Work in Progress

Welcome back,

I went on a bit of a Twitter rant this morning. I'm not sure if it was appropriate or not but I felt that I needed to get those thoughts off my chest. And since I've been dedicating this blog to that very action, I feel it is only fair to re-post the tweets here:

(Around 8:15am)
'Was startled by some news in my dream & woke up. I didnt get the whole story. Now I'm wide awake wishing I could sleep & re-enter my dream.'
[In my dream, someone started telling me about their experience the night before and it seemed like it was leading to an 'interesting' story. I couldn't even begin to imagine what it could be. But I woke up with my heart racing and all I wanted was to go back to sleep and get back into that dream]

'I can't take complements well b/c I never thought I was that special. Still makes me feel a little awkward. May come off as false modesty.'
[Annoyed and frustrated at being wide awake, I got to thinking about the night before when I was told I have a 'brilliant mind'. I've always felt I was fairly normal and to know that I might be "better" than I thought I was - in any capacity - is something that is very humbling and at the same time depressing.]

'It's probably why I don't know how to complement others even when I think they deserve it. I'm working on it. #ivegotlotstolearn'
[I think this is true. If I don't know how to take a complement then I can't easily pass them on to others. Plus, I think too damned much and, at times, I am too passive.]

'There's no pressure becoming friends w/some1 but once I'm attracted to some1 I second guess myself. What do I possibly have to offer her?'
[Some of the "old me" creeping back, I suppose. I shoot myself in the foot before I even get started. It's quite frustrating.]

'But who am I to decide what someone else wants or needs? Ultimately, it's on them.'
[Even though I feel I understand this, I still don't have that selfish edge to go after what I want and/or need. Instead, I'm more empathetic to what I perceive to be other people's needs/wants. A classic case of self-sabotage actually.]

Perhaps writing about it (and acknowledging these ideas) would make it easier for me to reconcile what's going on inside my mind and heart. These are my preliminary thoughts to my tweets from this morning. I will come back to them when I'm not as distracted by things.

Until next time, faithful reader......