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From last night's How I Met Your Mother (5/11/09)
[In Stella's car]
Ted: OK, but just tell me this. Why Tony? I mean, is it the money? The kung fu pajamas? Like, wha- what is it?
Stella: He's the one.
T: The one.
S: Yeah, I know it's kinda sappy but... yeah.
T: *sigh* OK, I'm going to say something out loud that I've been doing a pretty good job of not saying out loud lately. What you and Tony have, what I thought for a second you and I had, what I know that Marshall and Lily have. I want that. I do. I keep waiting for it to happen and I'm waiting for it to happen and... I guess I'm just... *sigh* I'm tired of waiting. And that is all I'm going to say on that subject.
S: You know I once talked my way out of a speeding ticket.
T: Really?
S: *nods* I was heading upstate to my parents' house doing, like, 90 on this country road and I got pulled over. So this cop gets out of his car, he kinda swaggers on over and he's like "Young lady, I've been waiting for you all day." So I looked up at him and I said "I'm so sorry, officer. I got here as fast as I could."
T: *chuckle* For real?
S: *chuckle* No. Small joke. I know that you're tired of waiting and you may have to wait a little while more but, she's on her way Ted. And she's getting here as fast as she can.
T: Bye, Stella
S: Goodbye, Ted.
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Now I'm not planning to get all melancholy and depressing proclaiming "FML", and whining about how I'm not where I wanted to be at this stage of my life. But I must admit watching that scene last night really tugged at the ol' heart strings.
I see several of my friends in happy and fulfilling relationships, starting families and I want that. When I thought I had it in the past, things were good and now that I don't, well... I feel like I'm adrift at sea. I may just be a hopeless (and maybe a little helpless?) romantic but I don't really enjoy being single.
Don't get me wrong... I'm not looking to dive right in to another relationship but I feel like a social retard when thinking about hooking up with someone. I may just be taking myself too seriously or simply over-thinking things but I haven't gotten very comfortable being single. So my primary focus has been on "doing my thing". Learning to do fun things that I normally didn't (and wouldn't) do in the past.
Nevertheless, I just can't shake the feeling that "time is running out". I'm a big believer in age being a state of mind and that you can be as young as you feel (within reasonable limits, of course). I also am always flattered when people think I'm younger than my actual age. But there are times when I'm left alone with my thoughts and I consider the "what if"s more than the "what now"s. In those moments, I can't stop the little voice in my head, the sappy romantic in me, who reminds me that we are simply waiting for the moment where I find "the one" instead of just going out there and sticking my neck out. I can't accept that things work that way... not any more.
But I'll keep waiting. I know that for as many friends of mine who are "happy", there are many others in the same boat as me. They're out there looking, waiting, or seeking their "one". And with that thought, I sit back and simply take a deep breath. My time - our time - will come. Whether I've met "the one" already or if she's coming into my life in the future, now is not the time to worry about it. I just need to live my life. And she - whoever it is - will get here when she gets here.
And that's all I feel like saying now on that subject.
Until next time, faithful reader......
