Welcome back,
I went on a bit of a Twitter rant this morning. I'm not sure if it was appropriate or not but I felt that I needed to get those thoughts off my chest. And since I've been dedicating this blog to that very action, I feel it is only fair to re-post the tweets here:
(Around 8:15am)
'Was startled by some news in my dream & woke up. I didnt get the whole story. Now I'm wide awake wishing I could sleep & re-enter my dream.'
[In my dream, someone started telling me about their experience the night before and it seemed like it was leading to an 'interesting' story. I couldn't even begin to imagine what it could be. But I woke up with my heart racing and all I wanted was to go back to sleep and get back into that dream]
'I can't take complements well b/c I never thought I was that special. Still makes me feel a little awkward. May come off as false modesty.'
[Annoyed and frustrated at being wide awake, I got to thinking about the night before when I was told I have a 'brilliant mind'. I've always felt I was fairly normal and to know that I might be "better" than I thought I was - in any capacity - is something that is very humbling and at the same time depressing.]
'It's probably why I don't know how to complement others even when I think they deserve it. I'm working on it. #ivegotlotstolearn'
[I think this is true. If I don't know how to take a complement then I can't easily pass them on to others. Plus, I think too damned much and, at times, I am too passive.]
'There's no pressure becoming friends w/some1 but once I'm attracted to some1 I second guess myself. What do I possibly have to offer her?'
[Some of the "old me" creeping back, I suppose. I shoot myself in the foot before I even get started. It's quite frustrating.]
'But who am I to decide what someone else wants or needs? Ultimately, it's on them.'
[Even though I feel I understand this, I still don't have that selfish edge to go after what I want and/or need. Instead, I'm more empathetic to what I perceive to be other people's needs/wants. A classic case of self-sabotage actually.]
Perhaps writing about it (and acknowledging these ideas) would make it easier for me to reconcile what's going on inside my mind and heart. These are my preliminary thoughts to my tweets from this morning. I will come back to them when I'm not as distracted by things.
Until next time, faithful reader......
Saturday, January 23, 2010
Friday, January 22, 2010
Karaoke Obsession
Welcome back,
Happy New Year if this is your first visit to RaUM in 2010!!
Music has always been a passion of mine. Regardless of the genre, good music stirs my soul and, at times, can bring long-forgotten emotions and memories to the surface. To me, that alone is a testament to the power of music.
When I was a kid I was always involved in some kind of singing class. I was in the chorus group in elementary school. When I moved on to middle school, I got to choose a specialty for my honors class: a typing class (it turned into a computer class within a year), an art class, a band class, and chorus. I was in the art class for about 3 weeks before I realized it wasn't for me and I moved into the chorus class. Not a bad move since I was one of maybe 5 boys in a class full of girls. Even in high school, I opted to be part of chorus as an elective.
Looking back on those years of chorus was that I never had to sing a solo. I was always able to hide behind the cover of the group. Despite all the public performances I did in front of my classmates in assembly or for parents/family on special performance nights, I have a tremendous amount of stagefright when it comes to singing alone. I tend to sing very quietly when I'm around other people. My mom just told me the other day that she has NEVER heard me sing. In her entire life!! She doesn't recall a time when she has heard my angelic voice! =P
I don't know where this embarrassment comes from [that's not entirely true, Alan!! You're a perfectionist at heart and don't want others to judge you!!] but it's paralyzing. I decided to do something about it and will work on in 2010.
The easy way to combat that anxiety? Singing karaoke!! No one expects the next American Idol to appear on the stage of a bar/lounge and it's all in good fun. I've learned that it takes a lot of nerve to get up in front of a group (no matter if they're your friends or strangers) and sing a song - even one you know well!
I have a lot of respect for those who do take the stage. Their fearlessness is something I'm beginning to develop in myself.
To that end, I've been going to this bar in Brooklyn (Sugar Lounge) practically every Wednesday night, thanks to two friends of mine who have been going for several months now. I figured the best way to get that monkey off my back was to rip that sumbitch off. And so far, I've been having a lot of fun... and the nerves are slowly escaping me.
Here's my song selection thus far in my 5 visits to Sugar Lounge's 'Singin for a Supper':
Day One - (12/16/09 - My first karaoke experience. I was too scared to perform solo. I did 2 duets with an old friend)
- Plush by Stone Temple Pilots
- Against All Odds by Phil Collins
Day Two - (12/23/09 - with experienced karaoke folks... and their friends)
- Maria Maria by Santana (My first solo)
- Ain't No Sunshine by Bill Withers
(Oddly enough, on this night, I came in 2nd for the infamous FREE ENTREE at Sugar Lounge. For my first ever solo performance. I've been spoiled!!! I now want to win REALLY badly... shhhh... don't tell anyone... lol)
Day Three - (1/6/10 - bringing in 2010 with:)
- Alone by Heart
- Last Request by Paolo Nutini
- [duet] Interstate Love Song by Stone Temple Pilots
Day Four - (1/13/10)
- I Don't Wanna Be by Gavin Degraw
- You and Me by Lifehouse
- Every Little Step by Bobby Brown
- Leave the Pieces by The Wreckers
- [trio] I'm Yours by Jason Mraz
Day Five - (1/20/10)
- Home by Daughtry (was made fun of by the MC for doing ANOTHER American Idol-ish song this week after doing 'I Don't Wanna Be' the previous week)
- Geek in the Pink by Jason Mraz
- Lithium by Nirvana
- Wonderwall by Oasis
Some other songs I've been considering for 2010--
Daughtry - Life After You
Jason Mraz - Wordplay
John Mayer - Dreaming with a Broken Heart; Daughters
PM Dawn - Die Without You
Peter Gabriel - In Your Eyes
Xtreme - More Than Words
If there is ONE resolution I would continue for this new year, I would say it will be more karaoke. Singing in front of strangers has been so liberating and has gotten me to open up just a little bit more lately. More that I never thought I would actually. I still experience stage-fright. Let's be honest here, I STILL get nervous standing in front of my class despite having a year of teaching experience under my belt and knowing what I'm doing.
This will be the next big step in my personal evolution. I vow to be more open with everyone around me. That is my primary goal of 2010. And karaoke will help me get there.
Until next time, faithful reader......
Happy New Year if this is your first visit to RaUM in 2010!!
Music has always been a passion of mine. Regardless of the genre, good music stirs my soul and, at times, can bring long-forgotten emotions and memories to the surface. To me, that alone is a testament to the power of music.
When I was a kid I was always involved in some kind of singing class. I was in the chorus group in elementary school. When I moved on to middle school, I got to choose a specialty for my honors class: a typing class (it turned into a computer class within a year), an art class, a band class, and chorus. I was in the art class for about 3 weeks before I realized it wasn't for me and I moved into the chorus class. Not a bad move since I was one of maybe 5 boys in a class full of girls. Even in high school, I opted to be part of chorus as an elective.
Looking back on those years of chorus was that I never had to sing a solo. I was always able to hide behind the cover of the group. Despite all the public performances I did in front of my classmates in assembly or for parents/family on special performance nights, I have a tremendous amount of stagefright when it comes to singing alone. I tend to sing very quietly when I'm around other people. My mom just told me the other day that she has NEVER heard me sing. In her entire life!! She doesn't recall a time when she has heard my angelic voice! =P
I don't know where this embarrassment comes from [that's not entirely true, Alan!! You're a perfectionist at heart and don't want others to judge you!!] but it's paralyzing. I decided to do something about it and will work on in 2010.
The easy way to combat that anxiety? Singing karaoke!! No one expects the next American Idol to appear on the stage of a bar/lounge and it's all in good fun. I've learned that it takes a lot of nerve to get up in front of a group (no matter if they're your friends or strangers) and sing a song - even one you know well!
I have a lot of respect for those who do take the stage. Their fearlessness is something I'm beginning to develop in myself.
To that end, I've been going to this bar in Brooklyn (Sugar Lounge) practically every Wednesday night, thanks to two friends of mine who have been going for several months now. I figured the best way to get that monkey off my back was to rip that sumbitch off. And so far, I've been having a lot of fun... and the nerves are slowly escaping me.
Here's my song selection thus far in my 5 visits to Sugar Lounge's 'Singin for a Supper':
Day One - (12/16/09 - My first karaoke experience. I was too scared to perform solo. I did 2 duets with an old friend)
- Plush by Stone Temple Pilots
- Against All Odds by Phil Collins
Day Two - (12/23/09 - with experienced karaoke folks... and their friends)
- Maria Maria by Santana (My first solo)
- Ain't No Sunshine by Bill Withers
(Oddly enough, on this night, I came in 2nd for the infamous FREE ENTREE at Sugar Lounge. For my first ever solo performance. I've been spoiled!!! I now want to win REALLY badly... shhhh... don't tell anyone... lol)
Day Three - (1/6/10 - bringing in 2010 with:)
- Alone by Heart
- Last Request by Paolo Nutini
- [duet] Interstate Love Song by Stone Temple Pilots
Day Four - (1/13/10)
- I Don't Wanna Be by Gavin Degraw
- You and Me by Lifehouse
- Every Little Step by Bobby Brown
- Leave the Pieces by The Wreckers
- [trio] I'm Yours by Jason Mraz
Day Five - (1/20/10)
- Home by Daughtry (was made fun of by the MC for doing ANOTHER American Idol-ish song this week after doing 'I Don't Wanna Be' the previous week)
- Geek in the Pink by Jason Mraz
- Lithium by Nirvana
- Wonderwall by Oasis
Some other songs I've been considering for 2010--
Daughtry - Life After You
Jason Mraz - Wordplay
John Mayer - Dreaming with a Broken Heart; Daughters
PM Dawn - Die Without You
Peter Gabriel - In Your Eyes
Xtreme - More Than Words
If there is ONE resolution I would continue for this new year, I would say it will be more karaoke. Singing in front of strangers has been so liberating and has gotten me to open up just a little bit more lately. More that I never thought I would actually. I still experience stage-fright. Let's be honest here, I STILL get nervous standing in front of my class despite having a year of teaching experience under my belt and knowing what I'm doing.
This will be the next big step in my personal evolution. I vow to be more open with everyone around me. That is my primary goal of 2010. And karaoke will help me get there.
Until next time, faithful reader......
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