I hate moving... Those of you who follow me on Twitter, Facebook, or have been friends with me for years know this about me.
My current situation: I need to move despite loving my current apartment. Both of my roommates have moved out and I simply cannot afford the apartment on my own.
I've looked at a couple of decent places, one really nice apartment, seen a lot of awful listings online, and I'm hoping to get it all sorted out soon (a.k.a. this upcoming week... cross your fingers and toes plz).
I have a couple ideas I'm bouncing around in my head to blog about. But I wanted to assure those of you who have been patiently waiting for my blog entry on Spanglish - you know who you are - that it will post very soon (I'm targeting sometime this beginning of the upcoming week, maybe Monday or Tuesday).
With that being said, I realized the other day that I'd rather not post anything on RaUM if all I have to offer you is an apology for not posting anything and a promise to post after a few days (or weeks). So I'm avoiding that in this entry.
I have to admit that having the apartment to myself is a great idea... on paper. To be honest, the first few days sucked. I missed having someone around. I'd been so used to having some ambient noise in the apartment whether it was during the time that I took care of my mom (financially) for all those years after my parents separated or more recently living with my fiancee (ex-fiancee now). I won't go so far as to say I was depressed but I was definitely melancholy. On those early nights I couldn't go to sleep because it was too quiet. I tried everything from reading, to watching TV, to drinking tea, to playing xBox to exhaustion... nothing worked. I recall seeing the outside world getting a little brighter, as the sun began to rise, just as I managed to SOMEHOW fall asleep. Sometimes being left alone with your thoughts is a TERRIBLE thing.
It's been just about a week now and one of the major adjustments has been getting myself accustomed to make dinner ahead of time. I get home any time between 9 and 10 PM on nights that I teach and, quite frankly, I'm too tired to start whipping up a meal on the spot. The idea of ordering out has been EXTREMELY tempting but I've been good about eating well and have had enough will power to avoid the easy take-out meal for dinner. It's not that I won't do it every now and then but I don't want to fall into the habit of doing it regularly. What I need to do is make several meals on the weekend and re-heat them throughout the week. That way I will always have something to eat. I'll also have some quick fix, on-the-fly type of foods available as well so if I don't feel like eating what I have in the fridge, I can still eat a good meal without resorting to eating food out of a can.
I can now say that I'm finally settling in to the idea of being on my own. It's not a terrible thing (it felt rotten early on) but it certainly will be a work in progress as I discover new things about being alone that I'm not necessarily aware of now: good and bad.
I'd like to hear from you on this topic. Help me figure things out a little, faithful reader. For those of you who have been on your own, what's been the biggest adjustments and/or lifestyle changes you had to deal with? For those of you who have yet to be on your own, what do you most look forward to when you think about living by yourself and what do you think you will miss the most from your current life?
I hope to hear from you soon.
Until next time, faithful reader......
2 comments:
I can't help but wonder why being alone is so uncomfortable for you. I remember another comment in which you mention you never been comfortable being single. Single=alone=bad?
In this blog you mention having difficulty being alone with your thoughts. Why is this so hard? I don't get why such a great person finds this so challenging. Figuring out the root to the discomfort may be the key.
I normally wouldn't leave this type of comment since it may be too personal but I figured it might help you figure things out.
Thanks for your comment!
Interesting theory ("single=alone=bad") but it's not 100% true. My issues with being single don't relate to the emotions I feel in the early stages of living alone. Living on my own is a major adjustment because I've always lived with someone my entire life. This is the first time I am truly on my own so it's more about experiencing the growing pains of living on my own. It's nothing bad but definitely a major adjustment.
As far as not being comfortable being single... I think deep down I'm a relationship junkie... but I also had very low self esteem when I was younger and it had me in a vicious cycle where I was single but didn't feel good enough about myself to be with anyone despite wanting to have a girlfriend. Now the issue is not self esteem but feeling like I don't know how to behave as a single adult. It's one thing to be single as a teen or even in college because the social setting makes it somewhat easier to meet people and hook up. I haven't figured out how to make the adjustment to meeting people in the "real world".
But I will say this... I am enjoying my life now. And despite not being in a relationship I can finally say I'm happy with the direction my life has taken. I've gotten adjusted to being alone in the apartment and all I need is to finalize my routine so it feels like home to me (this will be easier to do when I finally move into a new apartment).
I'm also flattered by your compliment (though "great person" may be overstating the truth... lol). What happens to me is that when I'm in a down mood my thoughts tend to perpetuate my foul, bitter, lonely, resentful, etc mood. I have a difficult time finding the silver lining (esp. when I have a lot of stress in other areas of my life).
It's been almost 2 weeks that I've been "alone" in the apartment and I've become more at ease with it. I still hate having to move (I did too much of it as a kid) but understand it's a necessary step in my development.
Thanks again for the comment! I truly appreciate your feedback.
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