Look What I Found (or My Defense of Ché)

Happy 2012, Faithful Reader!

While recently skimming through old files I had saved in my old desktop computer (which had been untouched for several years now), I found this potential blog entry. I'm pretty sure it was a draft of something I wanted to post to my MySpace page. I don't recall if it ever made it to the digital ether.

But the draft has survived and I'd like to post it here for your perusal. Feel free to submit your feedback below but please be mindful of my warning at the end of the post.

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I was recently criticized for my inclusion of a photo of Ernesto Guevara in my photo gallery.  It got me thinking that there may be others who have strong opinions on the man commonly known as “Che.”  With this in mind, I’d like to explain why I included his photo and give some insight into my thoughts on the man and his vision. 

I have respect for Che Guevara's vision of a united Latin America (South, Central, North). Essentially, the purpose behind this is so all of Latin American can be a society free of United States' exploitation and become self-sufficient. In a world where the poor have to suffer while a select few citizens reap the benefits of a country whose political and economic system favors the elite, this ideal is not undesirable. I’ll admit, this is a utopian ideal.

Though I do not approve of his violent methods of spreading this message, it is no more hateful and murderous than the United States throughout 1800-1900 in Latin America. (For references try Google-ing: General John McIntosh - Florida, Davy Crockett - Texas, William Walker – Nicaragua.  These men swore allegiance to fledgling Latin American governments only to overthrow them in the name of freedom.) His actions were also necessary because no one listens to academics that just sit around and talk. By taking action it forced people to listen. As the saying goes, the squeaky wheel gets the oil.

And what happened next? The American propaganda machine goes to work to label all insurgents in the Latin America as communists (thus making them akin to the failed Utopia attempted by the Russians). Never mind the reason behind their uprising. Never mind that there was no other course of action because diplomacy had failed. Never mind the vested interest the United States had in maintaining stability in these nations to further their acquisition of wealth at the expense of Latin America.

Lets be honest... if you read history texts without the pro-American spin (not those we used in junior high and high school), you will understand why most of Latin America hates the United States. Our country has become a necessary evil because the economies of Latin America have been raped by the US. The only way any of these people can make any significant amount of money for their families is to head to "El Norte".

I don't want to ramble further... just understand that despite his violent measures, they were wholly exaggerated and only done with the positive motivation to improve the situation of the poor. It was not some perverted sense of bloodlust as some have claimed. Now as for his ties with Castro... an unfortunate circumstance in history because Castro got power hungry in Cuba and did away with the spirit of the Revolution by changing the nation to a dictatorship. Absolute power corrupts absolutely. After the Revolution, Guevara left Cuba to help the impoverished in Africa (the Congo if I am not mistaken) but also as an escape from Castro's Cuba. However, life before Castro was not much better under Batista's rule.

Do I like that now all of these "yuppy followers" use his image as a commodity to further an agenda that has nothing to do with his beliefs?? NO! I hate that his face is on a fucking T-shirt. I hate that people are making money off of his likeness.

There is a Che poster in the ALAS office (the Latino student organization at Queens College). It was placed there in the beginning of the academic year for all the members to sign. It serves as a microcosm of what I believe is not just a silly dream of an "asshole" and "murderer" but something Latinos should fight for, even if only within the borders of the US. It is my hope of a unity that can only be achieved when Latinos come together and forget our own individual differences and recognize the common social ills that affect us daily.

There will be many people who will disagree with my decision to put that photo in my gallery and will be strong in their opposition to the apparent “glorification of Che." I don't blame them. Who wants to see their enemy put on a pedestal to be worshipped? All I ask is that they understand that my admiration for the man does not condone his methods nor does it atone for those who died at his hand. Do know that his idealism and vision is what I respect. I will not make excuses for having his picture in my gallery but I hope to never be accused of being a follower of the consumerism that clouds the legacy of Ernesto Guevara. I chose to put the photo up out of my own volition not as part of a fad that will soon fade in favor of the next “pretty face.”

If you are going to debate this issue I hope you don’t resort to the typical name-calling most people are prone to.  In a discussion, it is a copout not an explanation.

I hope that this doesn't change your opinion of me because I am still the same person you knew before you read this blog. Nor will it change my opinion of you, no matter what your reaction is.>>
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There you have it, faithful reader...  Your thoughts?

My Light Bulb Moment (or Consider It a 2011 Resolution)

Welcome back!!

It's no coincidence that the time spent on this blog decreased dramatically when I started going out with my girlfriend last spring.

I found it hard to be open and honest on the blog while simultaneously trying to remain guarded and not open up "too soon" with her at the start of the relationship.

Why the sudden change now? Am I single?? No. No. It's nothing of the sort.

I just realized what this blog meant to me and my sanity. My mental health has taken a toll lately by keeping a lot of my "random" thoughts in my head. Purging my brian of these thoughts that have weighed heavy on my conscience has been cathartic. I've been depriving myself of the opportunity to be less stressed, less overwhelmed, and less helpless for the better part of 2010, which was a challenging year. I refuse to let that happen in 2011.

Those closest to me know that I am not one to open up or share my emotions/feelings very easily. That's what makes this blog rather unique. I don't really hold much back when writing here. There is something inherently impersonal in blogging that makes it easier to write whatever I feel without censoring the content. I do happen to know some of you that visit here, whether it's occassionally or immediately after every post. For the most part, I consider my "audience" to be anonymous. I admit there are times when I want to know EVERYONE that reads this blog. Nevertheless, I truly enjoy writing for the unknown readers (including the future me).

This time away has also forced me to accept something that is probably obvious to most folks. When in a relationship, you cannot force your significant other to like the person you want to be, or the person you try to be around them. They need to accept you for who you are. For better or worse, this blog is an extension of me and maybe even a bigger piece of who I am than I care to admit. After all, a lot of who I am is left in every entry of this blog.

I kept myself from writing much in 2010. That will change going forward. It's not as if I have anything to hide. ;)

For your continued readership and patience throughout 2010, I thank you.
For those of you new to RaUM, I hope you enjoy the sneak peeks into my life.

Until next time, faithful reader......

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Addendum (2 hours after posting):
For the record, those who know me well (and that is a very short list, folks) know that I don't share my emotions/feelings very well in the "real world". Blame it on my troubled childhood or poor social skills as a youth. Perhaps, it was never learning how to deal with rejection or never understanding how to accept that life can be fucked up sometimes.

That being said, I want to be clear that the issue with the gf and my blogging had to do with my perception of how she might (or might not) react to things I had to write about. I can be very self-conscious about what I post sometimes (believe it or not!) which can make me more sensitive to any potential feedback I might get from those close to me. I hope you didn't think I was using her as a scapegoat.

On My Own and Moving Along

I hate moving... Those of you who follow me on Twitter, Facebook, or have been friends with me for years know this about me.

My current situation: I need to move despite loving my current apartment. Both of my roommates have moved out and I simply cannot afford the apartment on my own.

I've looked at a couple of decent places, one really nice apartment, seen a lot of awful listings online, and I'm hoping to get it all sorted out soon (a.k.a. this upcoming week... cross your fingers and toes plz).

I have a couple ideas I'm bouncing around in my head to blog about. But I wanted to assure those of you who have been patiently waiting for my blog entry on Spanglish - you know who you are - that it will post very soon (I'm targeting sometime this beginning of the upcoming week, maybe Monday or Tuesday).

With that being said, I realized the other day that I'd rather not post anything on RaUM if all I have to offer you is an apology for not posting anything and a promise to post after a few days (or weeks). So I'm avoiding that in this entry.

I have to admit that having the apartment to myself is a great idea... on paper. To be honest, the first few days sucked. I missed having someone around. I'd been so used to having some ambient noise in the apartment whether it was during the time that I took care of my mom (financially) for all those years after my parents separated or more recently living with my fiancee (ex-fiancee now). I won't go so far as to say I was depressed but I was definitely melancholy. On those early nights I couldn't go to sleep because it was too quiet. I tried everything from reading, to watching TV, to drinking tea, to playing xBox to exhaustion... nothing worked. I recall seeing the outside world getting a little brighter, as the sun began to rise, just as I managed to SOMEHOW fall asleep. Sometimes being left alone with your thoughts is a TERRIBLE thing.

It's been just about a week now and one of the major adjustments has been getting myself accustomed to make dinner ahead of time. I get home any time between 9 and 10 PM on nights that I teach and, quite frankly, I'm too tired to start whipping up a meal on the spot. The idea of ordering out has been EXTREMELY tempting but I've been good about eating well and have had enough will power to avoid the easy take-out meal for dinner. It's not that I won't do it every now and then but I don't want to fall into the habit of doing it regularly. What I need to do is make several meals on the weekend and re-heat them throughout the week. That way I will always have something to eat. I'll also have some quick fix, on-the-fly type of foods available as well so if I don't feel like eating what I have in the fridge, I can still eat a good meal without resorting to eating food out of a can.

I can now say that I'm finally settling in to the idea of being on my own. It's not a terrible thing (it felt rotten early on) but it certainly will be a work in progress as I discover new things about being alone that I'm not necessarily aware of now: good and bad.

I'd like to hear from you on this topic. Help me figure things out a little, faithful reader. For those of you who have been on your own, what's been the biggest adjustments and/or lifestyle changes you had to deal with? For those of you who have yet to be on your own, what do you most look forward to when you think about living by yourself and what do you think you will miss the most from your current life?

I hope to hear from you soon.

Until next time, faithful reader......

Catching Up (or Updates for my Diehard RaUM-ers)

I'd like to apologize for the lack of posts over the past few weeks. (Damn... has it really been almost three weeks!?!?)

There's been a lot going on in my life lately. I haven't as much time to dedicate to writing a blog entry as I would like. Some of the highlights of the recent weeks: starting up my new MMA-only blog (very exciting but still a work in progress), multiple trips to the beach (very relaxing), hanging out with old friends (reconnecting), my mom moving in with my sister (freedom), my other roommate moving out soon (more freedom), the start of the Fall semester (lots of prep work... remember I teach), chaos at work in Brooklyn (supervisor got fired, lots of instability).

I'd like to thank those of you who have commented on my previous posts. I read every comment (it's not as if there are THAT many) and I truly appreciate your feedback. One recent comment was thought provoking and something that I may post about in the near future. It was a comment to my HIMYM post: "I think a good follow up to this blog would be detailing what 'the one' would be for you. What are you hoping to find someday?"

This is a question that has come up quite a bit recently so it is something that should be fairly easy to write about. The issues with responding to this are the same issues I have with all my posts: How much do I divulge? How much am I willing to share? Is opening up too much a good thing or a bad thing? etc etc etc... And specifically for this Q: Is it even something I really know the answer to?

We'll see how things go. I like the RaUM posts to almost write themselves. Essentially, I try my best to let them flow out of me via my fingertips on the keys. There will be plenty to write about and I hope to have more time to get back to weekly posts (if not more frequently than that).

I'll leave you with one last thought. It relates to something that has been happening to me a lot over the past few months. I've been having more vivid recollection of my dreams, almost daily. I've also been experiencing a lot more deja vu moments. It's not simply the awareness that I've 'done this before' but with more sensory recall: emotions, situation, touches, smells, and the overall sensation of the moment. I read somewhere that before we are born our spirit (soul, divine essence, whatever you choose to call it) knows our life path and what we will experience in our lifetime before we are born. Deja vu moments are simply your mind recalling flashes of the life you're supposed to live (nothing 'simple' about it). This is not to say that we cannot deviate from our life path. It is a map, if you will, for the life we're designed to live. Whether it is to progress in the reincarnation process or to know our purpose in our one life on Earth, I am a firm believer that deja vu moments are like signs on a highway. If we see these signs regularly, then we know (I know) that we (I) am following my life path and fulfilling my purpose in this lifetime.

The fact that I've had so many of these deja vu moments in such a short span of time is no longer 'scary' or 'creepy'. Now they bring me joy. I know I'm living the life I'm supposed to live, for better or worse. I am fulfilling my life's purpose, for better or worse. It's not for me to say whether my life is good or bad. I still have the freedom to choose to strive for more or maintain the status quo. There is one thing I'm sure of. I can take solace in the knowledge that what I've been doing over the last year or so is what I was meant to do.

Even the tremendous amount of dream recall has been surprising. Thankfully, it hasn't been a reflection of negativity or doubt (a major theme in many of my dreams during the first half of this year). I don't buy into the oneiromantic logic of dreams forecasting the future but I do think it is a reflection of what a person is feeling at the time the dreams occur.

Maybe I'll blog about those dreams too. =)

We'll see where my mind will be over the next few weeks. Thanks to you all for staying on board and reading my blog after nearly a full year.

Until next time, faithful reader......

Back on the East Coast (or Viva Las Vegas)

Helloooooo there,

I got back from Las Vegas late Sunday night. I was exhausted and hated being back. I had a massive headache and didn't even feel like driving home. (Yes, for those of you wondering, I DID park at the airport. It was for a good reason, trust me on that one).

I was in Vegas for three days with some friends and had a great time. Three days wasn't nearly enough time and I need to go back soon.

I also found out they're building a bridge that will replace the roadway over the Hoover Dam! The bridge should be finished in a year or so. No one will be allowed to drive on the Hoover Dam once it's finished. We're on the clock, folks. Pretty soon we won't be able to stop at the Arizona-Nevada border and make a wish over the dam so now's the time to head out there.

AND if you're in the area, boys and girls, be sure to stop by Boulder City to check out the Bootleg Canyon Flightlines (website). Simply amazing! I'm afraid of heights and I can tell you wholeheartedly, this is a MUST for anyone whether you like thrill rides or not. Not a fan of roller coasters? This is soooo much safer and soooo much more fun. Beautiful landscape, great staff, and an exhilarating experience!!!

Here are some other tidbits I'll share from my trip --

Overheard at the Palms:
A guy, who was playing on the same craps table as me about an hour earlier, walks over to some women sitting at the penny slots and says to one of them, "Hey girl, I'll give you $10 if you get up so I can see your ass."
[The girl did not take him up on his offer.]

True story on the roulette table:
A woman was down to her last $8. She didn't know what to play and was convinced by a group of girls to play $8 on 8. Sure enough, 8 comes up on the wheel. She won $280 with that bet. Nice work, ladies! lol.

Last day on the craps table @ Caesar's Palace:
[I had been winning money on a bet I placed on 4-4, a.k.a. "hard eight". It was off the table when this conversation occurred.]
Dealer - Want to play hard eight again?
Me - No thanks. I'll pass this time.
[The next dice roll was 4-4]
Dealer - Told you you should have played hard eight (She smiles as if she knew something I didn't).
Me - Next time I'll get it.
[Yeah! Thanks lady!!! lol]

At McCarran International Airport:
A small boy, no taller than 2.5 feet - a little half pint, walks by me cheesin' with pride because he is pulling his own mini-suitcase by himself. It's a "Cars" Lightning McQueen bag with the #95 emblazoned on it. Too cute!!

Drink of the trip:
Vodka and RedBull - kept me awake long enough to do what I wanted to do each night in Vegas. We can sleep when we're dead, right?

Lesson learned:
NEVER (EVER!) get in a situation where you have to accept a dare from a group of girls. smh. (That's all I'm saying about THAT one!)

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I came across a blog post the other day (click here to read it) and it claims that: "Much like single friends, I think that single bloggers are generally better bloggers."

This made me wonder if the reason this blog is even MILDLY entertaining is because I'm single. Hmmmm... I may not be posting stories of my dating experiences here or any "wild" nights with the guys but I definitely feel there is some truth to the claim. I have time to actually sit and write at the ol' laptop. Otherwise, this time writing blog posts could be spent with a girlfriend. Who knows... We'll see when that day comes.

Until next time, faithful reader......

My Life According to Twitter (or This Week's Recap via My Tweets)

Hello there...
To my repeat visitors, welcome back!
To the RaUM newcomers, ENJOY!

I joined Twitter a few weeks ago despite going months bitching about how annoying and useless it is. Boy, was I shocked to see how quickly I took to it. I love Twitter! Consider me a bandwagon jumper, or whatever other clever moniker you may have at the tip of your tongue, but there is something refreshing about posting a short comment or quote in a tweet as opposed to writing a passage about it on Blogger.

Lately, I haven't had the time to dedicate to a full RaUM entry. It's not for a lack of inspiration but simply not being able to make the time to type things out. (I know... it's crazy right?? Funny how sleeping is more important than blogging...)

This is not to say I'm replacing this blog with my Twitter feed but I'm in the process of finding the happy balance - the middle ground, if you will - between the two. I get my Mets news feed (and opinions), updates from a few select celebs (including my BIGGEST celeb crush, Alyssa Milano. I still love you and you don't even know it!!), and other random people whom I've found to have common interests. I wish I had more friends and family who actually tweet but it's no big deal. I'm making due just fine with who I have.

Well, without further ado, lets take a look at some of the more memorable tweets from the week (along with running commentary/explanations for some of them):

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Be careful what you wish for: Spring weather returning also means killer allergies affecting me for the next few weeks. *ugh*
[1:40 PM May 19th]
Ahhh yes... Spring time and allergy season. One of the things I love best (Spring) and one of the things I hate most (allergies). I only developed these allergies in the past few years. When I was younger I was never affected by the seasons. And this year it seems worse than usual... *ugh*

I got a gift from one of my students tonight along with a very nice message in a "Good Luck" card. I feel so privileged to do what I do. =D
[8:58 PM May 19th]
=D Still makes me smile thinking about it! I am very grateful for the card and the Ralph Lauren scented candle. If I can manage to get a date sometime in the next 10 years or so, I may end up putting that to use... lol.

waiting in bk before heading out to philly
[1:22 AM May 20th]
My friend Jorge had to drop off his wife and daughter at the airport in Philly. Before you ask, it was a last minute emergency travel decision on a budget. I knew Jorge would get very little sleep (if any) on Tuesday night and I know how grueling the ride is from Philly back to NYC when you're exhausted. I decided since I had nothing going on Wednesday that I would accompany them so they could arrive in Philly safe and sound and J would get back in town in one piece. I had a HS classmate that died traveling back home from college one winter and sometimes that memory creeps into the back on my mind when I hear about my friends driving home (or anywhere) alone. Call me a fatalist all you want but Uncle Alan got to spend quality time with my fave little lady! =D

dude!!! Massive roadkill. Stunned me and somewhat nauseating.
[3:20 AM May 20th]
OH YEAH!!! That was kinda gross... Jorge and I looked at each other and had the only WTF faces! It was larger than your average roadkill but not large enough to scrape under the car. All we saw, in that split second it was highlighted by the car's headlights, was a pretty mangled carcass with a huge splotch of redness in the lane we were driving in. Quite a gruesome sight...

at Philly International Airport. Really wish I had my camera with me... #fb
[4:36 AM May 20th]
I had realized once I got into Brooklyn that I had just wasted a unique opportunity to take pics in places I may not revisit. As a passenger in the car for most of the trip I could have had my hands free to take a lot of interesting pictures. Oh well, done bun...

Two cop cars to pull over one car in NJ. In NY? One cop had 3 cars pulled over at once. That's what's up!!
[8:00 AM May 20th]
Nuff said.

Having breakfast with @gerlombian
[9:05 AM May 20th]
Got to shoot the breeze with the ol' bff.

carne... carne... carneeeeeeee!! starting it with my inferiors!
[3:42 PM May 20th]
Yes, carne. You know? Beef... I was sleep deprived after breaking night. This seemed hilarious at the time... Looking back on it... STILL hilarious. You had to be there!

Does anyone know where I can find a golden calf on the cheap? Looking for something to worship...
[2:00 PM May 21st]
To which someone responded that

Nice bright sun-shiny day... and one last final to give tonight before I bid adieu to my class for the semester.
[3:40 PM May 21st]

I'm on this freestyle kick this afternoon for some unknown reason... I'll be tweeting during tonight's exam FYI.
[4:58 PM May 21st]
Yes. Something about freestyle music and warm spring days that just go together. It's been that way since I was a kid and will not change even when I'm in my 80s.

Trying to finish up my next blog entry... hard to do that when my students are asking me Q's! I'm the one doing the asking around here! lol
[6:10 PM May 21st]
HAHA! I was busy writing up a RaUM entry and tweeting while proctoring my final exam. They probably thought I was doing something important...

And with that last person ladies and gents... my semester (in class) is over. Now on to the grading!
[7:28 PM May 21st]
=/ Time to bear down and get to work, I suppose.

@isamarchajon Thank you very much, sir! I was lucky to have two great classes...
[8:15 PM May 21st in reply to isamarchajon]
I was congratulated on finishing my first semester. As I mentioned in my previous entry, it was a great semester. It was easy for me to do my job with all the good students I had. At least SOME of them understood my sense of humor. HA!

Gorgeous weather in the Big Apple, Tweeters and Tweetettes (or twits and twats, as my friend said)
[9:59 AM May 22nd]

question: is it just me or has the word 'retard' reached the same level of taboo as 'nigger'?
[10:51 AM May 22nd]
I forgot why I thought of this but it's true isn't it??

I'm done for the work week. I'll be back in the office on Tuesday but will remain on Twitter (with tweets ribbed for your pleasure)
[3:08 PM May 22nd]

"She smokes weed with a crackhead because it makes her feel safer" .... WOW!!
[9:37 PM May 23rd]
A "re-tweet" of sorts. It was taken from a friend's Facebook status. Who the hell is he hanging out with?? lol...

I'm still trying to differentiate between comments that are tweetworthy and those that should be left in the confines of my brain.
[2:32 AM May 24th]
Still haven't figure it out yet... but I'm getting there. =)
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Before I forget, the obligatory request to follow my Twitter will follow:

You can find my tweets at: twitter.com/agsilver51
Follow me and join the tribe!

Thanks for indulging me!

Until next time, faithful reader......