Who is The One?

No. I don't mean Neo (from the Matrix).

I'm referring to "THE ONE": the ideal mate that we all are destined to meet, fall in love with, and have a happy and fulfilling life with!

In a recent conversation with my best friend, we discussed the concept of "the one". There are many people who want to live by this idea and use it as the yardstick with which to measure all potential mates. The danger in that way of thinking is that you may end up having expectations that are exceedingly high. So high, in fact, that no person could realistically meet them. This is not to say a person should settle for less than they feel they deserve but we need to bear in mind how irrational the idea of the perfect mate ("the one") truly is. These people may be closing the door on opportunities with a potentially great mate and maybe, if they're lucky enough, their future husband or wife.

This model of perfection is something that we use to highlight all the characteristics we want in a mate, both on the inside and the outside. Some people are more shallow than others and only care about the outside while others consider themselves people of substance, more concerned with the inner beauty in a potential mate.

I think my "one" is somewhere in between. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't a little shallow regarding looks but I also don't want someone supermodel-esque (nor would I turn it away, I'm not stupid!). I've always been more of a 'natural beauty' kind of guy. I'm a sucker for a beautiful smile. It's not just about having nice teeth but also having their heart and soul shine in their laughter and smile. No fakeness to it at all. I'm neither a "boob man" nor an "ass man". This is not to say I want a flat-chested, flat-assed woman. I'm a fan of shapely women. Nice hips and curves are extremely sexy to me. =)

I like women with a great sense of humor. Sarcasm is always welcome. The ability to laugh at yourself is critical. Also, my 'one' need to be able to dish it out a little. She is someone who will keep me on my toes. I'm a smart man (toot toot) and need a woman who is on my level and can keep up with me when I drop the occasional one-liner. If I have to explain myself it kills the whole purpose of the joke, innuendo, or statement.

I want a woman who isn't afraid to speak her mind no matter how mundane or intimate a subject is. My 'one' is an affectionate woman who won't keep me guessing how she feels about me, our relationship, or anything else important to her (or us). One other facet of 'the one' deals with our sexual desires and needs. I won't discuss this aspect of my 'one' on this blog. But if you're wondering, I know what I would like and dislike from my 'one' when it comes to sex/sexuality/sensuality/etc.

This, by no means, is the entire list. These are the characteristics that have come to my mind while writing this blog entry. But, to me (as I'm sure it is for most people), the list is quite exhaustive and ranges from the minimal traits to characteristics that are "deal-breakers" for certain people. I believe the best we can all hope for is someone who matches the majority of the characteristics we hope to find in "the one".

There is one other issue with idea of 'the one'. The truth of the matter is that there is no ACTUAL "one". 'The one' is constantly evolving as we grow older (and wiser?). Our needs, expectations, and likes/dislikes change with time and 'the one' changes with us. The people we meet, the events in our lives, and other social factors constantly influence us and causes us to re-evaluate what we value in our lives. It's very difficult to find a person who will change along with us in the way that we would like. To expect someone to change in every little way to meet our selfish desires is one of the major causes of break-ups among many of my friends.

I consider 'the one' to be more like 'the one right now'. We can't anticipate what will change within us. And that's part of the beauty of life and living. We don't know what tomorrow will bring. The best we can hope for is someone who is understanding enough to accept us for who we are and that he/she is someone that we can do the same for.

Thanks for listening. What's your take on this?
Look forward to hearing from you.

Until next time, faithful reader......

My Fall Semester and Other Quick Hits

Fall is here and my second semester at Queens College has officially begun. My first impressions of the classes are mixed. They all seem interested in the material thus far, which is nice to see. Also, I was better at my opening day speech this semester because I was able to scare away about 5 students from my 2 classes. Nevertheless, I still have nearly a full course load since I approved 4 over-tallies (2 extra students per class).

My Monday/Wednesday class is similar to my 2 classes from last semester. They seem to take good notes and manage to keep up with a quicker pace (which I prefer since the class doesn't drag). The Tuesday/Thursday class asks lots of questions (not necessarily a bad thing when it happens occasionally). I need to offer a thorough explanation to repeat the answer in an alternate way so that they can understand the material better. The side effect of this is that I can see that I'm losing the attention of the students who 'get it' and then feel the class is dragging along.

I don't mind the questions since they're valid questions but every time we meet I get asked a lot of questions which then takes time from other things we need to go over. On a personal note, another consequence of this is that they keep me in the classroom until 9:20pm (the scheduled end time of the class)!! This is a bad for me but more so for them because the last hour of the class time needs to be dedicated to doing lab work (using SPSS, a program we have for statistical analysis). I have the Sociology department's computer lab reserved for my classes. What I tend to do is dismiss my classes after the lecture is completed and then hang around for the students who want to work in the department's computer lab. The more time we take in class, the less lab time they have (or the later they stay in school since this keeps them from having an early night).

We'll see how things shake out. First exam is tonight and tomorrow. =)

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Disclaimer: Between classes (and grading of the first exam this week) along with finding my own place (among other things), I may end up having less time to dedicate to RaUM in the upcoming week or so. I'll do my best to write a short entry before another full week passes.

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I'd like to offer birthday shout-outs to the Virgos in my life. My fellow earth signs are people I have gotten along with very well for most of my life. Had some fun with some Virgos this past weekend. For the record, I am STILL upset that my sister, also a Virgo, didn't tell me if she had anything going on for her b-day. I may have to tell her to her face since it's not as if she reads my blog anyway. I actually have no idea if she did anything or not. Maybe I should call her...

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I feel sad for my best friend Jorge and his wife who had to give up their 3 kitties after their 21-month old daughter started having very bad allergic reactions to them. I know losing a pet is always hard whether it's because they die, are lost (and never found again) or given away for sudden (yet valid) reasons. However, given his daughter's reaction to them, the choice was clear. I know that given enough time, they'll learn to live without them. I just hope that day comes sooner than later.

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I'm working on a RaUM entry (about Spanglish and my feelings about it) and hope to have it posted some time this weekend. I also hope it won't take me more than a week to finish it up.

Until next time, faithful reader......