Always the bridesmaid never the... Wait, that's not right (or You are NOT the Best Man)

(Bear with me. I need to get this off my chest.)

It shouldn't occupy so much of my time.

It really shouldn't be that big of a deal.

But, for some odd reason, it has lingered in my thoughts longer than I expected and I feel the need to exorcise this growing demon.

I don't have a brother. Not by blood, anyway. I have many close friends that I consider brothers in my heart. "Brother(s) from another mother", if you like that particular colloquialism.

Given that, there has always been a part of me that wished/hoped/imagined myself being the best man at one of their weddings. Once I got to an age when my friends started getting married, I realized that a lot of these men - my brothers - have actual brothers of their own. Being selected as a best man for any of their weddings was not something I honestly considered as a possible reality. The blood brothers have more of a right (a birthright, perhaps?), a more legitimate claim to being the best man and I'm OK with that. I have been OK with that.

So why am I feeling differently about it now? Why am I so fixated on not having the chance to be a best man? I think a large part of it comes down to my perceived value as a friend. I deeply appreciate the connections I've made with these great men I call brothers. Not being considered for "best man" duties makes me feel like I've somehow haven't held up my end of the friendship.

Now I look in the proverbial mirror and ask myself  "How could I have been a better friend?" But that type of revisionist history doesn't change what has happened and I can only use this introspection to change my behavior going forward. It's not as if we're going to stop being friends.  Like I said earlier, these are my brothers. Those are bonds that are not easily destroyed, especially not because of my own insecurities.

In the past, I've taken time to consider who would be on my list of 'contenders' for best man when it's my time to get married (should that day ever come... LOL). It's not an easy decision and I know that someone may feel slighted if I don't pick them. It almost makes me wish I had a brother (no offense, Eules!) but that's not my reality. I've come to realize that there really isn't a good choice or bad choice.

Also, being selected as a groomsman is not a consolation prize! That's as much an honor as being a best man, in my humble opinion. This is not to say that if I'm not asked to participate in any form in the ceremony that I should be upset or hurt. The tedium of being able on someone else's timetable (the wedding planner or photographer or even the bride and groom) can be draining and sap some of the enjoyment out of the occasion.

Yet, when I see guys from the same circle of friends - a circle that I consider myself a part of - go through the motions with rehearsals, taking photos, or just standing at the altar with the happy couple, it makes my heart sink a little and it makes me feel left out. For much of my childhood, I felt like an outsider so this problem is probably deeper rooted than I imagined when I first started writing this.

The lesson I'd like to impart on you today, faithful reader, is to take some time out of your busy week/weekend/life and contact those who you consider close to you. Reach out to your 'brothers' and 'sisters' and let them know how much you appreciate having them in your life. I'm not encouraging this to improve your chances at being chosen as 'best man' or 'maid of honor', do it as a favor to the friendships you hold dear. The unexpected phone call, visit, or even (dare I say it?) e-mail showing your appreciation will go a long way to picking that person, or those people, up.

Don't assume they know how you feel about them. Tell them yourself!
Brighten up their day today! And who knows, maybe it will be reciprocated!

Until next time......

Look What I Found (or My Defense of Ché)

Happy 2012, Faithful Reader!

While recently skimming through old files I had saved in my old desktop computer (which had been untouched for several years now), I found this potential blog entry. I'm pretty sure it was a draft of something I wanted to post to my MySpace page. I don't recall if it ever made it to the digital ether.

But the draft has survived and I'd like to post it here for your perusal. Feel free to submit your feedback below but please be mindful of my warning at the end of the post.

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I was recently criticized for my inclusion of a photo of Ernesto Guevara in my photo gallery.  It got me thinking that there may be others who have strong opinions on the man commonly known as “Che.”  With this in mind, I’d like to explain why I included his photo and give some insight into my thoughts on the man and his vision. 

I have respect for Che Guevara's vision of a united Latin America (South, Central, North). Essentially, the purpose behind this is so all of Latin American can be a society free of United States' exploitation and become self-sufficient. In a world where the poor have to suffer while a select few citizens reap the benefits of a country whose political and economic system favors the elite, this ideal is not undesirable. I’ll admit, this is a utopian ideal.

Though I do not approve of his violent methods of spreading this message, it is no more hateful and murderous than the United States throughout 1800-1900 in Latin America. (For references try Google-ing: General John McIntosh - Florida, Davy Crockett - Texas, William Walker – Nicaragua.  These men swore allegiance to fledgling Latin American governments only to overthrow them in the name of freedom.) His actions were also necessary because no one listens to academics that just sit around and talk. By taking action it forced people to listen. As the saying goes, the squeaky wheel gets the oil.

And what happened next? The American propaganda machine goes to work to label all insurgents in the Latin America as communists (thus making them akin to the failed Utopia attempted by the Russians). Never mind the reason behind their uprising. Never mind that there was no other course of action because diplomacy had failed. Never mind the vested interest the United States had in maintaining stability in these nations to further their acquisition of wealth at the expense of Latin America.

Lets be honest... if you read history texts without the pro-American spin (not those we used in junior high and high school), you will understand why most of Latin America hates the United States. Our country has become a necessary evil because the economies of Latin America have been raped by the US. The only way any of these people can make any significant amount of money for their families is to head to "El Norte".

I don't want to ramble further... just understand that despite his violent measures, they were wholly exaggerated and only done with the positive motivation to improve the situation of the poor. It was not some perverted sense of bloodlust as some have claimed. Now as for his ties with Castro... an unfortunate circumstance in history because Castro got power hungry in Cuba and did away with the spirit of the Revolution by changing the nation to a dictatorship. Absolute power corrupts absolutely. After the Revolution, Guevara left Cuba to help the impoverished in Africa (the Congo if I am not mistaken) but also as an escape from Castro's Cuba. However, life before Castro was not much better under Batista's rule.

Do I like that now all of these "yuppy followers" use his image as a commodity to further an agenda that has nothing to do with his beliefs?? NO! I hate that his face is on a fucking T-shirt. I hate that people are making money off of his likeness.

There is a Che poster in the ALAS office (the Latino student organization at Queens College). It was placed there in the beginning of the academic year for all the members to sign. It serves as a microcosm of what I believe is not just a silly dream of an "asshole" and "murderer" but something Latinos should fight for, even if only within the borders of the US. It is my hope of a unity that can only be achieved when Latinos come together and forget our own individual differences and recognize the common social ills that affect us daily.

There will be many people who will disagree with my decision to put that photo in my gallery and will be strong in their opposition to the apparent “glorification of Che." I don't blame them. Who wants to see their enemy put on a pedestal to be worshipped? All I ask is that they understand that my admiration for the man does not condone his methods nor does it atone for those who died at his hand. Do know that his idealism and vision is what I respect. I will not make excuses for having his picture in my gallery but I hope to never be accused of being a follower of the consumerism that clouds the legacy of Ernesto Guevara. I chose to put the photo up out of my own volition not as part of a fad that will soon fade in favor of the next “pretty face.”

If you are going to debate this issue I hope you don’t resort to the typical name-calling most people are prone to.  In a discussion, it is a copout not an explanation.

I hope that this doesn't change your opinion of me because I am still the same person you knew before you read this blog. Nor will it change my opinion of you, no matter what your reaction is.>>
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There you have it, faithful reader...  Your thoughts?