Hello once again! Welcome back,
Today, I present to you my theory on bad drivers. FYI, those of you who have known me for a while may have heard this already.
There is no part of the world where you can avoid bad driving behavior. It could be a lack of courtesy for others on the road, a lack of proper judgment, not knowing the basic rules of the road, or some combination of the three. It could be a driver who is going very slow in the passing lane. Other times, it is the idiot who speeds up to keep you from changing into their lane. Sometimes, it's the moron who "forgets" to signal before changing lanes repeatedly in the span of a few short minutes (the driver I like to call the "Frogger"). The list goes on and on.
In my time as a driver, I've tried to take a quick look at the offending driver to see if a pattern would emerge. Lo and behold!!! After a few weeks, it became apparent that there were, in fact, three specific groups that continued to appear in my informal observations.
Before I give you the three groups (and an explanation as to why each group produces such bad drivers), I need to briefly address some concerns about my theory.
[If you are a sensible person, that is not easily offended by observations about the world around us, you can skip the next five points and jump straight to the theory] I have heard a handful of complaints from the people I target in this theory, so I feel now would be a good time to include some caveats before I proceed:
(1) The "data" gathered as I formulated this theory were not collected using any formal empirical methods. They are, simply, random observations made in my travels.
(2) These observations were made only while driving in NYC (not the entire 5 boroughs, mainly in Queens and parts of Brooklyn). This is important because it would be hard for me to say this theory applies universally. Although, I would
love to hear other people's experiences to see if it holds any water outside of my local area.
(3) Most theories are attempts at defining universal truths. As such, any test of the theory must also hold up. Though I call it a theory, what I present to you below is not meant to be a conclusive list of factors that influence bad driving behaviors but simply serves as a roadmap (plz forgive the pun) for anyone looking to avoid potentially bad drivers.
(4) As a theory that attempts to label human behavior into easily identifiable categories, one must accept that human behavior is highly malleable due to changes in social norms and customs. This means that the theory must also change with the times. The theory (in its current form) only represents the behavior of bad drivers at the present time. It is likely that the "danger" groups may still apply for years or even decades to come. But, it is reasonable to assume that reinforcing the stereotypes of these three groups would allow this theory to survive longer than it should.
(5) Though I highlight select groups for my theory, I want you to understand that I am a big believer that there are exceptions to everything in life. That is no different in this theory. Not everyone who belongs in any of the three groups are necessarily bad drivers though someone in any of the groups are more likely to be a bad driver.
Now that I've
appeased the whiny bitches who complained about my theory addressed the concerns in my legal disclaimer... ON TO THE THEORY!!!
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The Bad Driver TheoryI feel that the worst drivers on the road are the elderly, women, and Asians. Here's why:
Group 1 - The ElderlyNow I don't mean to target the elderly but...
I once worked at a car rental agency in the Upper East Side. There were many times when we would have older customers rent a car for one day or sometimes for a weekend. I will admit that most of our elderly customers did not fit the stereotypical profile of the helpless old folks. Yet there were always more "close calls" outside of our doors when these drivers were leaving when compared with younger drivers. There was one really scary moment when one of the old drivers was so concerned about pulling out of the parking lot once there was not a single car coming down the road that they forgot to look AHEAD and nearly hit a young woman crossing the street.
The elderly are a driving hazard because of their age. I've always felt that once a person is eligible for retirement they should be required to take a road test when renewing their driver's license. This, of course, will never happen because the elderly are deemed by many to be "helpless" and are such a powerful lobbying group (because they ACTUALLY VOTE!! Let this be a lesson to the young folks reading this: the squeaky wheel gets the oil).
As I was saying... the elderly, by virtue of simply getting older, experience many physiological changes that hamper their ability to drive a vehicle: loss of vision, slowed reflexes, and reduced mental acuity that impacts reaction time. They are also more likely to suffer from physically and mentally debilitating diseases and ailments (e.g. Alzheimer's Disease, aftereffects of a stroke, etc) which affect a person's ability to drive as well.
Group 2 - WomenI'm expecting a bit of a backlash on this one. Nevertheless, there have been studies conducted proving that women perform worse than men when it comes to depth perception and spacial recognition (two critical components in driving).
If you cannot gauge the distance between you and other drivers around you, you pose a danger to the other drivers around you. Also, misinterpreting distance can cause the female driver to react in a manner that is difficult to anticipate for other drivers (males and females alike).
I've provided you with a link to a study that specifically looked at driving ability for men and women (http://www.waset.org/pwaset/v25/v25-53.pdf)
Group 3 - AsiansI know what you're probably thinking... Why is Alan picking on the Chinese!? (or maybe you're thinking "Yeah! Damn right, freaking Asians!") When I speak of the Asians, I'm not limiting this to only the Chinese, Japanese, and Koreans that most of us consider when we think of Asians. I also include those from southeast Asia (Indonesians, Malaysians, Thai, etc) as well as South Asians (Indians, Pakistanis, etc).
I haven't come up with a definitive explanation that I am 100% comfortable with. However, what seems to be the commonality for these people (other than geography) is the fact that they come from densely populated regions and/or impoverished areas. This results in folks that are constantly on the move, hustling their way from Point A to Point B because of the need to do things before others (as a survival mechanism) or as a tactic to avoid the hustle and bustle of daily life.
If I can think of a more rational or appropriate explanation I will include it here but truly, there are A LOT of Asians that have now been documented as bad drivers.
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One final note: Each of these groups, individually, pose a danger to us young, non-Asian male drivers and as such we should also recognize that any combination of these groups poses and even greater hazard. I'd rather be stuck behind a middle-aged
Asian man than an elderly female driver. I'm not picking favorites, just playing the odds. If I could, I'd avoid them
both like the freaking plague.
So the next time you find yourself in traffic and you see some erratic behaviors on the road, try and take some time to look into that car. And, please, tell me if my theory holds up in your informal "data collection". I can tell you that, in my experience now, roughly 19 out of every 20 times, my theory is validated. I will take a 95% success rate any day!
Until next time faithful reader...
