(NOTE: Sorry that this took weeks to write. This arguably has been the hardest of the 3 parts to write...... I hope it was worth your wait.)
If you need to catch up on the story, here are the links to Part 1 and Part 2
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
My last week in the old apartment was fairly uneventful. The one thing I should have been dedicating my time to was packing. I had found the new apartment relatively quickly and there was a very small window to get my things over to the new place.
Instead, I was overwhelmed and exhausted with my work schedule. After getting home late after teaching each night, the LAST thing I wanted to do was PACK. Each night that week, I reasoned I had time the next day. That line of thinking didn't work when it got to be Thursday and I knew I had friends helping me move Friday night. I started getting things together in earnest on Thursday night.
I had devised a GENIUS plan to move all of my things to the new place. I was going to recruit several of my male friends to help me take furniture and bulk items to the apartment on Friday night and another group of "volunteers" would come by on Saturday (for the morning and afternoon) to take everything else. This would afford me a little extra time to pack (last minute, of course) on Friday night and MAYBE even Saturday morning. It would also allow me to rent the truck for only 24 hours.
The one snag in the ill-conceived plan was the timing of it all. You see, for those of you who don't remember, Halloween fell on a Saturday this year. I was basically asking my friends to help me move on Halloween weekend. This didn't prove to be a problem on Friday night as I got several dudes to come by and help me with what I figured was the more difficult part. The problem I had was finding people willing to help me out on Saturday. In the end, I only had about 3 people helping me the entire day.
I picked up the keys to my new apartment on Friday afternoon and picked up the UHaul truck before 5pm. My friends began arriving shortly thereafter for the big move. After several hours of heavy lifting, I took my boys out for some pizza and wings. The next morning, with many things still left to pack, I was disappointed to find that very few people were available to help me. Everyone's Halloween plans was beginning to interfere with my moving plans (grrrr). Not that I blame them but I have to admit being a little disappointed with the lack of help.
Eventually, with the help of a select few, I managed to get everything moved to my new apartment by 2AM (yes, you read that correctly*)! Oh, did I forget to mention that this was also when daylight savings time ended? When I say I was done at 2AM, I mean 2AM AFTER the clock was turned back one hour (so I was done by 3AM by my internal clock). There was JUST enough time for me to wash up and head out to my friend's Halloween party.
......
The first few weeks in the new place took some getting used to. There were many things about the life I knew that had been disrupted by the move. For starters, I was always used to living with SOMEONE. For most of my life it was my mom and for a couple of years it was with my ex. There is a lot to be said about having someone in close proximity to you. A residual closeness that I had gotten so used to and found so comforting. I didn't have to speak to the person but knowing someone was around was a nice feeling.
Now that I was living on my own I was more aware of how alone I was. Being forced to a position of self-sufficiency wasn't the issue. It was not having anyone to talk to. Not having anyone ask me a question or even tell me about their day. I had gotten so accustomed to these things in my life that I didn't realize how important it was for me to have someone with me.
There was so much alcohol that I had brought from the old apartment I figured I either needed to start drinking it myself or plan for the housewarming party. I recall the first night in my apartment I decided to have a celebratory cocktail and I made myself a margarita. The next night, I mixed myself another drink which I had with dinner. The following day I was in the mood for my 'nightly' drink while I was cooking. I had a pre-dinner cocktail and another one with dinner. Over the next few days, my own personal Happy Hour progressed to the point where I would have at least 3 drinks a night. I would go to bed buzzed daily (there were a few nights were I can say I was legitimately drunk).
This couldn't continue long term and there were two factors that led me to stop drinking as much as I did those first two weeks on my own. The first was a practical reason and it was financial. Drinking is an expensive hobby if you do too much of it and I wasn't ready to commit to buying a bottle or two every week. The second factor was much more personal. I've alluded to my father in my blog before... and it is partly due to him that I was able to stop drinking as much as I did.
My father was an alcoholic. He was in severe denial and I suspect that to this day he probably still believes he never really had a drinking problem. Though he had his moments of kindness, overall he was not a good man to my family. His way of coping with the stress in his life was to drink. To be honest, he was a better person when he was drunk. But it was this realization that really hit home with me.
I was dealing with the loneliness I was experiencing by distracting myself with my daily drinks. Alcohol was incorporated into nearly every aspect of my nightly routine. Since I got home late after teaching, I would mix a drink before starting to prepare dinner. I'd drink during dinner. I'd drink after dinner. I'd regularly fall asleep on the futon in the living room and wake up to a TV that had been on all night and staring at a half empty glass by my side.
I've since stopped drinking in excess thought I still enjoy a drink or two every now and again. In the weeks leading up to my move (and even a little after), many people told me that a person starts learning a lot about themselves when they live on their own. I didn't quite see that learning process manifest itself until I managed to clear my head of some clutter that had been keeping me from discovering who I am. I understand that the process is an ongoing one. It's an awakening of sorts; a discovery, if you will. And it is one that I'm genuinely excited about and I cannot wait to see where this journey takes me.
Until next time, faithful reader......
* A special thank you goes out to Anthony for his help on my moving weekend. He was the only one who came to help me on both days and even helped me almost until midnight on Halloween. He was heading out to the same Halloween party I was going to and I felt guilty that it was my move that made him go to the party so late. I am eternally grateful for his help during my move and I hope to someday repay him in kind. From the bottom of my heart, thank you brother! I owe you big time!
Thursday, December 31, 2009
Saturday, December 5, 2009
Lesson Learned?
I have been slowly unpacking a lot of my boxes. I have too much stuff and no where to put it. But I decided that I should go through some of these boxes to see what I can throw out (or sell on eBay and craigslist).
In one pile of old papers and notebooks I found some assignments I did back in junior high school. Among that pile o' junk I found Christmas cards I had gotten in the 7th grade. There was an envelope with a present drawn on it, meticulously colored in, and with the word "SUPRISE!" on the ribbon tied on the drawn gift box.
Inside the envelope was a nice card, presumably coming from a box of 15 other cards with similar designs and styles. From inside the card, out came a folded up note. The note was written in that neat penmanship - the kind of handwriting most girls seem to have in junior high school - on a small pink Hello Kitty notepad paper with tiny hearts along the top (where, incidentally, my name was spelled out with each letter inside it's own tiny heart).
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Alan,
You were right I do have some questions I'd like you to answer (You dont have to answer the questions if you dont want to but you do have to answer)
1) If you do like me wouldn't you want to know more about me? (If you want me to like you I would like to know more about you)
2) Why do you like me? (I know they are stupid questions but I have to get them out of my head)
P.S. Please answer them in a really answer if you know what I mean
P.P.S. Please write (or call) back
Love
S-----"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I found myself experiencing many mixed emotions as I processed what I had just read. This note was written almost 20 years ago. Why did I keep this card (and all my JHS junk) all this time? Why did this card/note re-appear in my life at this precise moment? What can I learn from this?
-- I was amused by how she told me I didn't have to answer... but I had to answer. =)
-- I have always claimed to be signal stupid and not someone who could gauge interest from women in my past. However, in hindsight, had I paid attention to what this girl was telling me in this note, my love life could have been different. Sometimes people want to know more about you because they find you interesting or are simply fishing for information. But it could also be that they might actually like you... not that this is the ONLY indicator but thinking back on moments in my life, I could have avoided confusion and missed opportunities had I learned this little lesson back in the 7th grade.
-- Why did I like her? An important question. Was it simply a physical attraction? Were there personality traits that drew me to her? These are not trivial details... but why DID I like her??...
-- The sad thing about this note is that I don't remember this girl. She isn't in my 8th grade yearbook (trust me, she isn't there. I checked... twice!) which means she probably switched schools at some point. *sigh* Yet another one of my JHS crushes abruptly exiting my life.
-- Nothing ever happened between me and this girl. I honestly cannot remember why... I don't think I ever answered this note. Is it possible I was a snob back then and was turned off by the fact she couldn't spell 'surprise' on the front of the card?? Did I get the card before the winter break and forgot all about the note by the time we came back to school?
-- The important thing about this note, for her, was that it gave her a chance to clean out the clutter from her head. I've realized this past holiday weekend that the clutter in my apartment isn't the only mess I'm dealing with. There is something I've been wrestling with lately and I'm using the emergence of this note as a catalyst for giving myself some piece of mind...
I've said it before and I'll say it again now: I'm a firm believer that coincidences aren't mere accidents. They occur in our lives for a purpose. We just need to be receptive to the reasons for these 'coincidences'. I don't claim to know why this happened to me now at this point in my life, but I do know it opened my eyes to something I should have taken care of a while ago.
Until next time, faithful reader......
In one pile of old papers and notebooks I found some assignments I did back in junior high school. Among that pile o' junk I found Christmas cards I had gotten in the 7th grade. There was an envelope with a present drawn on it, meticulously colored in, and with the word "SUPRISE!" on the ribbon tied on the drawn gift box.
Inside the envelope was a nice card, presumably coming from a box of 15 other cards with similar designs and styles. From inside the card, out came a folded up note. The note was written in that neat penmanship - the kind of handwriting most girls seem to have in junior high school - on a small pink Hello Kitty notepad paper with tiny hearts along the top (where, incidentally, my name was spelled out with each letter inside it's own tiny heart).
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Alan,
You were right I do have some questions I'd like you to answer (You dont have to answer the questions if you dont want to but you do have to answer)
1) If you do like me wouldn't you want to know more about me? (If you want me to like you I would like to know more about you)
2) Why do you like me? (I know they are stupid questions but I have to get them out of my head)
P.S. Please answer them in a really answer if you know what I mean
P.P.S. Please write (or call) back
Love
S-----"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I found myself experiencing many mixed emotions as I processed what I had just read. This note was written almost 20 years ago. Why did I keep this card (and all my JHS junk) all this time? Why did this card/note re-appear in my life at this precise moment? What can I learn from this?
-- I was amused by how she told me I didn't have to answer... but I had to answer. =)
-- I have always claimed to be signal stupid and not someone who could gauge interest from women in my past. However, in hindsight, had I paid attention to what this girl was telling me in this note, my love life could have been different. Sometimes people want to know more about you because they find you interesting or are simply fishing for information. But it could also be that they might actually like you... not that this is the ONLY indicator but thinking back on moments in my life, I could have avoided confusion and missed opportunities had I learned this little lesson back in the 7th grade.
-- Why did I like her? An important question. Was it simply a physical attraction? Were there personality traits that drew me to her? These are not trivial details... but why DID I like her??...
-- The sad thing about this note is that I don't remember this girl. She isn't in my 8th grade yearbook (trust me, she isn't there. I checked... twice!) which means she probably switched schools at some point. *sigh* Yet another one of my JHS crushes abruptly exiting my life.
-- Nothing ever happened between me and this girl. I honestly cannot remember why... I don't think I ever answered this note. Is it possible I was a snob back then and was turned off by the fact she couldn't spell 'surprise' on the front of the card?? Did I get the card before the winter break and forgot all about the note by the time we came back to school?
-- The important thing about this note, for her, was that it gave her a chance to clean out the clutter from her head. I've realized this past holiday weekend that the clutter in my apartment isn't the only mess I'm dealing with. There is something I've been wrestling with lately and I'm using the emergence of this note as a catalyst for giving myself some piece of mind...
I've said it before and I'll say it again now: I'm a firm believer that coincidences aren't mere accidents. They occur in our lives for a purpose. We just need to be receptive to the reasons for these 'coincidences'. I don't claim to know why this happened to me now at this point in my life, but I do know it opened my eyes to something I should have taken care of a while ago.
Until next time, faithful reader......
Thursday, November 26, 2009
Gratitude and Acknowledgments
Happy Thanksgiving everyone!
In the spirit of the season, I'd like to take this time to express my gratitude and thank everyone who has had an impact in my life this past year (in no particular order, a.k.a. as you pop into my head):
My Twitter peeps - I shout you out first because in a year of craziness you guys and gals have provided me a modicum of sanity (by showing me how much crazier you all are!! LMAO). Thanks for letting me vent without judgment and criticism, for offering me feedback when I needed it, and for giving me my daily dose of entertainment.
INNER CIRCLE:
Alexis - To the man I've known the longest out of anyone in my entire life. We may not have our spontaneous Dunkin runs like we used to back in the day, but I still appreciate you being there for me at the end of 2008 when I was at an emotional low point (and when we broke the "Dunkin code"). Though we may not hang out as much as I'd like, I will always value our friendship and want you to know I will always have your back!
Jorge/Frans - These two guys are my road dogs for life. Words cannot adequately relate how much I value having you guys as friends. We have been there for each other through thick and thin for the majority of our lives and I hope this continues until we're old and gray.
Tito - You're irreplaceable, bro. Forever my Cuban/DR brother for life!! Thank you for always making me feel at home (going back to our PS148 days!). I don't see you nearly enough and plan to remedy that in the upcoming year. When will you be coming up to NYC?
JV - Despite all the time and distance between us, it still feels like yesterday every time we meet. Memories of Madrigal will never fail to bring a smile to my face. Hopefully, the New Year 2010 plans will pan out.
Liz - I'm always grateful for my 'twin' who is always there to lend an ear (and to come asking me for advice which she NEVER takes). When are you inviting me to one of your dozens of annual cruises?
Sofia - You aren't old enough to read this or even know what these words mean. But I need to tell you that you have no idea how much your smile brightens up my day. I can't help but laugh and smile every time I see the "Palpatine" video I took of you during one of my recent visits. Tio Alan loves you very much!
Valued Friends/Colleagues:
Jessie/Miko/Tara - I'm grateful for having you ladies back in my life. Even if it is only for a few drinks every few months, I feel grounded when hanging with you all and value your friendship as much today (if not more) I did back in the BxSci days.
ULF - For the road trips we took at the start of the year! I had a blast (even though it may not have seemed like it at times). OH... and for late-night murder burgers.
BJB - For Trivial Pursuit and Tanqueray (never again!!). I owe you a drink (at least one)! In loving memory of Jean Pierre... lol
ES/KL - For helping me out on the day I needed it most (when you could have been doing ANYTHING else) and for not throwing your relationship in my face.
J(w/a'K')D - a new friend who I've been comfortable enough to laugh with and share with. I hope we remain friends for years to come. May there be many more FU's in our future. =)
EZ/MdlS - For being my 'release valve' when I needed a shoulder to lean on or someone to listen when I was beginning to keep things inside again.
SL/JO - For Vegas. Nuff said.
CM - The greatest TA a professor could ask for. Thank you for making my life so much simpler this semester!!
D - For our weekly chats in the department that cause me to be late for class.
My colleagues at QC - To those of who who continue to support me and offer guidance when I need it, I am eternally grateful!
Family:
All my cousins (NMR, AR, NP, VP, among others) - I adore you all and am glad we've been able to reconnect this year. I hope we continue to grow closer.
Euli - Thank you for being a part of my life again. I'm sorry for the time I spent away from you and hope that we can continue growing closer and learning from each other for a very, very long time. Love you, baby sis.
Mom - For always keeping me grounded and reminding me how to love unconditionally. For showing me how to be strong in the face of adversity. For showing me how to remain positive even when the world seems to be crumbling down around you. For teaching me to appreciate the little things in life and to value contact with our family, even if it is only for a moment. I love you, Mom.
Dad - Wherever you are. I no longer hate you like I did before. And though I have not forgiven you, I often wonder what you're doing now. For better or worse, te quiero viejo. You helped shape who I am today. There's not a week that goes by that I don't think of you (though that's not always a good thing, sir).
~~~~~~~~~~
I am sure there are others who have been left off this list. Do not take offense for this does not mean I care for you any less. It was not a bout of negligence that led me to keep you off of this list but rather I blame my faulty memory. But those of you who have had a significant impact in my life this past year know who you are. If not, I'll do my best to remind you who you are in the coming days, weeks, and years.
I wish you all a happy and healthy Thanksgiving 2009. May your feast tonight be bountiful, your drinks plentiful, and your hearts full of love and joy this holiday weekend.
Until next time, faithful reader...
In the spirit of the season, I'd like to take this time to express my gratitude and thank everyone who has had an impact in my life this past year (in no particular order, a.k.a. as you pop into my head):
My Twitter peeps - I shout you out first because in a year of craziness you guys and gals have provided me a modicum of sanity (by showing me how much crazier you all are!! LMAO). Thanks for letting me vent without judgment and criticism, for offering me feedback when I needed it, and for giving me my daily dose of entertainment.
INNER CIRCLE:
Alexis - To the man I've known the longest out of anyone in my entire life. We may not have our spontaneous Dunkin runs like we used to back in the day, but I still appreciate you being there for me at the end of 2008 when I was at an emotional low point (and when we broke the "Dunkin code"). Though we may not hang out as much as I'd like, I will always value our friendship and want you to know I will always have your back!
Jorge/Frans - These two guys are my road dogs for life. Words cannot adequately relate how much I value having you guys as friends. We have been there for each other through thick and thin for the majority of our lives and I hope this continues until we're old and gray.
Tito - You're irreplaceable, bro. Forever my Cuban/DR brother for life!! Thank you for always making me feel at home (going back to our PS148 days!). I don't see you nearly enough and plan to remedy that in the upcoming year. When will you be coming up to NYC?
JV - Despite all the time and distance between us, it still feels like yesterday every time we meet. Memories of Madrigal will never fail to bring a smile to my face. Hopefully, the New Year 2010 plans will pan out.
Liz - I'm always grateful for my 'twin' who is always there to lend an ear (and to come asking me for advice which she NEVER takes). When are you inviting me to one of your dozens of annual cruises?
Sofia - You aren't old enough to read this or even know what these words mean. But I need to tell you that you have no idea how much your smile brightens up my day. I can't help but laugh and smile every time I see the "Palpatine" video I took of you during one of my recent visits. Tio Alan loves you very much!
Valued Friends/Colleagues:
Jessie/Miko/Tara - I'm grateful for having you ladies back in my life. Even if it is only for a few drinks every few months, I feel grounded when hanging with you all and value your friendship as much today (if not more) I did back in the BxSci days.
ULF - For the road trips we took at the start of the year! I had a blast (even though it may not have seemed like it at times). OH... and for late-night murder burgers.
BJB - For Trivial Pursuit and Tanqueray (never again!!). I owe you a drink (at least one)! In loving memory of Jean Pierre... lol
ES/KL - For helping me out on the day I needed it most (when you could have been doing ANYTHING else) and for not throwing your relationship in my face.
J(w/a'K')D - a new friend who I've been comfortable enough to laugh with and share with. I hope we remain friends for years to come. May there be many more FU's in our future. =)
EZ/MdlS - For being my 'release valve' when I needed a shoulder to lean on or someone to listen when I was beginning to keep things inside again.
SL/JO - For Vegas. Nuff said.
CM - The greatest TA a professor could ask for. Thank you for making my life so much simpler this semester!!
D - For our weekly chats in the department that cause me to be late for class.
My colleagues at QC - To those of who who continue to support me and offer guidance when I need it, I am eternally grateful!
Family:
All my cousins (NMR, AR, NP, VP, among others) - I adore you all and am glad we've been able to reconnect this year. I hope we continue to grow closer.
Euli - Thank you for being a part of my life again. I'm sorry for the time I spent away from you and hope that we can continue growing closer and learning from each other for a very, very long time. Love you, baby sis.
Mom - For always keeping me grounded and reminding me how to love unconditionally. For showing me how to be strong in the face of adversity. For showing me how to remain positive even when the world seems to be crumbling down around you. For teaching me to appreciate the little things in life and to value contact with our family, even if it is only for a moment. I love you, Mom.
Dad - Wherever you are. I no longer hate you like I did before. And though I have not forgiven you, I often wonder what you're doing now. For better or worse, te quiero viejo. You helped shape who I am today. There's not a week that goes by that I don't think of you (though that's not always a good thing, sir).
~~~~~~~~~~
I am sure there are others who have been left off this list. Do not take offense for this does not mean I care for you any less. It was not a bout of negligence that led me to keep you off of this list but rather I blame my faulty memory. But those of you who have had a significant impact in my life this past year know who you are. If not, I'll do my best to remind you who you are in the coming days, weeks, and years.
I wish you all a happy and healthy Thanksgiving 2009. May your feast tonight be bountiful, your drinks plentiful, and your hearts full of love and joy this holiday weekend.
Until next time, faithful reader...
Tuesday, November 24, 2009
My New Apartment (Part 2)
Welcome back RaUM-nivores,
I need to back track for just a moment... There was one little detail that I may have overlooked in my previous post ("My New Apartment (Part 1)"). I had been looking for apartments for more than 6 weeks. But my search before those last 6 weeks had been half-hearted and full of optimism since the first apartment I viewed was a wonderful 1 bedroom apartment in Forest Hills. I assumed, having found that first apartment so quickly (and easily), that I would have no trouble finding another one JUST like it if I had to.
Now, I only had 2 weeks left in October and I needed to find an apartment ASAP. That Sunday (the 18th), I found a listing on craigslist.org for an apartment in Middle Village. It was less than $1,000/month and all the utilities were included. It was too good to be true in my opinion. My experience during this apartment hunt had been if it's too good to be true, it's because IT IS! But this place, though a little on the small side, was a nice little apartment with lots of natural light and it was in the same neighborhood (which I grew to love in my 3 years living there).
After meeting with the home owner, I practically committed to the place (after finding out that cable AND internet was also included at no additional charge). I was asked to come back to meet the owner's wife. I mentioned that my teaching schedule would prohibit me from stopping by at a reasonable hour in the evenings. We decided to meet later that week on Friday night.
The next day, Monday, after I was hit with a wave of curiosity I quickly browsed through a new list of apartments online. I saw a listing for a 1 BR apartment in Fresh Meadows which intrigued me. I decided to sneak a peek at an apartment in this neighborhood that I was somewhat familiar with since I had friends (Desiree and Carlos) that used to live there. I made an appointment to see the place on Tuesday before my evening class.
There must have been magic in the air that day. Or perhaps it was a convergence of cosmic forces. Something seemed to indicate it was a day I was destined to live through. A feeling more profound than deja vu. The one major surprise I had that day was running into Desiree while waiting for my appointment with the real estate broker. For some reason, she was in her old neighborhood (you see, her and Carlos had moved into their own home away from this area a while ago). She was in her car, her mom was riding shotgun, and her son was in his car seat in the back. I remember asking her what she was doing around there but she ended up asking me about why I was there, she told me about the broker I was meeting up with, and she gave me some tips on what to expect from him. It seemed like an odd coincidence at the time, but I've come to realize that in life we seldom experience mere coincidences. There is typically something more to those 'coincidences'. Why was it that I ran into her then and there, when I haven't seen her or spoken to her (or Carlos even) in several months?
A few minutes later, I was walking into a beautiful, spacious 1 BR apartment that I fell in love with immediately. The rent was reasonable and I liked everything about this place. It was the only apartment I had seen (other than the one in Forest Hills that I had seen a few months before) where I could envision myself living for years to come. Every other apartment I had seen had it's share of pros and cons. Ultimately they were all apartments that I knew I would either outgrow or get tired of living in after several months.
This was not a trivial detail. After all, this was the first apartment where I would be living on my own: my own space; my stuff; occupied by me, myself and I. Finding the right place was a huge decision for me. I've moved so much in my life that all I want is to feel settled, to have a place I can call my home. I didn't want to be hasty about selecting the "right" apartment.
This was the perfect fit. I knew it. Sure enough, in the span of an hour I had run into Des, I saw the apartment, and I was handing over a modest payment which was needed to 'hold' my apartment while they performed a credit and background check.
I remember running back to school that evening and wanting to share the news with someone. I didn't want to keep the news of my major decision to myself. Thankfully, I got to tell the good news to a friend of mine who happened to still be on campus that evening (and it was totally worth being late to my class for!)
Two days later, I was signing my lease (and also violating my #1 rule for apartment hunting, paying a broker's fee).
MY LEASE.
MY... LEASE...
...for my very own apartment. It was a moment of tremendous pride and joy for me.
~~~~~~~~~~
Stay tuned for the third (and final) part of my story where I regale you with tales from my last week in the old apartment, the move on Halloween weekend, and my first days in the new apartment.
Until next time, faithful reader......
I need to back track for just a moment... There was one little detail that I may have overlooked in my previous post ("My New Apartment (Part 1)"). I had been looking for apartments for more than 6 weeks. But my search before those last 6 weeks had been half-hearted and full of optimism since the first apartment I viewed was a wonderful 1 bedroom apartment in Forest Hills. I assumed, having found that first apartment so quickly (and easily), that I would have no trouble finding another one JUST like it if I had to.
Now, I only had 2 weeks left in October and I needed to find an apartment ASAP. That Sunday (the 18th), I found a listing on craigslist.org for an apartment in Middle Village. It was less than $1,000/month and all the utilities were included. It was too good to be true in my opinion. My experience during this apartment hunt had been if it's too good to be true, it's because IT IS! But this place, though a little on the small side, was a nice little apartment with lots of natural light and it was in the same neighborhood (which I grew to love in my 3 years living there).
After meeting with the home owner, I practically committed to the place (after finding out that cable AND internet was also included at no additional charge). I was asked to come back to meet the owner's wife. I mentioned that my teaching schedule would prohibit me from stopping by at a reasonable hour in the evenings. We decided to meet later that week on Friday night.
The next day, Monday, after I was hit with a wave of curiosity I quickly browsed through a new list of apartments online. I saw a listing for a 1 BR apartment in Fresh Meadows which intrigued me. I decided to sneak a peek at an apartment in this neighborhood that I was somewhat familiar with since I had friends (Desiree and Carlos) that used to live there. I made an appointment to see the place on Tuesday before my evening class.
There must have been magic in the air that day. Or perhaps it was a convergence of cosmic forces. Something seemed to indicate it was a day I was destined to live through. A feeling more profound than deja vu. The one major surprise I had that day was running into Desiree while waiting for my appointment with the real estate broker. For some reason, she was in her old neighborhood (you see, her and Carlos had moved into their own home away from this area a while ago). She was in her car, her mom was riding shotgun, and her son was in his car seat in the back. I remember asking her what she was doing around there but she ended up asking me about why I was there, she told me about the broker I was meeting up with, and she gave me some tips on what to expect from him. It seemed like an odd coincidence at the time, but I've come to realize that in life we seldom experience mere coincidences. There is typically something more to those 'coincidences'. Why was it that I ran into her then and there, when I haven't seen her or spoken to her (or Carlos even) in several months?
A few minutes later, I was walking into a beautiful, spacious 1 BR apartment that I fell in love with immediately. The rent was reasonable and I liked everything about this place. It was the only apartment I had seen (other than the one in Forest Hills that I had seen a few months before) where I could envision myself living for years to come. Every other apartment I had seen had it's share of pros and cons. Ultimately they were all apartments that I knew I would either outgrow or get tired of living in after several months.
This was not a trivial detail. After all, this was the first apartment where I would be living on my own: my own space; my stuff; occupied by me, myself and I. Finding the right place was a huge decision for me. I've moved so much in my life that all I want is to feel settled, to have a place I can call my home. I didn't want to be hasty about selecting the "right" apartment.
This was the perfect fit. I knew it. Sure enough, in the span of an hour I had run into Des, I saw the apartment, and I was handing over a modest payment which was needed to 'hold' my apartment while they performed a credit and background check.
I remember running back to school that evening and wanting to share the news with someone. I didn't want to keep the news of my major decision to myself. Thankfully, I got to tell the good news to a friend of mine who happened to still be on campus that evening (and it was totally worth being late to my class for!)
Two days later, I was signing my lease (and also violating my #1 rule for apartment hunting, paying a broker's fee).
MY LEASE.
MY... LEASE...
...for my very own apartment. It was a moment of tremendous pride and joy for me.
~~~~~~~~~~
Stay tuned for the third (and final) part of my story where I regale you with tales from my last week in the old apartment, the move on Halloween weekend, and my first days in the new apartment.
Until next time, faithful reader......
Saturday, November 14, 2009
My New Apartment (Part 1)
Hello there,
It certainly has been a while, hasn't it?
When I started writing this entry it was a week before Halloween. I was excited that I had finally found my next apartment. My bona fide bachelor pad. Then, the reality of having to pack, moving, and getting settled in the new place smacked me in the face. Hard!
Here's the story of my new apartment...
I had been actively looking for an apartment for almost 6 weeks. My roommate has found a place and moved out already. I was living alone in an apartment that was too big (and, frankly, too expensive) for just me. And even though I was alone, the apartment didn't feel like my own. It has been shared for several years and I couldn't shake the history that existed in that apartment. It would never be "MY" place no matter how long I lived there.
I spoke with my landlord in September and informed her I'd be forced to move (and thus breaking my lease). We agreed that, as long as they found someone to move in immediately, I wouldn't lose any part of my deposit.
I set a personal deadline of October 15th as my final day in the apartment. I figured I would find a place to move into by the 1st. This would give me two solid weeks to organized my things and move into the new apartment without having to rush. Well, Oct 1st passed and I started considering a quicker move. Perhaps I'd move on the weekend of the 15th instead. The stubborn old me wanted to stick to my self-imposed deadline. In the meantime, the landlord had people visiting my apartment every weekend. I didn't mind. If anything, I welcomed all the visitors. Every new person walking into my place was another potential resident who would assure me the full amount of my deposit.
Panic didn't set in until around the 15th. I hadn't been able to find a suitable apartment up to that point. Time was running out and I certainly didn't want to move in the winter. I've done a cold weather move before and it is BRUTAL. I definitely did NOT want to live through that again. Also, I didn't want my friends (those who would help me move) to deal with bad weather either.
That weekend, my landlord had set-up several appointments to view my apartment. I indicated to her that I wanted to move by Nov 1st. I had a concrete date now. A fixed deadline. I didn't want to back down on my word. I had to find a place... and soon!
(To be continued, faithful reader......)
It certainly has been a while, hasn't it?
When I started writing this entry it was a week before Halloween. I was excited that I had finally found my next apartment. My bona fide bachelor pad. Then, the reality of having to pack, moving, and getting settled in the new place smacked me in the face. Hard!
Here's the story of my new apartment...
I had been actively looking for an apartment for almost 6 weeks. My roommate has found a place and moved out already. I was living alone in an apartment that was too big (and, frankly, too expensive) for just me. And even though I was alone, the apartment didn't feel like my own. It has been shared for several years and I couldn't shake the history that existed in that apartment. It would never be "MY" place no matter how long I lived there.
I spoke with my landlord in September and informed her I'd be forced to move (and thus breaking my lease). We agreed that, as long as they found someone to move in immediately, I wouldn't lose any part of my deposit.
I set a personal deadline of October 15th as my final day in the apartment. I figured I would find a place to move into by the 1st. This would give me two solid weeks to organized my things and move into the new apartment without having to rush. Well, Oct 1st passed and I started considering a quicker move. Perhaps I'd move on the weekend of the 15th instead. The stubborn old me wanted to stick to my self-imposed deadline. In the meantime, the landlord had people visiting my apartment every weekend. I didn't mind. If anything, I welcomed all the visitors. Every new person walking into my place was another potential resident who would assure me the full amount of my deposit.
Panic didn't set in until around the 15th. I hadn't been able to find a suitable apartment up to that point. Time was running out and I certainly didn't want to move in the winter. I've done a cold weather move before and it is BRUTAL. I definitely did NOT want to live through that again. Also, I didn't want my friends (those who would help me move) to deal with bad weather either.
That weekend, my landlord had set-up several appointments to view my apartment. I indicated to her that I wanted to move by Nov 1st. I had a concrete date now. A fixed deadline. I didn't want to back down on my word. I had to find a place... and soon!
(To be continued, faithful reader......)
Thursday, November 5, 2009
RaUM's 1st Anniversary
I'll keep this brief.
Thank you to all of the readers who have been following my blog, from those of you who check in sporadically to those who have devoured every word, picture, and video posted on RaUM in the past 12 months. =)
When I started this blog last year I honestly never expected to continue writing for a sustained period of time as frequently as I have. I didn't expect my friends to read more than a handful of entries much less having strangers referred to my blog. I am humbled by the support I've received through this blog and it's become a part of my life now. I'm not sure how long it will last but, for now, I'm enjoying the ride. I'm grateful that you have decided to ride shotgun with me!
Thank you again, from the bottom of my heart! I appreciate your readership and hope you stick around a while longer.
Until next time, faithful reader......
(P.S. Now that I'm finally moved into the new apartment, it's safe to say that regular updates will resume this weekend.)
Thank you to all of the readers who have been following my blog, from those of you who check in sporadically to those who have devoured every word, picture, and video posted on RaUM in the past 12 months. =)
When I started this blog last year I honestly never expected to continue writing for a sustained period of time as frequently as I have. I didn't expect my friends to read more than a handful of entries much less having strangers referred to my blog. I am humbled by the support I've received through this blog and it's become a part of my life now. I'm not sure how long it will last but, for now, I'm enjoying the ride. I'm grateful that you have decided to ride shotgun with me!
Thank you again, from the bottom of my heart! I appreciate your readership and hope you stick around a while longer.
Until next time, faithful reader......
(P.S. Now that I'm finally moved into the new apartment, it's safe to say that regular updates will resume this weekend.)
Friday, October 16, 2009
Milestones
Welcome back to another installment of RaUM,
I usually don't consider any drop in weight to be permanent unless I can have three consecutive days at or near the 'new' weight. But I can say unequivocally that I officially 185 pounds!
My first major milestone weight was getting to 200 pounds. When I reached 200, I thought I could make it to 185 and figured that would be the absolute minimum weight I could maintain and still be healthy. I created short term goals along the way. The first goal was getting under 200 pounds and maintaining that weight. Then I used every 5 pounds as a mini-goal. Now that I'm at 185, and feeling fantastic, I realize that I still have few extra pounds that I could lose.
I'm in a strange place now, mentally. I never thought I would be able to drop below 200 pounds on a consistent basis and 185 always seemed so far away for the past 2 years that, now that I am at this weight, I almost don't know what to do. Do I consider a lighter weight as my new "ultimate" goal? Do I maintain my current weight and stay content with my progress to date? I don't want to reach the point where all I want to do is continue losing weight because that's not realistic.
I know I mentioned before it isn't so much about weight as it is about how I look and feel. I can definitively say that one thing that has annoyed me about the whole weight loss process is realizing that almost every bit of clothing I wore last fall/winter fits a little too loose for my liking now for the colder weather we're about to experience in the Northeast. I need to go on a little shopping spree for my new body. =)
To be honest, I'm kind of afraid to go shopping since I may undergo another weight loss and change in my body which will make all the new clothes relatively useless. but I think it's a small price to pay for the "new" me.
I'd like to thank those of you who have supported me along the way, whether directly or indirectly. Every comment about how much slimmer I looked, every second glance I got from the most unexpected people, and every seemingly innocuous comment about how I was looking better, not only boosted my ego but gave me additional motivation to keep plugging along to my goal in the past two years.
Recap of my progress (based on weight):
Holiday season 2007-08 -- 225 (possibly closer to 230)
August 2008 -- 216-217
Dec 31, 2008 -- 206
February 13, 2009 -- ~201
March 23, 2009 -- 198 (plateaued at this weight for quite some time but I was happy to be consistently under 200 lbs.)
July 12, 2009 -- 195 (finally a break through in the summer but plateaued here again and became a bit frustrated but plugged right along continuing what I was doing)
October 15, 2009 -- 185!!
- 40+ pounds in less than 2 years
- 20 pounds in the 10 months of this year
- 10 pounds in the last 3 months alone
I'm soooooooo stoked. I haven't decided on my next milestone. But I can say that now I'm a full fledged Middleweight (my UFC/MMA fans know what I'm talking about!).
I cannot adequately express in words how immensely proud I am of getting as far as I have. Thank you again to those who have encouraged me, directly or indirectly, in the past 2 years.
I am a new man. And I'm loving every second of it.
Until next time, faithful reader......
I usually don't consider any drop in weight to be permanent unless I can have three consecutive days at or near the 'new' weight. But I can say unequivocally that I officially 185 pounds!
My first major milestone weight was getting to 200 pounds. When I reached 200, I thought I could make it to 185 and figured that would be the absolute minimum weight I could maintain and still be healthy. I created short term goals along the way. The first goal was getting under 200 pounds and maintaining that weight. Then I used every 5 pounds as a mini-goal. Now that I'm at 185, and feeling fantastic, I realize that I still have few extra pounds that I could lose.
I'm in a strange place now, mentally. I never thought I would be able to drop below 200 pounds on a consistent basis and 185 always seemed so far away for the past 2 years that, now that I am at this weight, I almost don't know what to do. Do I consider a lighter weight as my new "ultimate" goal? Do I maintain my current weight and stay content with my progress to date? I don't want to reach the point where all I want to do is continue losing weight because that's not realistic.
I know I mentioned before it isn't so much about weight as it is about how I look and feel. I can definitively say that one thing that has annoyed me about the whole weight loss process is realizing that almost every bit of clothing I wore last fall/winter fits a little too loose for my liking now for the colder weather we're about to experience in the Northeast. I need to go on a little shopping spree for my new body. =)
To be honest, I'm kind of afraid to go shopping since I may undergo another weight loss and change in my body which will make all the new clothes relatively useless. but I think it's a small price to pay for the "new" me.
I'd like to thank those of you who have supported me along the way, whether directly or indirectly. Every comment about how much slimmer I looked, every second glance I got from the most unexpected people, and every seemingly innocuous comment about how I was looking better, not only boosted my ego but gave me additional motivation to keep plugging along to my goal in the past two years.
Recap of my progress (based on weight):
Holiday season 2007-08 -- 225 (possibly closer to 230)
August 2008 -- 216-217
Dec 31, 2008 -- 206
February 13, 2009 -- ~201
March 23, 2009 -- 198 (plateaued at this weight for quite some time but I was happy to be consistently under 200 lbs.)
July 12, 2009 -- 195 (finally a break through in the summer but plateaued here again and became a bit frustrated but plugged right along continuing what I was doing)
October 15, 2009 -- 185!!
- 40+ pounds in less than 2 years
- 20 pounds in the 10 months of this year
- 10 pounds in the last 3 months alone
I'm soooooooo stoked. I haven't decided on my next milestone. But I can say that now I'm a full fledged Middleweight (my UFC/MMA fans know what I'm talking about!).
I cannot adequately express in words how immensely proud I am of getting as far as I have. Thank you again to those who have encouraged me, directly or indirectly, in the past 2 years.
I am a new man. And I'm loving every second of it.
Until next time, faithful reader......
Friday, October 9, 2009
Spanglish (or Another Big Pet Peeve)
Well, this is something I've been wanting to vent about on this blog for quite some time now. I'll do my best to present my case, as I see it, and let you react to it by posting your comments below.
There are many things about the English language that I appreciate especially since it is my native language. I was born in the states, grew up here, and despite a mixed cultural heritage, English will always be my first language. At the same time, I find a lot of beauty in the Spanish language as well. There are many phrases and ways of wording statements that simply cannot be translated literally without sounding like gibberish in English (remember learning about idiomatic phrases?). It is because of my love for English and Spanish that I have begun my hate affair with Spanglish (if we can have "love affairs" we can ALSO have "hate affairs"... hmph).
Spanglish, for those of you who don't know, is a phrase coined by Salvador Tio (a Puerto Rican linguist) describing the "code switching" between English and Spanish. Essentially, a person will switch between using English and Spanish in a conversation, sentence, or any other form of dialogue. The by-product of this is, not just the confusion of both languages, but the creation of a new vocabulary that blurs the line between English and Spanish.
Here are some examples:
- When talking about a parade, Spanglish speakers will use the word 'parada' instead of 'desfile'. A 'parada' is a stop NOT a parade!!
- Hangueando/chileando: meant to indicate the person is hanging out or chillin'. It's fucking stupid!!
- 'Lonche': Seriously?!? It is really so hard to say 'ALMUERZO'?? DAMN!
- Marqueta: Now it's getting ridiculous! Did you forget the word 'mercado' or maybe 'tienda'??
- 'Carpeta': OK now we're just getting lazy, aren't we?? I grew up not actively speaking Spanish and even I know a carpet is an 'alfombra'. If this native-born gringo knows this word, why do other Spanish speakers not know this?
- 'Boila': Is this what we've come to? Why don't you ask someone what the Spanish word for 'boiler' is, PLEASE!!!!!
More incorrect uses of words based on confusion between English and Spanish words:
(1) 'Asistir' looks like the English word 'assist' so it is used in place of 'ayudar'. In Spanish, 'asistir' means to attend.
(2) 'Atender' looks like 'attend' in English so it's used instead of 'asistir'. In Spanish, 'atender' means 'to heed', 'to look after', or 'to pay attention'.
The list goes on and on. As a matter of fact, Wikipedia's Spanglish listing actually has some good examples if you want to see some more misuses of my beautiful languages. Each one is more ridiculous than the last. It's as ridiculous as English speakers adding the letter 'o' to every English word thinking that it instantly makes it a Spanish word!
In NYC, our form of Spanglish has been influenced primarily by Puerto Ricans and Dominicans. In the Southwest US, it's Chicanos that created their variety of Spanglish. For a long time, I thought Spanglish was a result of ignorance and poor education by low-skilled immigrants that came to the U.S. I know better than to assume that now. Nevertheless, Spanglish has been adopted by new generations of Latinos/Hispanics who accept it as a valid "language" even tho it's ruining the true Spanish language, the beautiful language that I adore.
Now I must say that I don't hate the interchanging of languages, per se. As a sociologist, I can accept that phenomena as by-product of the culture clash that exists when an immigrant population enters a new environment and mingles with the native population. It is the changing - bastardizing, is more like it - of the original languages (those of the native born and immigrant groups) that bothers me the most.
*sigh* I feel better now that that's off my chest. Your thoughts?
Until next time, faithful reader......
There are many things about the English language that I appreciate especially since it is my native language. I was born in the states, grew up here, and despite a mixed cultural heritage, English will always be my first language. At the same time, I find a lot of beauty in the Spanish language as well. There are many phrases and ways of wording statements that simply cannot be translated literally without sounding like gibberish in English (remember learning about idiomatic phrases?). It is because of my love for English and Spanish that I have begun my hate affair with Spanglish (if we can have "love affairs" we can ALSO have "hate affairs"... hmph).
Spanglish, for those of you who don't know, is a phrase coined by Salvador Tio (a Puerto Rican linguist) describing the "code switching" between English and Spanish. Essentially, a person will switch between using English and Spanish in a conversation, sentence, or any other form of dialogue. The by-product of this is, not just the confusion of both languages, but the creation of a new vocabulary that blurs the line between English and Spanish.
Here are some examples:
- When talking about a parade, Spanglish speakers will use the word 'parada' instead of 'desfile'. A 'parada' is a stop NOT a parade!!
- Hangueando/chileando: meant to indicate the person is hanging out or chillin'. It's fucking stupid!!
- 'Lonche': Seriously?!? It is really so hard to say 'ALMUERZO'?? DAMN!
- Marqueta: Now it's getting ridiculous! Did you forget the word 'mercado' or maybe 'tienda'??
- 'Carpeta': OK now we're just getting lazy, aren't we?? I grew up not actively speaking Spanish and even I know a carpet is an 'alfombra'. If this native-born gringo knows this word, why do other Spanish speakers not know this?
- 'Boila': Is this what we've come to? Why don't you ask someone what the Spanish word for 'boiler' is, PLEASE!!!!!
More incorrect uses of words based on confusion between English and Spanish words:
(1) 'Asistir' looks like the English word 'assist' so it is used in place of 'ayudar'. In Spanish, 'asistir' means to attend.
(2) 'Atender' looks like 'attend' in English so it's used instead of 'asistir'. In Spanish, 'atender' means 'to heed', 'to look after', or 'to pay attention'.
The list goes on and on. As a matter of fact, Wikipedia's Spanglish listing actually has some good examples if you want to see some more misuses of my beautiful languages. Each one is more ridiculous than the last. It's as ridiculous as English speakers adding the letter 'o' to every English word thinking that it instantly makes it a Spanish word!
In NYC, our form of Spanglish has been influenced primarily by Puerto Ricans and Dominicans. In the Southwest US, it's Chicanos that created their variety of Spanglish. For a long time, I thought Spanglish was a result of ignorance and poor education by low-skilled immigrants that came to the U.S. I know better than to assume that now. Nevertheless, Spanglish has been adopted by new generations of Latinos/Hispanics who accept it as a valid "language" even tho it's ruining the true Spanish language, the beautiful language that I adore.
Now I must say that I don't hate the interchanging of languages, per se. As a sociologist, I can accept that phenomena as by-product of the culture clash that exists when an immigrant population enters a new environment and mingles with the native population. It is the changing - bastardizing, is more like it - of the original languages (those of the native born and immigrant groups) that bothers me the most.
*sigh* I feel better now that that's off my chest. Your thoughts?
Until next time, faithful reader......
Saturday, October 3, 2009
On My Own and Moving Along
I hate moving... Those of you who follow me on Twitter, Facebook, or have been friends with me for years know this about me.
My current situation: I need to move despite loving my current apartment. Both of my roommates have moved out and I simply cannot afford the apartment on my own.
I've looked at a couple of decent places, one really nice apartment, seen a lot of awful listings online, and I'm hoping to get it all sorted out soon (a.k.a. this upcoming week... cross your fingers and toes plz).
I have a couple ideas I'm bouncing around in my head to blog about. But I wanted to assure those of you who have been patiently waiting for my blog entry on Spanglish - you know who you are - that it will post very soon (I'm targeting sometime this beginning of the upcoming week, maybe Monday or Tuesday).
With that being said, I realized the other day that I'd rather not post anything on RaUM if all I have to offer you is an apology for not posting anything and a promise to post after a few days (or weeks). So I'm avoiding that in this entry.
I have to admit that having the apartment to myself is a great idea... on paper. To be honest, the first few days sucked. I missed having someone around. I'd been so used to having some ambient noise in the apartment whether it was during the time that I took care of my mom (financially) for all those years after my parents separated or more recently living with my fiancee (ex-fiancee now). I won't go so far as to say I was depressed but I was definitely melancholy. On those early nights I couldn't go to sleep because it was too quiet. I tried everything from reading, to watching TV, to drinking tea, to playing xBox to exhaustion... nothing worked. I recall seeing the outside world getting a little brighter, as the sun began to rise, just as I managed to SOMEHOW fall asleep. Sometimes being left alone with your thoughts is a TERRIBLE thing.
It's been just about a week now and one of the major adjustments has been getting myself accustomed to make dinner ahead of time. I get home any time between 9 and 10 PM on nights that I teach and, quite frankly, I'm too tired to start whipping up a meal on the spot. The idea of ordering out has been EXTREMELY tempting but I've been good about eating well and have had enough will power to avoid the easy take-out meal for dinner. It's not that I won't do it every now and then but I don't want to fall into the habit of doing it regularly. What I need to do is make several meals on the weekend and re-heat them throughout the week. That way I will always have something to eat. I'll also have some quick fix, on-the-fly type of foods available as well so if I don't feel like eating what I have in the fridge, I can still eat a good meal without resorting to eating food out of a can.
I can now say that I'm finally settling in to the idea of being on my own. It's not a terrible thing (it felt rotten early on) but it certainly will be a work in progress as I discover new things about being alone that I'm not necessarily aware of now: good and bad.
I'd like to hear from you on this topic. Help me figure things out a little, faithful reader. For those of you who have been on your own, what's been the biggest adjustments and/or lifestyle changes you had to deal with? For those of you who have yet to be on your own, what do you most look forward to when you think about living by yourself and what do you think you will miss the most from your current life?
I hope to hear from you soon.
Until next time, faithful reader......
My current situation: I need to move despite loving my current apartment. Both of my roommates have moved out and I simply cannot afford the apartment on my own.
I've looked at a couple of decent places, one really nice apartment, seen a lot of awful listings online, and I'm hoping to get it all sorted out soon (a.k.a. this upcoming week... cross your fingers and toes plz).
I have a couple ideas I'm bouncing around in my head to blog about. But I wanted to assure those of you who have been patiently waiting for my blog entry on Spanglish - you know who you are - that it will post very soon (I'm targeting sometime this beginning of the upcoming week, maybe Monday or Tuesday).
With that being said, I realized the other day that I'd rather not post anything on RaUM if all I have to offer you is an apology for not posting anything and a promise to post after a few days (or weeks). So I'm avoiding that in this entry.
I have to admit that having the apartment to myself is a great idea... on paper. To be honest, the first few days sucked. I missed having someone around. I'd been so used to having some ambient noise in the apartment whether it was during the time that I took care of my mom (financially) for all those years after my parents separated or more recently living with my fiancee (ex-fiancee now). I won't go so far as to say I was depressed but I was definitely melancholy. On those early nights I couldn't go to sleep because it was too quiet. I tried everything from reading, to watching TV, to drinking tea, to playing xBox to exhaustion... nothing worked. I recall seeing the outside world getting a little brighter, as the sun began to rise, just as I managed to SOMEHOW fall asleep. Sometimes being left alone with your thoughts is a TERRIBLE thing.
It's been just about a week now and one of the major adjustments has been getting myself accustomed to make dinner ahead of time. I get home any time between 9 and 10 PM on nights that I teach and, quite frankly, I'm too tired to start whipping up a meal on the spot. The idea of ordering out has been EXTREMELY tempting but I've been good about eating well and have had enough will power to avoid the easy take-out meal for dinner. It's not that I won't do it every now and then but I don't want to fall into the habit of doing it regularly. What I need to do is make several meals on the weekend and re-heat them throughout the week. That way I will always have something to eat. I'll also have some quick fix, on-the-fly type of foods available as well so if I don't feel like eating what I have in the fridge, I can still eat a good meal without resorting to eating food out of a can.
I can now say that I'm finally settling in to the idea of being on my own. It's not a terrible thing (it felt rotten early on) but it certainly will be a work in progress as I discover new things about being alone that I'm not necessarily aware of now: good and bad.
I'd like to hear from you on this topic. Help me figure things out a little, faithful reader. For those of you who have been on your own, what's been the biggest adjustments and/or lifestyle changes you had to deal with? For those of you who have yet to be on your own, what do you most look forward to when you think about living by yourself and what do you think you will miss the most from your current life?
I hope to hear from you soon.
Until next time, faithful reader......
Saturday, September 26, 2009
Who is The One?
No. I don't mean Neo (from the Matrix).
I'm referring to "THE ONE": the ideal mate that we all are destined to meet, fall in love with, and have a happy and fulfilling life with!
In a recent conversation with my best friend, we discussed the concept of "the one". There are many people who want to live by this idea and use it as the yardstick with which to measure all potential mates. The danger in that way of thinking is that you may end up having expectations that are exceedingly high. So high, in fact, that no person could realistically meet them. This is not to say a person should settle for less than they feel they deserve but we need to bear in mind how irrational the idea of the perfect mate ("the one") truly is. These people may be closing the door on opportunities with a potentially great mate and maybe, if they're lucky enough, their future husband or wife.
This model of perfection is something that we use to highlight all the characteristics we want in a mate, both on the inside and the outside. Some people are more shallow than others and only care about the outside while others consider themselves people of substance, more concerned with the inner beauty in a potential mate.
I think my "one" is somewhere in between. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't a little shallow regarding looks but I also don't want someone supermodel-esque (nor would I turn it away, I'm not stupid!). I've always been more of a 'natural beauty' kind of guy. I'm a sucker for a beautiful smile. It's not just about having nice teeth but also having their heart and soul shine in their laughter and smile. No fakeness to it at all. I'm neither a "boob man" nor an "ass man". This is not to say I want a flat-chested, flat-assed woman. I'm a fan of shapely women. Nice hips and curves are extremely sexy to me. =)
I like women with a great sense of humor. Sarcasm is always welcome. The ability to laugh at yourself is critical. Also, my 'one' need to be able to dish it out a little. She is someone who will keep me on my toes. I'm a smart man (toot toot) and need a woman who is on my level and can keep up with me when I drop the occasional one-liner. If I have to explain myself it kills the whole purpose of the joke, innuendo, or statement.
I want a woman who isn't afraid to speak her mind no matter how mundane or intimate a subject is. My 'one' is an affectionate woman who won't keep me guessing how she feels about me, our relationship, or anything else important to her (or us). One other facet of 'the one' deals with our sexual desires and needs. I won't discuss this aspect of my 'one' on this blog. But if you're wondering, I know what I would like and dislike from my 'one' when it comes to sex/sexuality/sensuality/etc.
This, by no means, is the entire list. These are the characteristics that have come to my mind while writing this blog entry. But, to me (as I'm sure it is for most people), the list is quite exhaustive and ranges from the minimal traits to characteristics that are "deal-breakers" for certain people. I believe the best we can all hope for is someone who matches the majority of the characteristics we hope to find in "the one".
There is one other issue with idea of 'the one'. The truth of the matter is that there is no ACTUAL "one". 'The one' is constantly evolving as we grow older (and wiser?). Our needs, expectations, and likes/dislikes change with time and 'the one' changes with us. The people we meet, the events in our lives, and other social factors constantly influence us and causes us to re-evaluate what we value in our lives. It's very difficult to find a person who will change along with us in the way that we would like. To expect someone to change in every little way to meet our selfish desires is one of the major causes of break-ups among many of my friends.
I consider 'the one' to be more like 'the one right now'. We can't anticipate what will change within us. And that's part of the beauty of life and living. We don't know what tomorrow will bring. The best we can hope for is someone who is understanding enough to accept us for who we are and that he/she is someone that we can do the same for.
Thanks for listening. What's your take on this?
Look forward to hearing from you.
Until next time, faithful reader......
I'm referring to "THE ONE": the ideal mate that we all are destined to meet, fall in love with, and have a happy and fulfilling life with!
In a recent conversation with my best friend, we discussed the concept of "the one". There are many people who want to live by this idea and use it as the yardstick with which to measure all potential mates. The danger in that way of thinking is that you may end up having expectations that are exceedingly high. So high, in fact, that no person could realistically meet them. This is not to say a person should settle for less than they feel they deserve but we need to bear in mind how irrational the idea of the perfect mate ("the one") truly is. These people may be closing the door on opportunities with a potentially great mate and maybe, if they're lucky enough, their future husband or wife.
This model of perfection is something that we use to highlight all the characteristics we want in a mate, both on the inside and the outside. Some people are more shallow than others and only care about the outside while others consider themselves people of substance, more concerned with the inner beauty in a potential mate.
I think my "one" is somewhere in between. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't a little shallow regarding looks but I also don't want someone supermodel-esque (nor would I turn it away, I'm not stupid!). I've always been more of a 'natural beauty' kind of guy. I'm a sucker for a beautiful smile. It's not just about having nice teeth but also having their heart and soul shine in their laughter and smile. No fakeness to it at all. I'm neither a "boob man" nor an "ass man". This is not to say I want a flat-chested, flat-assed woman. I'm a fan of shapely women. Nice hips and curves are extremely sexy to me. =)
I like women with a great sense of humor. Sarcasm is always welcome. The ability to laugh at yourself is critical. Also, my 'one' need to be able to dish it out a little. She is someone who will keep me on my toes. I'm a smart man (toot toot) and need a woman who is on my level and can keep up with me when I drop the occasional one-liner. If I have to explain myself it kills the whole purpose of the joke, innuendo, or statement.
I want a woman who isn't afraid to speak her mind no matter how mundane or intimate a subject is. My 'one' is an affectionate woman who won't keep me guessing how she feels about me, our relationship, or anything else important to her (or us). One other facet of 'the one' deals with our sexual desires and needs. I won't discuss this aspect of my 'one' on this blog. But if you're wondering, I know what I would like and dislike from my 'one' when it comes to sex/sexuality/sensuality/etc.
This, by no means, is the entire list. These are the characteristics that have come to my mind while writing this blog entry. But, to me (as I'm sure it is for most people), the list is quite exhaustive and ranges from the minimal traits to characteristics that are "deal-breakers" for certain people. I believe the best we can all hope for is someone who matches the majority of the characteristics we hope to find in "the one".
There is one other issue with idea of 'the one'. The truth of the matter is that there is no ACTUAL "one". 'The one' is constantly evolving as we grow older (and wiser?). Our needs, expectations, and likes/dislikes change with time and 'the one' changes with us. The people we meet, the events in our lives, and other social factors constantly influence us and causes us to re-evaluate what we value in our lives. It's very difficult to find a person who will change along with us in the way that we would like. To expect someone to change in every little way to meet our selfish desires is one of the major causes of break-ups among many of my friends.
I consider 'the one' to be more like 'the one right now'. We can't anticipate what will change within us. And that's part of the beauty of life and living. We don't know what tomorrow will bring. The best we can hope for is someone who is understanding enough to accept us for who we are and that he/she is someone that we can do the same for.
Thanks for listening. What's your take on this?
Look forward to hearing from you.
Until next time, faithful reader......
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
My Fall Semester and Other Quick Hits
Fall is here and my second semester at Queens College has officially begun. My first impressions of the classes are mixed. They all seem interested in the material thus far, which is nice to see. Also, I was better at my opening day speech this semester because I was able to scare away about 5 students from my 2 classes. Nevertheless, I still have nearly a full course load since I approved 4 over-tallies (2 extra students per class).
My Monday/Wednesday class is similar to my 2 classes from last semester. They seem to take good notes and manage to keep up with a quicker pace (which I prefer since the class doesn't drag). The Tuesday/Thursday class asks lots of questions (not necessarily a bad thing when it happens occasionally). I need to offer a thorough explanation to repeat the answer in an alternate way so that they can understand the material better. The side effect of this is that I can see that I'm losing the attention of the students who 'get it' and then feel the class is dragging along.
I don't mind the questions since they're valid questions but every time we meet I get asked a lot of questions which then takes time from other things we need to go over. On a personal note, another consequence of this is that they keep me in the classroom until 9:20pm (the scheduled end time of the class)!! This is a bad for me but more so for them because the last hour of the class time needs to be dedicated to doing lab work (using SPSS, a program we have for statistical analysis). I have the Sociology department's computer lab reserved for my classes. What I tend to do is dismiss my classes after the lecture is completed and then hang around for the students who want to work in the department's computer lab. The more time we take in class, the less lab time they have (or the later they stay in school since this keeps them from having an early night).
We'll see how things shake out. First exam is tonight and tomorrow. =)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Disclaimer: Between classes (and grading of the first exam this week) along with finding my own place (among other things), I may end up having less time to dedicate to RaUM in the upcoming week or so. I'll do my best to write a short entry before another full week passes.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I'd like to offer birthday shout-outs to the Virgos in my life. My fellow earth signs are people I have gotten along with very well for most of my life. Had some fun with some Virgos this past weekend. For the record, I am STILL upset that my sister, also a Virgo, didn't tell me if she had anything going on for her b-day. I may have to tell her to her face since it's not as if she reads my blog anyway. I actually have no idea if she did anything or not. Maybe I should call her...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I feel sad for my best friend Jorge and his wife who had to give up their 3 kitties after their 21-month old daughter started having very bad allergic reactions to them. I know losing a pet is always hard whether it's because they die, are lost (and never found again) or given away for sudden (yet valid) reasons. However, given his daughter's reaction to them, the choice was clear. I know that given enough time, they'll learn to live without them. I just hope that day comes sooner than later.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I'm working on a RaUM entry (about Spanglish and my feelings about it) and hope to have it posted some time this weekend. I also hope it won't take me more than a week to finish it up.
Until next time, faithful reader......
My Monday/Wednesday class is similar to my 2 classes from last semester. They seem to take good notes and manage to keep up with a quicker pace (which I prefer since the class doesn't drag). The Tuesday/Thursday class asks lots of questions (not necessarily a bad thing when it happens occasionally). I need to offer a thorough explanation to repeat the answer in an alternate way so that they can understand the material better. The side effect of this is that I can see that I'm losing the attention of the students who 'get it' and then feel the class is dragging along.
I don't mind the questions since they're valid questions but every time we meet I get asked a lot of questions which then takes time from other things we need to go over. On a personal note, another consequence of this is that they keep me in the classroom until 9:20pm (the scheduled end time of the class)!! This is a bad for me but more so for them because the last hour of the class time needs to be dedicated to doing lab work (using SPSS, a program we have for statistical analysis). I have the Sociology department's computer lab reserved for my classes. What I tend to do is dismiss my classes after the lecture is completed and then hang around for the students who want to work in the department's computer lab. The more time we take in class, the less lab time they have (or the later they stay in school since this keeps them from having an early night).
We'll see how things shake out. First exam is tonight and tomorrow. =)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Disclaimer: Between classes (and grading of the first exam this week) along with finding my own place (among other things), I may end up having less time to dedicate to RaUM in the upcoming week or so. I'll do my best to write a short entry before another full week passes.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I'd like to offer birthday shout-outs to the Virgos in my life. My fellow earth signs are people I have gotten along with very well for most of my life. Had some fun with some Virgos this past weekend. For the record, I am STILL upset that my sister, also a Virgo, didn't tell me if she had anything going on for her b-day. I may have to tell her to her face since it's not as if she reads my blog anyway. I actually have no idea if she did anything or not. Maybe I should call her...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I feel sad for my best friend Jorge and his wife who had to give up their 3 kitties after their 21-month old daughter started having very bad allergic reactions to them. I know losing a pet is always hard whether it's because they die, are lost (and never found again) or given away for sudden (yet valid) reasons. However, given his daughter's reaction to them, the choice was clear. I know that given enough time, they'll learn to live without them. I just hope that day comes sooner than later.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I'm working on a RaUM entry (about Spanglish and my feelings about it) and hope to have it posted some time this weekend. I also hope it won't take me more than a week to finish it up.
Until next time, faithful reader......
Wednesday, September 9, 2009
Catching Up (or Updates for my Diehard RaUM-ers)
I'd like to apologize for the lack of posts over the past few weeks. (Damn... has it really been almost three weeks!?!?)
There's been a lot going on in my life lately. I haven't as much time to dedicate to writing a blog entry as I would like. Some of the highlights of the recent weeks: starting up my new MMA-only blog (very exciting but still a work in progress), multiple trips to the beach (very relaxing), hanging out with old friends (reconnecting), my mom moving in with my sister (freedom), my other roommate moving out soon (more freedom), the start of the Fall semester (lots of prep work... remember I teach), chaos at work in Brooklyn (supervisor got fired, lots of instability).
I'd like to thank those of you who have commented on my previous posts. I read every comment (it's not as if there are THAT many) and I truly appreciate your feedback. One recent comment was thought provoking and something that I may post about in the near future. It was a comment to my HIMYM post: "I think a good follow up to this blog would be detailing what 'the one' would be for you. What are you hoping to find someday?"
This is a question that has come up quite a bit recently so it is something that should be fairly easy to write about. The issues with responding to this are the same issues I have with all my posts: How much do I divulge? How much am I willing to share? Is opening up too much a good thing or a bad thing? etc etc etc... And specifically for this Q: Is it even something I really know the answer to?
We'll see how things go. I like the RaUM posts to almost write themselves. Essentially, I try my best to let them flow out of me via my fingertips on the keys. There will be plenty to write about and I hope to have more time to get back to weekly posts (if not more frequently than that).
I'll leave you with one last thought. It relates to something that has been happening to me a lot over the past few months. I've been having more vivid recollection of my dreams, almost daily. I've also been experiencing a lot more deja vu moments. It's not simply the awareness that I've 'done this before' but with more sensory recall: emotions, situation, touches, smells, and the overall sensation of the moment. I read somewhere that before we are born our spirit (soul, divine essence, whatever you choose to call it) knows our life path and what we will experience in our lifetime before we are born. Deja vu moments are simply your mind recalling flashes of the life you're supposed to live (nothing 'simple' about it). This is not to say that we cannot deviate from our life path. It is a map, if you will, for the life we're designed to live. Whether it is to progress in the reincarnation process or to know our purpose in our one life on Earth, I am a firm believer that deja vu moments are like signs on a highway. If we see these signs regularly, then we know (I know) that we (I) am following my life path and fulfilling my purpose in this lifetime.
The fact that I've had so many of these deja vu moments in such a short span of time is no longer 'scary' or 'creepy'. Now they bring me joy. I know I'm living the life I'm supposed to live, for better or worse. I am fulfilling my life's purpose, for better or worse. It's not for me to say whether my life is good or bad. I still have the freedom to choose to strive for more or maintain the status quo. There is one thing I'm sure of. I can take solace in the knowledge that what I've been doing over the last year or so is what I was meant to do.
Even the tremendous amount of dream recall has been surprising. Thankfully, it hasn't been a reflection of negativity or doubt (a major theme in many of my dreams during the first half of this year). I don't buy into the oneiromantic logic of dreams forecasting the future but I do think it is a reflection of what a person is feeling at the time the dreams occur.
Maybe I'll blog about those dreams too. =)
We'll see where my mind will be over the next few weeks. Thanks to you all for staying on board and reading my blog after nearly a full year.
Until next time, faithful reader......
There's been a lot going on in my life lately. I haven't as much time to dedicate to writing a blog entry as I would like. Some of the highlights of the recent weeks: starting up my new MMA-only blog (very exciting but still a work in progress), multiple trips to the beach (very relaxing), hanging out with old friends (reconnecting), my mom moving in with my sister (freedom), my other roommate moving out soon (more freedom), the start of the Fall semester (lots of prep work... remember I teach), chaos at work in Brooklyn (supervisor got fired, lots of instability).
I'd like to thank those of you who have commented on my previous posts. I read every comment (it's not as if there are THAT many) and I truly appreciate your feedback. One recent comment was thought provoking and something that I may post about in the near future. It was a comment to my HIMYM post: "I think a good follow up to this blog would be detailing what 'the one' would be for you. What are you hoping to find someday?"
This is a question that has come up quite a bit recently so it is something that should be fairly easy to write about. The issues with responding to this are the same issues I have with all my posts: How much do I divulge? How much am I willing to share? Is opening up too much a good thing or a bad thing? etc etc etc... And specifically for this Q: Is it even something I really know the answer to?
We'll see how things go. I like the RaUM posts to almost write themselves. Essentially, I try my best to let them flow out of me via my fingertips on the keys. There will be plenty to write about and I hope to have more time to get back to weekly posts (if not more frequently than that).
I'll leave you with one last thought. It relates to something that has been happening to me a lot over the past few months. I've been having more vivid recollection of my dreams, almost daily. I've also been experiencing a lot more deja vu moments. It's not simply the awareness that I've 'done this before' but with more sensory recall: emotions, situation, touches, smells, and the overall sensation of the moment. I read somewhere that before we are born our spirit (soul, divine essence, whatever you choose to call it) knows our life path and what we will experience in our lifetime before we are born. Deja vu moments are simply your mind recalling flashes of the life you're supposed to live (nothing 'simple' about it). This is not to say that we cannot deviate from our life path. It is a map, if you will, for the life we're designed to live. Whether it is to progress in the reincarnation process or to know our purpose in our one life on Earth, I am a firm believer that deja vu moments are like signs on a highway. If we see these signs regularly, then we know (I know) that we (I) am following my life path and fulfilling my purpose in this lifetime.
The fact that I've had so many of these deja vu moments in such a short span of time is no longer 'scary' or 'creepy'. Now they bring me joy. I know I'm living the life I'm supposed to live, for better or worse. I am fulfilling my life's purpose, for better or worse. It's not for me to say whether my life is good or bad. I still have the freedom to choose to strive for more or maintain the status quo. There is one thing I'm sure of. I can take solace in the knowledge that what I've been doing over the last year or so is what I was meant to do.
Even the tremendous amount of dream recall has been surprising. Thankfully, it hasn't been a reflection of negativity or doubt (a major theme in many of my dreams during the first half of this year). I don't buy into the oneiromantic logic of dreams forecasting the future but I do think it is a reflection of what a person is feeling at the time the dreams occur.
Maybe I'll blog about those dreams too. =)
We'll see where my mind will be over the next few weeks. Thanks to you all for staying on board and reading my blog after nearly a full year.
Until next time, faithful reader......
Friday, August 21, 2009
Redundancy (or I've Had Enough of This Nonsense)
Welcome to your weekend dose of RaUM goodness. The focus of this entry is something that has been on my mind for some time and, as usual, it is a topic I wanted to share it with you. Any opinions and/or feedback would be appreciated. Maybe you have a better take on it than I do.
One thing that I truly hate about our fast-paced, instant-gratification society is the need to abbreviate everything. Usually I don't mind it and in certain forums I'd prefer it (online chats, tweets, etc). Admittedly, there is some intrinsic value to shortening phrases, words, etc. More importantly, however, is the overwhelming need for abbreviating certain things for the sake of conveying messages quickly to the ever-shortening attention spans of Americans.
I accept that we live in a world of soundbites. What truly bothers me is how people blindly use abbreviations in conjunction with a word that is included in the abbreviation. To illustrate my point, here are the three best examples:
1-BMI index (Body Mass Index index)
2-PIN number (Personal Identification Number number)
3-ATM machine (Automatic Teller Machine machine)
It is the epitome of redundancy and only shows how stupid most people are for not noticing. I'd be willing to be less harsh and say people are simply victims of clever catch phrases and tag-lines. Yet when I point out the fallacy of their use of the redundancy, they simply dismiss me as if I was pestering them - like a mosquito buzzing by their ear - or they roll their eyes and tell me to stop being so analytical.
I think accepting these 'little' (and increasingly common) mistakes in the modern English language is the first step in the de-evolution of American society (have you folks seen the movie Idiocracy?).
[pause]
Let me rethink that a bit... Maybe it's not THAT terrible but it does irk me quite a bit. It's not the fact that these poorly constructed abbreviations exists but, rather, how easily we accept them into our lexicon without thinking twice about what they mean.
I'll leave you with this thought: What else are we missing out on in our lives because we accept things at face value without taking a closer look?
Until next time, faithful reader......
One thing that I truly hate about our fast-paced, instant-gratification society is the need to abbreviate everything. Usually I don't mind it and in certain forums I'd prefer it (online chats, tweets, etc). Admittedly, there is some intrinsic value to shortening phrases, words, etc. More importantly, however, is the overwhelming need for abbreviating certain things for the sake of conveying messages quickly to the ever-shortening attention spans of Americans.
I accept that we live in a world of soundbites. What truly bothers me is how people blindly use abbreviations in conjunction with a word that is included in the abbreviation. To illustrate my point, here are the three best examples:
1-BMI index (Body Mass Index index)
2-PIN number (Personal Identification Number number)
3-ATM machine (Automatic Teller Machine machine)
It is the epitome of redundancy and only shows how stupid most people are for not noticing. I'd be willing to be less harsh and say people are simply victims of clever catch phrases and tag-lines. Yet when I point out the fallacy of their use of the redundancy, they simply dismiss me as if I was pestering them - like a mosquito buzzing by their ear - or they roll their eyes and tell me to stop being so analytical.
I think accepting these 'little' (and increasingly common) mistakes in the modern English language is the first step in the de-evolution of American society (have you folks seen the movie Idiocracy?).
[pause]
Let me rethink that a bit... Maybe it's not THAT terrible but it does irk me quite a bit. It's not the fact that these poorly constructed abbreviations exists but, rather, how easily we accept them into our lexicon without thinking twice about what they mean.
I'll leave you with this thought: What else are we missing out on in our lives because we accept things at face value without taking a closer look?
Until next time, faithful reader......
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
Who Am I and What Have I Done With Alan?
Hi there,
I'm smiling on the inside. It's not just a smirk or a grin but a full on ear-to-ear, Cheshire cat smile. I still can't quite put my finger on it. It's as if I'm enveloped in an amorphous cloud of positivity and it's merely a harbinger of more great things yet to come for me. My life is moving in a positive direction and I feel more liberated from my former self. My attitude adjustment from the start of the year has been bearing fruit all year and things have only gotten better for me.
I suspect some of my friends on Facebook are sick of seeing the status updates with quotes and affirmations, etc. It's a reflection of who I am now... and I won't change it for anything. I love my life right now. Even though it is far from perfect, it's progressing in ways that I previously had not imagined. There are things that can still be tweaked, modified, improved upon, or just scrapped altogether about me and my life. All things considered, things are going fantastically and I cannot be happier with where I'm at right now. It took a long time for me to reach this point in my life. Being healthier in mind, body, and soul than I've ever been in my life is so liberating. And yet I know I still have not yet reached my goal. The journey has been a long and slow one until now. I feel like I've moved into the passing lane and am speeding ahead to my destination - not the "ultimate destination" (a.k.a. death) but one of self-fulfillment.
Part of the transformation includes having others notice the positive changes I have made. The compliments I've received over the past week or so have done wonders for my self-esteem and my ego. But it's also made me realize the importance of passing it forward to others and that is where I need to make my next change. I have to learn to offer the same compliments to others. I don't mean simple lip-service to make others feel good but sharing genuine feedback, appreciation, and love for others.
There are times that I feel there aren't enough hours in the day to do everything that I need or want to do but it's all good. There have been no wasted moments. There are still a few things I want to knock off the old to-do-list before the year is up and I'll be sure to share those moments with you all when the time comes. Until then I'll leave you with a few quotes that have moved me lately:
= "It's lack of faith that makes people afraid of meeting challenges, and I believed in myself." ~ Muhammad Ali
= “Watch your thoughts; they become words. Watch your words; they become actions. Watch your actions; they become habits. Watch your habits; they become character. Watch your character; it becomes your destiny.” —Lao-Tze
= Dimidium facti qui coepit havet: sapere aude (He who has begun is half done: dare to know)
= Each day brings it's own miracles and disappointments. You just need the proper filters to see the good that's around you. =) (via @agsilver51 on twitter)
= If you are scared of failure, you will never succeed. (via @digitalspit on Twitter)
= Quotes are just quotes. When u apply it to ur life, then its wisdom. (via @iconic88 on Twitter)
Until next time, faithful reader......
I'm smiling on the inside. It's not just a smirk or a grin but a full on ear-to-ear, Cheshire cat smile. I still can't quite put my finger on it. It's as if I'm enveloped in an amorphous cloud of positivity and it's merely a harbinger of more great things yet to come for me. My life is moving in a positive direction and I feel more liberated from my former self. My attitude adjustment from the start of the year has been bearing fruit all year and things have only gotten better for me.
I suspect some of my friends on Facebook are sick of seeing the status updates with quotes and affirmations, etc. It's a reflection of who I am now... and I won't change it for anything. I love my life right now. Even though it is far from perfect, it's progressing in ways that I previously had not imagined. There are things that can still be tweaked, modified, improved upon, or just scrapped altogether about me and my life. All things considered, things are going fantastically and I cannot be happier with where I'm at right now. It took a long time for me to reach this point in my life. Being healthier in mind, body, and soul than I've ever been in my life is so liberating. And yet I know I still have not yet reached my goal. The journey has been a long and slow one until now. I feel like I've moved into the passing lane and am speeding ahead to my destination - not the "ultimate destination" (a.k.a. death) but one of self-fulfillment.
Part of the transformation includes having others notice the positive changes I have made. The compliments I've received over the past week or so have done wonders for my self-esteem and my ego. But it's also made me realize the importance of passing it forward to others and that is where I need to make my next change. I have to learn to offer the same compliments to others. I don't mean simple lip-service to make others feel good but sharing genuine feedback, appreciation, and love for others.
There are times that I feel there aren't enough hours in the day to do everything that I need or want to do but it's all good. There have been no wasted moments. There are still a few things I want to knock off the old to-do-list before the year is up and I'll be sure to share those moments with you all when the time comes. Until then I'll leave you with a few quotes that have moved me lately:
= "It's lack of faith that makes people afraid of meeting challenges, and I believed in myself." ~ Muhammad Ali
= “Watch your thoughts; they become words. Watch your words; they become actions. Watch your actions; they become habits. Watch your habits; they become character. Watch your character; it becomes your destiny.” —Lao-Tze
= Dimidium facti qui coepit havet: sapere aude (He who has begun is half done: dare to know)
= Each day brings it's own miracles and disappointments. You just need the proper filters to see the good that's around you. =) (via @agsilver51 on twitter)
= If you are scared of failure, you will never succeed. (via @digitalspit on Twitter)
= Quotes are just quotes. When u apply it to ur life, then its wisdom. (via @iconic88 on Twitter)
Until next time, faithful reader......
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
The Glory Days of My Childhood (Part 2)
For Part 1 of the story click here.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The details of the second game of the tournament are lost to me. The only thing I remember is all the shit talking that took place prior to the game. All the talk centered around how it would be 8-4 vs 8-5 in the finals, an honors class final.
It turns out that 8-4 lost their semifinal game so there would only be one honors class in the finals, either 8-5 or 8-3. The only detail that I recall was the outcome of our semifinal game. My class won the game. I vaguely recall it being a close game. 8-5 had their chances but they threw too many deep balls and executed poorly when it mattered most.
Now my class, 8-3, was in the finals. We were the least likely of all the honors classes to make it. You could go so far as to call us the Cinderella story of this tournament. We even had guys from other honors classes asking if they can be ringers on our team. Clearly, we made it this far without them and I wasn't about to go into the finals with a new team full of egos. We were going to win or lose on our own!
It was the morning of the final game. It was also the last day of classes before the winter break. I woke up and it seemed like any other school morning: I was slow to get up. I kept asking my mom to come back in 5 minutes so I can squeeze in a little extra sleep. I finally decided to get up, not because of any sense of responsibility: I had to pee pretty badly. I swung my legs out of bed and tried to stand up. I had a tremendous shooting pain throughout both my feet and part of the way up my shin. I couldn't walk.
I would have asked for help from my mom but I didn't hear her nearby. We lived in a duplex apartment and I suspect she was upstairs, though I don't actually know where she was at the time. I figured the pain would pass the same way the pins-and-needles sensation goes away when your leg falls asleep. I dragged myself across the floor and down the hall to the bathroom commando-style, forearm over forearm. I slowly propped my body to an upright position first using the knob on the bathroom door, then the sink, and finally with the towel rack on the wall. I was doing some strange form of dips using the sink and towel rack to hold my body up while I pivoted to try and sit on the toilet to relieve myself. I was not only humiliated for having to go to such extremes to get to the bathroom but I was also really scared. When I finished, I called out for my mom and I remember feeling like it took her forever to come over to the bathroom. I didn't have the will to drag myself back to bed.
She came over and helped me back to my bedroom. It was clear I wouldn't make it to school that day. Normally, I wouldn't care about missing a day of school, especially when it meant an extended vacation, but this time it was different. I felt like I was letting my guys down. At the same time, I was concerned about what was afflicting me. My father, who woke up hours after my sister and I left for school, was surprised to see me in the house that morning. He tried soothing my feet by soaking them in a warm Epsom salt bath. It didn't help but at least he tried something (one of the few things I give him credit for in our life together).
My only course of action now was to go see the doctor. By the time I went to see the doctor, my feet felt better and I no longer had any pain. I was able to put my weight on my feet once again ans walk normally. Whether this was due to the bed rest or some other stroke of luck is unknown but we took no chances. My mother called a cab for us to go to the doctor's office.
I was embarrassed to be in the doctor's office explaining to him the pain I felt in the morning only to have him question my ability to walk into his office unassisted. It turns out he had a strong hunch as to what was wrong with me and insisted I see a cardiologist as soon as possible. He scheduled an appointment for me with one of his colleagues (and friend) a day or two later.
I was out of the doctor's office and home by 3 o'clock. I was feeling better and I was only a short walk away from school. If I left the house around 3PM, I knew I could make it in time. I seriously considered going to school to play in that final game. In the end, I decided against it. It was partly due the fear of the pain returning while I was on the schoolyard. I also didn't want to explain to my math teacher why I wasn't in school for class but was there for the game. To this day, Mr. Kralick is my all time favorite teacher and he was also the referee for the football games. He was an intimidating SOB and I honestly didn't want to deal with him after the morning I had. All I could do was hope that my guys did well.
After seeing the cardiologist, I was diagnosed with rheumatic fever (if you want more info, click here). My doctor told me that had I waited a few more days I could have had severe damage to my heart. Had I waited a few more days, I could have died from this. It's hard for me to put myself in that position again. As a 13 year old, it was almost impossible to imagine what dying truly meant. I knew enough to know it was serious but every time I think back on that diagnosis it chills me to the bone. I could have died! All my experiences since then would be unknown to me. The people whose paths I've crossed would have been altered forever, for better or worse.
Consider what you are doing at this very moment. This would never be happening since there would be no RaUM, no Alan, and I suspect neither one of us can imagine what our lives would be like had I not gone to the doctor, had I gone to play that last game, had things been different on that fateful December morning.
Fast forward to my return to school in January. It was a new year, I had been treated for the pain and was taking daily doses of penicillin. I'd be required to get a shot of penicillin every month of my life until I turned 18. It was preventive treatment to stop any recurrence of the disease. I don't recall ever catching a cold or being sick in any way shape or form from that moment until I became an adult. It was awesome!!
I had no idea what happened in the final game of the football tournament. I was eager to find out how it went. When I walked into homeroom at the start of the day, I was greeted by several of my classmates. They then immediately started peppering me with questions. Where was I that last day of class before the break? How could I abandon them? Why did I leave them on their own? What was so important that I missed the ONE GAME that mattered? I didn't quite understand why I was forced to answer all these questions until someone finally told me what happened in the game I missed. We got massacred. Destroyed. Humiliated. Outclassed. Run over. You're welcome to continue inserting relevant adjectives here.
They were venting their frustration at losing and blaming the loss on my absence. I must admit I was flattered, a bit upset they were saying it was my fault, but it definitely made me feel good since they felt I was important enough to be considered the primary reason we lost. Never mind the fact that we weren't even the best team in the tournament. I often think back to that time of my life and wonder what would have happened had I played in that game. I'll never know. But it's nice to imagine us finishing what we started and become the 8th grade football champs that year.
Once I explained to my classmates why I missed class that day they all fell silent and started apologizing for blaming me. After a few minutes, all the talk of the game and my illness was forgotten and we moved on. But for me, the memory lingers. Occasionally it creeps back into my consciousness and brings a smile to my face.
We played our hearts out and, whatever my influence may have been in our two wins, we won as a team. More importantly, I'm now in good health and I'm alive to tell the tale. I don't mean to over-dramatize that point but I have always been one who has taken my health for granted. That experience I had in the 8th grade always humbles me and reminds me how lucky I am to be where I am now.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
For years, this was one of my favorite stories to tell. This was my "Al Bundy" football story. I hadn't told it in years and I don't even know why it came back into my consciousness recently. Hope you liked it.
And for those of you who are wondering... YES! It really did happen to me. =)
Until next time, faithful reader......
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The details of the second game of the tournament are lost to me. The only thing I remember is all the shit talking that took place prior to the game. All the talk centered around how it would be 8-4 vs 8-5 in the finals, an honors class final.
It turns out that 8-4 lost their semifinal game so there would only be one honors class in the finals, either 8-5 or 8-3. The only detail that I recall was the outcome of our semifinal game. My class won the game. I vaguely recall it being a close game. 8-5 had their chances but they threw too many deep balls and executed poorly when it mattered most.
Now my class, 8-3, was in the finals. We were the least likely of all the honors classes to make it. You could go so far as to call us the Cinderella story of this tournament. We even had guys from other honors classes asking if they can be ringers on our team. Clearly, we made it this far without them and I wasn't about to go into the finals with a new team full of egos. We were going to win or lose on our own!
It was the morning of the final game. It was also the last day of classes before the winter break. I woke up and it seemed like any other school morning: I was slow to get up. I kept asking my mom to come back in 5 minutes so I can squeeze in a little extra sleep. I finally decided to get up, not because of any sense of responsibility: I had to pee pretty badly. I swung my legs out of bed and tried to stand up. I had a tremendous shooting pain throughout both my feet and part of the way up my shin. I couldn't walk.
I would have asked for help from my mom but I didn't hear her nearby. We lived in a duplex apartment and I suspect she was upstairs, though I don't actually know where she was at the time. I figured the pain would pass the same way the pins-and-needles sensation goes away when your leg falls asleep. I dragged myself across the floor and down the hall to the bathroom commando-style, forearm over forearm. I slowly propped my body to an upright position first using the knob on the bathroom door, then the sink, and finally with the towel rack on the wall. I was doing some strange form of dips using the sink and towel rack to hold my body up while I pivoted to try and sit on the toilet to relieve myself. I was not only humiliated for having to go to such extremes to get to the bathroom but I was also really scared. When I finished, I called out for my mom and I remember feeling like it took her forever to come over to the bathroom. I didn't have the will to drag myself back to bed.
She came over and helped me back to my bedroom. It was clear I wouldn't make it to school that day. Normally, I wouldn't care about missing a day of school, especially when it meant an extended vacation, but this time it was different. I felt like I was letting my guys down. At the same time, I was concerned about what was afflicting me. My father, who woke up hours after my sister and I left for school, was surprised to see me in the house that morning. He tried soothing my feet by soaking them in a warm Epsom salt bath. It didn't help but at least he tried something (one of the few things I give him credit for in our life together).
My only course of action now was to go see the doctor. By the time I went to see the doctor, my feet felt better and I no longer had any pain. I was able to put my weight on my feet once again ans walk normally. Whether this was due to the bed rest or some other stroke of luck is unknown but we took no chances. My mother called a cab for us to go to the doctor's office.
I was embarrassed to be in the doctor's office explaining to him the pain I felt in the morning only to have him question my ability to walk into his office unassisted. It turns out he had a strong hunch as to what was wrong with me and insisted I see a cardiologist as soon as possible. He scheduled an appointment for me with one of his colleagues (and friend) a day or two later.
I was out of the doctor's office and home by 3 o'clock. I was feeling better and I was only a short walk away from school. If I left the house around 3PM, I knew I could make it in time. I seriously considered going to school to play in that final game. In the end, I decided against it. It was partly due the fear of the pain returning while I was on the schoolyard. I also didn't want to explain to my math teacher why I wasn't in school for class but was there for the game. To this day, Mr. Kralick is my all time favorite teacher and he was also the referee for the football games. He was an intimidating SOB and I honestly didn't want to deal with him after the morning I had. All I could do was hope that my guys did well.
After seeing the cardiologist, I was diagnosed with rheumatic fever (if you want more info, click here). My doctor told me that had I waited a few more days I could have had severe damage to my heart. Had I waited a few more days, I could have died from this. It's hard for me to put myself in that position again. As a 13 year old, it was almost impossible to imagine what dying truly meant. I knew enough to know it was serious but every time I think back on that diagnosis it chills me to the bone. I could have died! All my experiences since then would be unknown to me. The people whose paths I've crossed would have been altered forever, for better or worse.
Consider what you are doing at this very moment. This would never be happening since there would be no RaUM, no Alan, and I suspect neither one of us can imagine what our lives would be like had I not gone to the doctor, had I gone to play that last game, had things been different on that fateful December morning.
Fast forward to my return to school in January. It was a new year, I had been treated for the pain and was taking daily doses of penicillin. I'd be required to get a shot of penicillin every month of my life until I turned 18. It was preventive treatment to stop any recurrence of the disease. I don't recall ever catching a cold or being sick in any way shape or form from that moment until I became an adult. It was awesome!!
I had no idea what happened in the final game of the football tournament. I was eager to find out how it went. When I walked into homeroom at the start of the day, I was greeted by several of my classmates. They then immediately started peppering me with questions. Where was I that last day of class before the break? How could I abandon them? Why did I leave them on their own? What was so important that I missed the ONE GAME that mattered? I didn't quite understand why I was forced to answer all these questions until someone finally told me what happened in the game I missed. We got massacred. Destroyed. Humiliated. Outclassed. Run over. You're welcome to continue inserting relevant adjectives here.
They were venting their frustration at losing and blaming the loss on my absence. I must admit I was flattered, a bit upset they were saying it was my fault, but it definitely made me feel good since they felt I was important enough to be considered the primary reason we lost. Never mind the fact that we weren't even the best team in the tournament. I often think back to that time of my life and wonder what would have happened had I played in that game. I'll never know. But it's nice to imagine us finishing what we started and become the 8th grade football champs that year.
Once I explained to my classmates why I missed class that day they all fell silent and started apologizing for blaming me. After a few minutes, all the talk of the game and my illness was forgotten and we moved on. But for me, the memory lingers. Occasionally it creeps back into my consciousness and brings a smile to my face.
We played our hearts out and, whatever my influence may have been in our two wins, we won as a team. More importantly, I'm now in good health and I'm alive to tell the tale. I don't mean to over-dramatize that point but I have always been one who has taken my health for granted. That experience I had in the 8th grade always humbles me and reminds me how lucky I am to be where I am now.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
For years, this was one of my favorite stories to tell. This was my "Al Bundy" football story. I hadn't told it in years and I don't even know why it came back into my consciousness recently. Hope you liked it.
And for those of you who are wondering... YES! It really did happen to me. =)
Until next time, faithful reader......
Sunday, August 2, 2009
The Glory Days of My Childhood (Part 1)
It was December in the middle of the 8th grade. The snow hadn't fallen yet that winter but it was beginning to get cold enough for it to happen soon. In my Junior High School, there was an intramural football tournament scheduled between several 8th grade classes. The tournament was to last 3 weeks and would be completed before the winter break.
I was in one of the four honors classes at my school in the 8th grade. Needless to say, none of the honors classes were given a chance to win because we were the "nerds" - despite having several athletic guys in our four classes. Of all the honors classes, my class (8-3) had the worst chance of all. You see, each honors class had it's own concentration, a specialty if you will. One class (8-4) was the band class, 8-6 was the art class, and there was the computer class (8-5). My class was the chorus class. Not only did we have the fewest numbers of boys out of all the classes in the 8th grade but we were also seen as inferior due to our status as choir boys. The only honors class not to participate in the tournament was 8-6.
When we put our team together, made up of practically every guy in the class - not all were athletic - I became the de facto leader of the team. My goal was to make sure we didn't get overly embarrassed in our first game and that we had fun playing in, what most expected to be, our one and only game. Yes. I admit I thought we were going to lose, as well. There were 7 others teams/classes in the tournament that we would have a tough time beating even on our best day.
In our first game we faced a solid opponent in 8-17. There were a lot of tall guys in that class and we clearly had our work cut out for us. If things looked bad for us before the tourney, things looked even bleaker when you sized us up in that first match-up. It was probably the worst possible match-up for us. Compared to 8-17, we were under-sized and a bit slower overall.
They got an early lead on us and my focus as the "coach" was to make sure everyone got to play (since we were unlikely to play again). I even took myself off the field to allow my classmates to get in the action. As I managed the game from the sidelines I started noticing two things about our opponents: (1) they were extremely cocky, especially after getting the early lead and (2) on defense, they only focused on our best players. I called in a few basic plays from the sidelines telling our QB to drop short passes to the "scrubs" (though I'm pretty sure I didn't call them that to their faces). The strategy paid off. We started moving the ball down the field very easily on 8-17 and even scored our first touchdown.
This is where their cockiness came into play. They began throwing bombs to the endzone on every play to quickly regain their lead. Our defense managed to keep them from scoring. In their frustration, they started getting upset at each other. With every completed pass by our QB, with each touchdown we scored, they became increasingly frustrated. They didn't have the "mental toughness" to stay in the game and play as well as they did in the start. We took advantage of that, mixing up our passing plays: short/long, sidelines/middle of the field, stars/scrubs.
We managed to pull off the upset in our first game against a solid team. We did it by playing smart and making it a complete team effort. When word got out of our win, everyone considered it a fluke. The other two honors classes won their match-ups so no one considered 8-3 a threat. If anything, it would be an easy win for our next opponent in the semi-finals: the most athletically talented honors class, 8-5.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
What happened to 8-3 in the semis? Will the boys in 8-3 overcome another difficult match-up? What befell our blogging hero that changed the tournament (and his life) forever?
Stay tuned for part 2 of this true story.
Until next time, faithful reader......
I was in one of the four honors classes at my school in the 8th grade. Needless to say, none of the honors classes were given a chance to win because we were the "nerds" - despite having several athletic guys in our four classes. Of all the honors classes, my class (8-3) had the worst chance of all. You see, each honors class had it's own concentration, a specialty if you will. One class (8-4) was the band class, 8-6 was the art class, and there was the computer class (8-5). My class was the chorus class. Not only did we have the fewest numbers of boys out of all the classes in the 8th grade but we were also seen as inferior due to our status as choir boys. The only honors class not to participate in the tournament was 8-6.
When we put our team together, made up of practically every guy in the class - not all were athletic - I became the de facto leader of the team. My goal was to make sure we didn't get overly embarrassed in our first game and that we had fun playing in, what most expected to be, our one and only game. Yes. I admit I thought we were going to lose, as well. There were 7 others teams/classes in the tournament that we would have a tough time beating even on our best day.
In our first game we faced a solid opponent in 8-17. There were a lot of tall guys in that class and we clearly had our work cut out for us. If things looked bad for us before the tourney, things looked even bleaker when you sized us up in that first match-up. It was probably the worst possible match-up for us. Compared to 8-17, we were under-sized and a bit slower overall.
They got an early lead on us and my focus as the "coach" was to make sure everyone got to play (since we were unlikely to play again). I even took myself off the field to allow my classmates to get in the action. As I managed the game from the sidelines I started noticing two things about our opponents: (1) they were extremely cocky, especially after getting the early lead and (2) on defense, they only focused on our best players. I called in a few basic plays from the sidelines telling our QB to drop short passes to the "scrubs" (though I'm pretty sure I didn't call them that to their faces). The strategy paid off. We started moving the ball down the field very easily on 8-17 and even scored our first touchdown.
This is where their cockiness came into play. They began throwing bombs to the endzone on every play to quickly regain their lead. Our defense managed to keep them from scoring. In their frustration, they started getting upset at each other. With every completed pass by our QB, with each touchdown we scored, they became increasingly frustrated. They didn't have the "mental toughness" to stay in the game and play as well as they did in the start. We took advantage of that, mixing up our passing plays: short/long, sidelines/middle of the field, stars/scrubs.
We managed to pull off the upset in our first game against a solid team. We did it by playing smart and making it a complete team effort. When word got out of our win, everyone considered it a fluke. The other two honors classes won their match-ups so no one considered 8-3 a threat. If anything, it would be an easy win for our next opponent in the semi-finals: the most athletically talented honors class, 8-5.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
What happened to 8-3 in the semis? Will the boys in 8-3 overcome another difficult match-up? What befell our blogging hero that changed the tournament (and his life) forever?
Stay tuned for part 2 of this true story.
Until next time, faithful reader......
Friday, July 24, 2009
Apology, Thank You, and Tweets
I suppose this should be directed to those readers who, in all likelihood, are no longer regular visitors to RaUM. Damn. Well here goes:
I've gotten really long-winded in my posts the last few months. I'm gonna try and keep the entries more concise. Sorry for forcing you to read through 1,000+ word entries filled with nonsense and frivolity. I'm not apologizing for the content, just how much of it appears in recent posts. =)
With that said, I'd also like to send out a HUGE 'thank you' to those of you who have stuck around. I appreciate the follows and general readership. I hope I've managed to keep you mildly entertained and offered a worthwhile distraction at work, at home, at the airport (you know who you are!), or anywhere else in the world you may have been.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Here are a selection of tweets I posted via @agsilver51 during July 2009:
1 - It's going to take A LOT to get this smile off of my face!!! =D
(7:12 PM Jul 1st)
[It also served as my Facebook status for that day. No... it wasn't because I got laid. lol. But the month started off on the right foot]
2 - I'm starting to think the American population is getting dumber by the generation! smh. Either that or I must be brilliant! (1:58 PM Jul 2nd)
3 - NBC should be embarrassed showing Roddick-Murray on tape delay rather than broadcasting it live. What an insult! (12:19 PM Jul 3rd )
[I was genuinely incensed when I realized NBC was not showing the Wimbledon's men's final live. What a bad decision!]
4 - The envelope with swabs is in the mail. Feeling good after completing the last step to be a part of the 'Be The Match Registry' (3:40 PM Jul 4th)
[I had to rub the swabs against the inside of my mouth, four times. I can't wait to see if I can actually do some good and help a person out with, what will amount to, a small sacrifice.]
5 - RT @citycynic: At exactly 12:34pm and 56 seconds today, it will be 12:34:56 7/8/09!!! Beat that, math nerds! (bwo @theropolitans) (10:24 AM Jul 8th)
[That was, admittedly, kinda cool!]
6 - Just heard Kings of Leon's "Use Somebody" on Z100. I've got mixed emotions about this. (4:51 PM Jul 11th)
[Even my boy in VA was telling me about this 'new song' he heard. He was shocked to know this song was released months ago on rock stations around the country.]
7 - OK. I know the AL has been dominant in years past but I say P.Fielder wins the #HomeRunDerby tonight #mlb (8:11 PM Jul 13th)
["Experts" said he was too big and would tire before it was over! Needless to say I was quite proud of myself for having called it! =D]
8 - *sigh* Patience is a virtue that I will always have to work on. (4:08 PM Jul 16th)
[Self-explanatory]
9 - Made it to VA after being pulled over b/w Baltimore and DC. Off to bed after Wii Sports for an hour. (6:12 AM Jul 17th)
[I got pulled over for speeding and tailgating but got off with just a warning for tailgating. WHEW!]
10 - I'm starting to believe I'm her "non-gay, 'gay' friend" (3:24 PM Jul 19th)
[Something my best friend told me recently and after talking to the fellas at the reunion, I see what he meant.]
11 - There is no "manly" way to eat a corn dog. There just isn't! (4:22 PM Jul 19th )
[My boy Javon was eating a corn dog and I gave him a hard time every time he took a bite. I can't see how men can eat a corn dog and not have it look "manly".]
12 - Lessons learned through others' experiences: Don't pick your nose around the time your alarm will go off, you may hurt yourself (10:02 PM Jul 20th)
[Words of wisdom from my roommate!]
13 - If I were a cannibal, I'd like to eat myself. I think I'd be rather tasty (1:53 PM Jul 21st)
[When I posted this as my Facebook status I had a lot of comments reacting to it. I stand by this statement. I TRULY think I'd be a tasty treat for a cannibal.]
14 - Sweet! ~~RT @grantimahara I fully endorse any table that has bacon, ninjas, and robots. "The Periodic Table of Awesome" http://bit.ly/8Bsl (8:26 PM Jul 21st)
[Check out element #11 for a LOL or 2]
15 - Teaching stats and playing craps: I may have found my calling in life! #livingthedream (12:59 PM Jul 23rd)
[The two things I happen to love in life, esp. since I have never lost money at a craps table]
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Until next time, faithful reader......
I've gotten really long-winded in my posts the last few months. I'm gonna try and keep the entries more concise. Sorry for forcing you to read through 1,000+ word entries filled with nonsense and frivolity. I'm not apologizing for the content, just how much of it appears in recent posts. =)
With that said, I'd also like to send out a HUGE 'thank you' to those of you who have stuck around. I appreciate the follows and general readership. I hope I've managed to keep you mildly entertained and offered a worthwhile distraction at work, at home, at the airport (you know who you are!), or anywhere else in the world you may have been.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Here are a selection of tweets I posted via @agsilver51 during July 2009:
1 - It's going to take A LOT to get this smile off of my face!!! =D
(7:12 PM Jul 1st)
[It also served as my Facebook status for that day. No... it wasn't because I got laid. lol. But the month started off on the right foot]
2 - I'm starting to think the American population is getting dumber by the generation! smh. Either that or I must be brilliant! (1:58 PM Jul 2nd)
3 - NBC should be embarrassed showing Roddick-Murray on tape delay rather than broadcasting it live. What an insult! (12:19 PM Jul 3rd )
[I was genuinely incensed when I realized NBC was not showing the Wimbledon's men's final live. What a bad decision!]
4 - The envelope with swabs is in the mail. Feeling good after completing the last step to be a part of the 'Be The Match Registry' (3:40 PM Jul 4th)
[I had to rub the swabs against the inside of my mouth, four times. I can't wait to see if I can actually do some good and help a person out with, what will amount to, a small sacrifice.]
5 - RT @citycynic: At exactly 12:34pm and 56 seconds today, it will be 12:34:56 7/8/09!!! Beat that, math nerds! (bwo @theropolitans) (10:24 AM Jul 8th)
[That was, admittedly, kinda cool!]
6 - Just heard Kings of Leon's "Use Somebody" on Z100. I've got mixed emotions about this. (4:51 PM Jul 11th)
[Even my boy in VA was telling me about this 'new song' he heard. He was shocked to know this song was released months ago on rock stations around the country.]
7 - OK. I know the AL has been dominant in years past but I say P.Fielder wins the #HomeRunDerby tonight #mlb (8:11 PM Jul 13th)
["Experts" said he was too big and would tire before it was over! Needless to say I was quite proud of myself for having called it! =D]
8 - *sigh* Patience is a virtue that I will always have to work on. (4:08 PM Jul 16th)
[Self-explanatory]
9 - Made it to VA after being pulled over b/w Baltimore and DC. Off to bed after Wii Sports for an hour. (6:12 AM Jul 17th)
[I got pulled over for speeding and tailgating but got off with just a warning for tailgating. WHEW!]
10 - I'm starting to believe I'm her "non-gay, 'gay' friend" (3:24 PM Jul 19th)
[Something my best friend told me recently and after talking to the fellas at the reunion, I see what he meant.]
11 - There is no "manly" way to eat a corn dog. There just isn't! (4:22 PM Jul 19th )
[My boy Javon was eating a corn dog and I gave him a hard time every time he took a bite. I can't see how men can eat a corn dog and not have it look "manly".]
12 - Lessons learned through others' experiences: Don't pick your nose around the time your alarm will go off, you may hurt yourself (10:02 PM Jul 20th)
[Words of wisdom from my roommate!]
13 - If I were a cannibal, I'd like to eat myself. I think I'd be rather tasty (1:53 PM Jul 21st)
[When I posted this as my Facebook status I had a lot of comments reacting to it. I stand by this statement. I TRULY think I'd be a tasty treat for a cannibal.]
14 - Sweet! ~~RT @grantimahara I fully endorse any table that has bacon, ninjas, and robots. "The Periodic Table of Awesome" http://bit.ly/8Bsl (8:26 PM Jul 21st)
[Check out element #11 for a LOL or 2]
15 - Teaching stats and playing craps: I may have found my calling in life! #livingthedream (12:59 PM Jul 23rd)
[The two things I happen to love in life, esp. since I have never lost money at a craps table]
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Until next time, faithful reader......
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
Reunions and Looking Forward
Greetings,
It occurred to me today that I managed to upload pics from my trip to VA this past weekend to my Facebook profile but I still haven't posted my pics of my cousin Nelson's visit to NY yet!! What's wrong with me... smh. AH YES! I remember what happened now... Problems with the Facebook photo uploader. [Update: I managed to make it work while writing this blog entry. Hooray Beer!]
Speaking of VA, I HAD A BLAST this weekend catching up with old childhood friends in Richmond. This was the first time that all of us have been together under the same roof in almost a decade. We even made time (at the last possible minute, of course) to recreate the photo we took the last time we were together on that cold December night years ago back in T's house. This reunion also included a few new additions to the 'family' (a high school friend of T and Lex, and Lex's girlfriend, Cyn).
The only regret I have from this past weekend (it's a minor one, mind you) is that I missed out on the chance to check out the bar scene in downtown Richmond. I will say, though, that visiting Busch Gardens and spending time with childhood friends was a fair trade-off. On a related note, Busch Gardens was surprisingly fun and was better than Six Flags in NJ, if I do say so myself.
What else do I have planned, you ask? What's next for me?
Well... after talking with the fellas... we're trying set up a week-long cruise in Sept/Oct to the Caribbean. It'll be a chance for all the single guys of the crew to hang out and do our thing. Sorry Lex, though I'm sure you'd rather spend the time with Cyn anyway. =)
A few days ago, I had announced on Twitter that I was considering stopping by Atlantic City to get some money to go on this cruise (without having to tap into any savings) to which a friend responded: "geez vegas, road trips, ac, and a cruise! Lol crazy." I suppose it is... but I'm loving every second of it!!
To add to that "crazy" list of activities, I'm considering going skydiving in late August right before the Fall '09 semester starts. I'd prefer to do this with a friend but I'm willing to do it solo if no one steps up to join me. Anyone down?
I may also get my tattoo once the summer is over. I'll probably do it at the start of the school year (with that first paycheck of the semester). Some of you may have heard me talking about it since the start of the year but when deciding between ink or traveling, sight-seeing won over every time. I am serious about getting it so you can expect it to happen before the year's end.
There are a few things to sort out in my life between now and the end of the year but everything will happen in due time. Maybe I'll write about it next time, who knows.
Nevertheless, I have visions of craps tables in my head and may head out to Atlantic City soon. I've been dying to go since I've been back from Vegas. Wish me luck in case I decide to go!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I added a new MCB playlist today. It's been a while and my apologies to those of you who actually tuned in weekly for them in the past. This week's playlist features Beatles songs. No real reason other than it's great music that will never go out of style.
I'm also working on some new "Ultimate" playlists so keep your eyes open for that. For those who haven't read some of my earlier writing, the 'Ultimate's are lists of quintessential songs that define a genre and are must-haves in anyone's mp3 collection. They're an excellent starting point for people that are new to a particular genre looking to build their musical collection. I've completed playlists for Salsa, Bachata and Freestyle thus far. The genres I plan to tackle next are Vallenatos, Merengue, and Samba. When considering 'Ultimate's for English music, it gets a little more complicated but I will probably work on songs by genre and decade (a.k.a. rock from the 80's, R&B from the 90's, etc)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I'll leave you with this thought, borrowed from a blog I stumbled upon today:
"IF I HAD MY LIFE TO LIVE OVER
I'd dare to make more mistakes next time.
I'd relax, I'd limber up.
I would be sillier than I've been this trip.
I would take fewer things seriously, take more chances, take more trips.
I'd climb more mountains and swim more rivers.
I would eat more ice cream and fewer beans.
I would perhaps have more actual troubles, but I'd have fewer imaginary ones.
You see, I'm one of those people who lived seriously, sanely, hour after hour, day after day.
I've had my moments, and if I had to do over again, I'd have more of them.
I've been one of those persons who never goes anywhere without a thermometer, a hot water bottle, a raincoat, and a parachute.
If I had my life to live over, I would start going barefoot earlier in the spring, and stay that way later in the fall.
I would go to more dances, I would ride more merry-go-rounds, I would pick more daisies."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Until next time, faithful reader......
It occurred to me today that I managed to upload pics from my trip to VA this past weekend to my Facebook profile but I still haven't posted my pics of my cousin Nelson's visit to NY yet!! What's wrong with me... smh. AH YES! I remember what happened now... Problems with the Facebook photo uploader. [Update: I managed to make it work while writing this blog entry. Hooray Beer!]
Speaking of VA, I HAD A BLAST this weekend catching up with old childhood friends in Richmond. This was the first time that all of us have been together under the same roof in almost a decade. We even made time (at the last possible minute, of course) to recreate the photo we took the last time we were together on that cold December night years ago back in T's house. This reunion also included a few new additions to the 'family' (a high school friend of T and Lex, and Lex's girlfriend, Cyn).
The only regret I have from this past weekend (it's a minor one, mind you) is that I missed out on the chance to check out the bar scene in downtown Richmond. I will say, though, that visiting Busch Gardens and spending time with childhood friends was a fair trade-off. On a related note, Busch Gardens was surprisingly fun and was better than Six Flags in NJ, if I do say so myself.
What else do I have planned, you ask? What's next for me?
Well... after talking with the fellas... we're trying set up a week-long cruise in Sept/Oct to the Caribbean. It'll be a chance for all the single guys of the crew to hang out and do our thing. Sorry Lex, though I'm sure you'd rather spend the time with Cyn anyway. =)
A few days ago, I had announced on Twitter that I was considering stopping by Atlantic City to get some money to go on this cruise (without having to tap into any savings) to which a friend responded: "geez vegas, road trips, ac, and a cruise! Lol crazy." I suppose it is... but I'm loving every second of it!!
To add to that "crazy" list of activities, I'm considering going skydiving in late August right before the Fall '09 semester starts. I'd prefer to do this with a friend but I'm willing to do it solo if no one steps up to join me. Anyone down?
I may also get my tattoo once the summer is over. I'll probably do it at the start of the school year (with that first paycheck of the semester). Some of you may have heard me talking about it since the start of the year but when deciding between ink or traveling, sight-seeing won over every time. I am serious about getting it so you can expect it to happen before the year's end.
There are a few things to sort out in my life between now and the end of the year but everything will happen in due time. Maybe I'll write about it next time, who knows.
Nevertheless, I have visions of craps tables in my head and may head out to Atlantic City soon. I've been dying to go since I've been back from Vegas. Wish me luck in case I decide to go!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I added a new MCB playlist today. It's been a while and my apologies to those of you who actually tuned in weekly for them in the past. This week's playlist features Beatles songs. No real reason other than it's great music that will never go out of style.
I'm also working on some new "Ultimate" playlists so keep your eyes open for that. For those who haven't read some of my earlier writing, the 'Ultimate's are lists of quintessential songs that define a genre and are must-haves in anyone's mp3 collection. They're an excellent starting point for people that are new to a particular genre looking to build their musical collection. I've completed playlists for Salsa, Bachata and Freestyle thus far. The genres I plan to tackle next are Vallenatos, Merengue, and Samba. When considering 'Ultimate's for English music, it gets a little more complicated but I will probably work on songs by genre and decade (a.k.a. rock from the 80's, R&B from the 90's, etc)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I'll leave you with this thought, borrowed from a blog I stumbled upon today:
"IF I HAD MY LIFE TO LIVE OVER
I'd dare to make more mistakes next time.
I'd relax, I'd limber up.
I would be sillier than I've been this trip.
I would take fewer things seriously, take more chances, take more trips.
I'd climb more mountains and swim more rivers.
I would eat more ice cream and fewer beans.
I would perhaps have more actual troubles, but I'd have fewer imaginary ones.
You see, I'm one of those people who lived seriously, sanely, hour after hour, day after day.
I've had my moments, and if I had to do over again, I'd have more of them.
I've been one of those persons who never goes anywhere without a thermometer, a hot water bottle, a raincoat, and a parachute.
If I had my life to live over, I would start going barefoot earlier in the spring, and stay that way later in the fall.
I would go to more dances, I would ride more merry-go-rounds, I would pick more daisies."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Until next time, faithful reader......
Saturday, July 18, 2009
Venting and Reflecting (or Getting Something Off My Chest)
[Note: For those of you who read my "A Peek Inside My Soul" post from a few weeks ago, consider this a follow-up post.]
I need to get this off my chest. Bear with me as I open up a little...
There have been times this year where I would become insanely furious with my ex-fiancé. I didn't understand why. I knew I was angry at her and thought it would be better to stay quiet. I wasn't exactly sure what it was that set me off each of those times. I had pieces of the puzzle but I think I now have a clear picture as to what I was feeling.
Ultimately, I can't shake the feeling that we wasted time being together. Not for the duration of the relationship but for the latter part of it. It could be due, partly, to convenience since we lived together and we got along just fine so cohabiting was easy. Part of it is also the convenience of simply being together. There's a saying in Spanish "el costumbre es mas fuerte que el amor" (a roughly translation of the idiom could read "routine is stronger than love"). I think that's what happened to us.
What actually caused us to 'fall out of love' is likely different for us both though I feel like I was the only one willing to speak up about our situation. And we DID try to make it work for a little while but I sensed it was probably too late. I didn't feel like there was any real effort on her part to make things work. I stopped trying to force things work. I succumbed to the inevitable and suggested we break up.
As I mentioned months ago, the feeling was mutual. Ultimately, our decision to split was based on the premise that we were both unhappy. The split would allow us to move on and find our own happiness. We still get along great and I'm glad (and admittedly a bit relieved) that she's moved on.
So why is it then that I have had these moments of bitterness, anger, and regret? It's because there is a part of me that feels I wasted time being with her. What really gnaws at me is being stuck with wondering whether I lost months or years staying with her for as long as I did.
When DID she start 'losing that loving feeling'? Why didn't she say anything to me if she sensed any trouble? The more I think about these things the more I feel like I was taken advantage of. I feel bad feeling that way but it's hard to shake that thought.
I'm willing to bet she doesn't know why, or when she knew, the love was gone. These aren't the types of feelings that are tied in to one occasion or specific event. It's a process that occurs over an extended period of time and slowly erodes the foundation of a relationship. I'm not completely innocent and I'm sure I helped contribute to it in some way.
I am not posting this to simply air out my dirty laundry or to reveal some emotional vulnerability. Putting this on paper helps me process my thoughts and allows me to sort things out. I can say with the same certainty as I said it back in the winter, I'm ready to move on and, looking back on things, I wish the break-up had happened sooner.
['Broken record' warning!!] Throughout my life, I was never really comfortable being single. In the past, it was due to insecurities and low self-esteem. Now, I don't feel like I know what to do. I was never good at flirting and don't feel like I would even be able to do it effectively. Also, I'm "socially stupid" when it comes to interpersonal relationships. I don't pick up on signals, signs, etc. from women so I don't even know if I'd be able to recognize when someone is interested in me unless she was blatant about her interest. Ultimately, the relationships will come in due time and I'm in no hurry - even though there are times where I feel like the sands in my hourglass are running out.
My primary focus this year has been enjoying my life. There's so much I haven't done, places I haven't seen, people to reconnect with, and once-in-a-lifetime experiences to revel in. My long-time friends have taken to calling me "Alan 2.0" because of how much I've changed in the past few years. I'm more carefree and I make time to go out more. I may not have made the most of my life to date but, in some ways, I am making up for lost time. I don't want any regrets when I look back on my life.
After all, isn't that what it's all about in the end? Live and enjoy life, ladies and gents! Don't settle for less than you feel you deserve.
Until next time, faithful reader......
I need to get this off my chest. Bear with me as I open up a little...
There have been times this year where I would become insanely furious with my ex-fiancé. I didn't understand why. I knew I was angry at her and thought it would be better to stay quiet. I wasn't exactly sure what it was that set me off each of those times. I had pieces of the puzzle but I think I now have a clear picture as to what I was feeling.
Ultimately, I can't shake the feeling that we wasted time being together. Not for the duration of the relationship but for the latter part of it. It could be due, partly, to convenience since we lived together and we got along just fine so cohabiting was easy. Part of it is also the convenience of simply being together. There's a saying in Spanish "el costumbre es mas fuerte que el amor" (a roughly translation of the idiom could read "routine is stronger than love"). I think that's what happened to us.
What actually caused us to 'fall out of love' is likely different for us both though I feel like I was the only one willing to speak up about our situation. And we DID try to make it work for a little while but I sensed it was probably too late. I didn't feel like there was any real effort on her part to make things work. I stopped trying to force things work. I succumbed to the inevitable and suggested we break up.
As I mentioned months ago, the feeling was mutual. Ultimately, our decision to split was based on the premise that we were both unhappy. The split would allow us to move on and find our own happiness. We still get along great and I'm glad (and admittedly a bit relieved) that she's moved on.
So why is it then that I have had these moments of bitterness, anger, and regret? It's because there is a part of me that feels I wasted time being with her. What really gnaws at me is being stuck with wondering whether I lost months or years staying with her for as long as I did.
When DID she start 'losing that loving feeling'? Why didn't she say anything to me if she sensed any trouble? The more I think about these things the more I feel like I was taken advantage of. I feel bad feeling that way but it's hard to shake that thought.
I'm willing to bet she doesn't know why, or when she knew, the love was gone. These aren't the types of feelings that are tied in to one occasion or specific event. It's a process that occurs over an extended period of time and slowly erodes the foundation of a relationship. I'm not completely innocent and I'm sure I helped contribute to it in some way.
I am not posting this to simply air out my dirty laundry or to reveal some emotional vulnerability. Putting this on paper helps me process my thoughts and allows me to sort things out. I can say with the same certainty as I said it back in the winter, I'm ready to move on and, looking back on things, I wish the break-up had happened sooner.
['Broken record' warning!!] Throughout my life, I was never really comfortable being single. In the past, it was due to insecurities and low self-esteem. Now, I don't feel like I know what to do. I was never good at flirting and don't feel like I would even be able to do it effectively. Also, I'm "socially stupid" when it comes to interpersonal relationships. I don't pick up on signals, signs, etc. from women so I don't even know if I'd be able to recognize when someone is interested in me unless she was blatant about her interest. Ultimately, the relationships will come in due time and I'm in no hurry - even though there are times where I feel like the sands in my hourglass are running out.
My primary focus this year has been enjoying my life. There's so much I haven't done, places I haven't seen, people to reconnect with, and once-in-a-lifetime experiences to revel in. My long-time friends have taken to calling me "Alan 2.0" because of how much I've changed in the past few years. I'm more carefree and I make time to go out more. I may not have made the most of my life to date but, in some ways, I am making up for lost time. I don't want any regrets when I look back on my life.
After all, isn't that what it's all about in the end? Live and enjoy life, ladies and gents! Don't settle for less than you feel you deserve.
Until next time, faithful reader......
Thursday, July 16, 2009
Nothing Left To Do But Blog About It
Welcome to another installment of mindless drivel and nonsensical prose. Glad you could make it. Pull up a chair and I'll pour you a drink. We can share a drink or two... or ten.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
ROOOOOOOOOADTRIIIIIIIIPPPP!!!!!!
I'm really looking forward to this weekend's getaway. I'm driving down to VA to visit some old friends! The Northeast crew along with the Southeast crew is converging in a house in the Mid-Atlantic. We've got my boy Tito coming up from Miami, cats flying down from NYC, me and Matt driving down in my car... and we're all staying at JV's place outside of Richmond.
About half the crew that's meeting up are people I went to elementary school with and this will be the first time we have all been together under the same roof since high school. There are some additions to the group. Girlfriends will be traveling as well along with new friends that we have made through the years.
Of all the trips I've taken this year, this may be the one I'm most looking forward to. Gotta love reunions with people you genuinely care about! I just received the tentative itinerary for this weekend and I'm sure we won't get to HALF of the things on the list. Although, I'm hoping we all get some time under the sun. I haven't had many chances to bask in the sunshine lately as I have been faithful to my work obligations. My main wish for the weekend is that the weather cooperates and we, at least, have the chance to do everything on the itinerary. Well... that, and I hope they all like my sangria!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I started my summer gig at Queens College this week. For the remainder of the summer semester, I will be an all-purpose tutor for the Sociology department. I won't make as much as I do when I'm teaching. Next summer, I can assure you that I will be teaching some electives and, thus, making better money. Nevertheless, it's a good way to keep myself busy and ensure some form of additional income in the meantime.
I conducted a writing workshop last night where I broke down the writing process (from the initial phase of thinking of your topic to fine tuning the final draft of a paper). When I started the lesson, I was a bundle of nerves and I didn't loosen up as quickly as I would have liked. I feel I could have done much better. Part of my anxiety was due to having to do the presentation in front of a colleague as opposed to flying solo with my own class. Thankfully, we get along well and whatever feedback I get from him will be off the record. It will be good to know what I can work on for next semester. I can also apply that knowledge to other Sociology classes when I decide to branch out beyond my statistics classes
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
For those of you who are curious (and to foolishly provide some assistance to my stalkers), here are my other public profiles you may want to visit one day, if you're so inclined:
1 - www.twitter.com/agsilver51 (Where I get to sound off - and mouth off - about my life and experiences: 140 characters at a time)
2 - www.posterous.com/agsilver (I don't use it to blog... that's what THIS site is for, silly. But I do like to post pics here occasionally - typically those taken on my phone. Check it out when you have a chance and lemme know what you think)
3 - www.bedwetter.com (I'm just making sure you're still paying attention!)
4 - tiny.cc/lod7R (A link to my "Rate My Professors" page where you can find reviews I've gotten this far after just one semester)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I'm not sure when I will get back on the ol' blog again so expect a mini-hiatus (the usual 6-10 days) unless I get inspired this weekend.
Until next time, faithful reader......
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
ROOOOOOOOOADTRIIIIIIIIPPPP!!!!!!
I'm really looking forward to this weekend's getaway. I'm driving down to VA to visit some old friends! The Northeast crew along with the Southeast crew is converging in a house in the Mid-Atlantic. We've got my boy Tito coming up from Miami, cats flying down from NYC, me and Matt driving down in my car... and we're all staying at JV's place outside of Richmond.
About half the crew that's meeting up are people I went to elementary school with and this will be the first time we have all been together under the same roof since high school. There are some additions to the group. Girlfriends will be traveling as well along with new friends that we have made through the years.
Of all the trips I've taken this year, this may be the one I'm most looking forward to. Gotta love reunions with people you genuinely care about! I just received the tentative itinerary for this weekend and I'm sure we won't get to HALF of the things on the list. Although, I'm hoping we all get some time under the sun. I haven't had many chances to bask in the sunshine lately as I have been faithful to my work obligations. My main wish for the weekend is that the weather cooperates and we, at least, have the chance to do everything on the itinerary. Well... that, and I hope they all like my sangria!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I started my summer gig at Queens College this week. For the remainder of the summer semester, I will be an all-purpose tutor for the Sociology department. I won't make as much as I do when I'm teaching. Next summer, I can assure you that I will be teaching some electives and, thus, making better money. Nevertheless, it's a good way to keep myself busy and ensure some form of additional income in the meantime.
I conducted a writing workshop last night where I broke down the writing process (from the initial phase of thinking of your topic to fine tuning the final draft of a paper). When I started the lesson, I was a bundle of nerves and I didn't loosen up as quickly as I would have liked. I feel I could have done much better. Part of my anxiety was due to having to do the presentation in front of a colleague as opposed to flying solo with my own class. Thankfully, we get along well and whatever feedback I get from him will be off the record. It will be good to know what I can work on for next semester. I can also apply that knowledge to other Sociology classes when I decide to branch out beyond my statistics classes
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
For those of you who are curious (and to foolishly provide some assistance to my stalkers), here are my other public profiles you may want to visit one day, if you're so inclined:
1 - www.twitter.com/agsilver51 (Where I get to sound off - and mouth off - about my life and experiences: 140 characters at a time)
2 - www.posterous.com/agsilver (I don't use it to blog... that's what THIS site is for, silly. But I do like to post pics here occasionally - typically those taken on my phone. Check it out when you have a chance and lemme know what you think)
3 - www.bedwetter.com (I'm just making sure you're still paying attention!)
4 - tiny.cc/lod7R (A link to my "Rate My Professors" page where you can find reviews I've gotten this far after just one semester)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I'm not sure when I will get back on the ol' blog again so expect a mini-hiatus (the usual 6-10 days) unless I get inspired this weekend.
Until next time, faithful reader......
Sunday, July 12, 2009
The Fake Sound of Progress
Hello once again,
A brief explanation to my RaUM-nivores: I've been fairly quiet recently but not because I haven't actually written anything. I've been recording a lot of my 'random and unforced musings' but there are certain things that are for my eyes only. Lately, when I've put the digital pen to paper, it's been more for the sake of self-therapy than public consumption. I thank you for understanding the importance of that personal writing process for me.
With that said, I think this would be a good time to fill you in on my weight loss/fitness progress.
I'm willing to go so far as to say that I am in the best shape of my adult life right now. In terms of weight, I've been staying steady at 195 pounds. I'm not too upset about that since I know that I'm leaner now than I've been in quite some time. Admittedly, I don't put a lot of stock in weight per se. I think that is where many people go wrong when trying to "lose weight". They focus on this one dimension, this single measurement to track their progress: the number on the scale.
This is not to downplay the importance of weight. It is surely the most visible and easily noticed change when someone adopts a new diet and/or an exercise plan. However, it's not the only tool at a person's disposal. For example, I know I'm leaner. My stomach is not as pronounced as it was when I first started my journey to better fitness/health. In addition to weighing myself, I also measure my mid-section to track how much girth I'm losing. The decrease in the size of the belly (along with hips, legs, and other body parts you may wish to measure) is an excellent motivator and an easy way to double check your progress when the scale doesn't make it overly apparent.
Many people overlook the role of new muscle built when beginning an exercise plan. I haven't completely abandoned the gym but I've tried to keep things simple by doing basic exercises at home. I haven't bulked up tremendously but I have noticed an improvement in my physique as a result of both the weight loss and the slight increase in muscle mass. With these two factors combined, there is a 'canceling out' effect on the scale. For all the fat I'm burning with my cardio, I'm replacing it with new muscle. I won't be naive enough to say it's a 1-to-1 ratio but I do recognize that the likely reason for not dropping more weight once I got under 200 lbs is due to new muscle.
Does this mean someone is not progressing if the scale keeps giving the same read out for weeks? Absolutely not. You have to consider other factors. Measuring your body is one tool. Another significant and, in my opinion, often overlooked factor is how you feel. Has your mood improved? Is there an increase in self-esteem? Are you feeling a sense of accomplishment? If not, it is likely that you're being too hard on yourself or that you have unrealistic expectations that need to be tempered. I've been there before. Now, I'm pleased knowing that sometimes I will make quick and immediately noticeable progress and have learned to accept that sometimes it'll take baby steps to get to where I want to be physically. I no longer get frustrated because I know that I'm taking all the right steps to ultimately arrive at my desired goal.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Personal milestone: I recently did 30 consecutive pushups. I probably could have done another 5-10 but had in my mind to complete 30 and stopped there. This is a significant milestone for me because prior to this year I was never able to do more than 15 pushups. Even when I managed to do 15 pushups, the last 3-4 were always a struggle and the jelly arms would kick in as I wobbled up and down the movement.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
My cousin Nelson flew in from Portugal this weekend and unfortunately only stayed in NYC for two days. I haven't seen him in about 2 years and I love when he visits. When we see each other it's as if we has seen each other just a few days before. The beauty of this trip was that it was the first time his wife has been in NYC. I have not had the honor or privilege of meeting her until now. She is very chill, down to earth, and has a good sense of humor. If she hadn't already been married to my cousin I'd would have hit on her. haha. ;)
I had a great time with them (and everyone else) last night at the family gathering. I offered to take them to the airport this morning for their flight to the west coast and had a nice convo with them during the car ride. I hate to see them go so soon but it gave me additional motivation to get my act together and visit them in Portugal soon.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
With that, I bid you adieu for now!
Until next time, faithful reader......
A brief explanation to my RaUM-nivores: I've been fairly quiet recently but not because I haven't actually written anything. I've been recording a lot of my 'random and unforced musings' but there are certain things that are for my eyes only. Lately, when I've put the digital pen to paper, it's been more for the sake of self-therapy than public consumption. I thank you for understanding the importance of that personal writing process for me.
With that said, I think this would be a good time to fill you in on my weight loss/fitness progress.
I'm willing to go so far as to say that I am in the best shape of my adult life right now. In terms of weight, I've been staying steady at 195 pounds. I'm not too upset about that since I know that I'm leaner now than I've been in quite some time. Admittedly, I don't put a lot of stock in weight per se. I think that is where many people go wrong when trying to "lose weight". They focus on this one dimension, this single measurement to track their progress: the number on the scale.
This is not to downplay the importance of weight. It is surely the most visible and easily noticed change when someone adopts a new diet and/or an exercise plan. However, it's not the only tool at a person's disposal. For example, I know I'm leaner. My stomach is not as pronounced as it was when I first started my journey to better fitness/health. In addition to weighing myself, I also measure my mid-section to track how much girth I'm losing. The decrease in the size of the belly (along with hips, legs, and other body parts you may wish to measure) is an excellent motivator and an easy way to double check your progress when the scale doesn't make it overly apparent.
Many people overlook the role of new muscle built when beginning an exercise plan. I haven't completely abandoned the gym but I've tried to keep things simple by doing basic exercises at home. I haven't bulked up tremendously but I have noticed an improvement in my physique as a result of both the weight loss and the slight increase in muscle mass. With these two factors combined, there is a 'canceling out' effect on the scale. For all the fat I'm burning with my cardio, I'm replacing it with new muscle. I won't be naive enough to say it's a 1-to-1 ratio but I do recognize that the likely reason for not dropping more weight once I got under 200 lbs is due to new muscle.
Does this mean someone is not progressing if the scale keeps giving the same read out for weeks? Absolutely not. You have to consider other factors. Measuring your body is one tool. Another significant and, in my opinion, often overlooked factor is how you feel. Has your mood improved? Is there an increase in self-esteem? Are you feeling a sense of accomplishment? If not, it is likely that you're being too hard on yourself or that you have unrealistic expectations that need to be tempered. I've been there before. Now, I'm pleased knowing that sometimes I will make quick and immediately noticeable progress and have learned to accept that sometimes it'll take baby steps to get to where I want to be physically. I no longer get frustrated because I know that I'm taking all the right steps to ultimately arrive at my desired goal.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Personal milestone: I recently did 30 consecutive pushups. I probably could have done another 5-10 but had in my mind to complete 30 and stopped there. This is a significant milestone for me because prior to this year I was never able to do more than 15 pushups. Even when I managed to do 15 pushups, the last 3-4 were always a struggle and the jelly arms would kick in as I wobbled up and down the movement.
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My cousin Nelson flew in from Portugal this weekend and unfortunately only stayed in NYC for two days. I haven't seen him in about 2 years and I love when he visits. When we see each other it's as if we has seen each other just a few days before. The beauty of this trip was that it was the first time his wife has been in NYC. I have not had the honor or privilege of meeting her until now. She is very chill, down to earth, and has a good sense of humor. If she hadn't already been married to my cousin I'd would have hit on her. haha. ;)
I had a great time with them (and everyone else) last night at the family gathering. I offered to take them to the airport this morning for their flight to the west coast and had a nice convo with them during the car ride. I hate to see them go so soon but it gave me additional motivation to get my act together and visit them in Portugal soon.
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With that, I bid you adieu for now!
Until next time, faithful reader......
Friday, July 3, 2009
Manny on Manny (a Chat About the Steroids Era )
With the return of Manny Ramirez to the LA Dodgers today, I thought it would be appropriate to post a conversation had with a good friend of mine recently about Ramirez' suspension for 'performance enhancing drugs' a few weeks ago.
This is transcript of our conversation:
[14:47] Manny: my question is : What percentage of players you think are dirty?
[14:49] Alan: oh man... define dirty? do you mean based on what is tested for now? or anyone trying to find an edge?
[14:50] Manny: anything that gives you an edge is unfair to the game
[14:50] Manny: therefore dirty
[14:51] Manny: if you use anything on a test that helps you pass that test is consider cheating
[14:51] Manny: unless specified by rules - disclaimer
[14:51] Alan: ok... then i'll say this... other than mechanical adjustments and studying your opponent's behaviors, patterns, etc, focusing simply on injecting, ingesting, or in any way consuming some drug to help your game....
[14:52] Alan: i'd say it is more likely that batters would be dirty than pitchers
[14:52] Manny: watching the game is just like studying for a test so that's fair
[14:53] Alan: pitchers make up approx 33% of MLB rosters so looking only at batters... from the bench players to the stars.... i'd be willing to be roughly half of the batters are "dirty" which would mean about 1/3 of MLB is dirty
[14:53] Manny: injecting, ingesting or any mechanical help is dirty
[14:53] Alan: but i don't think it's more than that
[14:53] Alan: by mechanical i meant body mechanics (adjustments to body motions to be more efficient, etc)
[14:54] Alan: not like cyborg attachments, etc... lol
[14:54] Manny: that's adapting yourself to a movement to improve so that's studying
[14:54] Alan: right...
[14:54] Manny: corked bats falls under mechanical help
[14:55] Manny: bats LOOOL
[14:55] Alan: yes!!!
[14:55] Alan: ugh... i HATE that more than anything else...
[14:55] Manny: yeah that's f-up
[14:55] Alan: they should have one type of wood... and the ONLY difference would be weight/length....
[14:55] Manny: grease balls
[14:55] Manny: that's the worse
[14:56] Manny: or mechanical helps
[14:58] Manny: if I want an unrealistic game - just like the game of baseball we see everyday - then I would just turn my PS3 on and play any MLB game - at the end of the day I know for a fact that the players are going to be the same !
[14:59] Alan: lol... good point...
[14:59] Manny: and not even that -
[14:59] Alan: but you know what? why should we abandon the game when we have players that ARE out there playing the game the "right way"
[14:59] Alan: it's not fair to those players who ARE clean
[14:59] Manny: what makes you think they are playing the right way?
[15:05] Alan: the right way meaning the clean ones...
[15:05] Manny: credibility is an unknown word for the sport of baseball - I guess I go back to playing video games and spending my $50 baseball ticket money on something else
[15:05] Alan: they worked their way up to the majors with hard work, dedication, and love for the game
[15:05] Alan: and now they have to pay for the sins of the cheaters
[15:06] Manny: isn't that what happened when Adam and Eve?
[15:06] Alan: HAHA!
[15:06] Manny: not to be religious or anything
[15:07] Alan: no not at all... i understand
[15:08] Alan: but it's a fair point...
On an added note, I don't feel that Manny should be allowed to play in the All Star Game primarily because he was suspended for "cheating". MLB can always justify the decision to freeze him out of the big game by saying he didn't play that many games in the first part of the season to warrant being selected over other players who did play the majority of games this season.
Until next time, faithful reader......
This is transcript of our conversation:
[14:32] Manny: manny ramirez suspended for 50 games for being so maricon taken enhancement drugs fu** bitch me pissed now
[14:33] Alan: lol... i know!!!
[14:34] Manny: that's why I don't watch the game anymore
[14:34] Manny: lost faith in baseball
[14:34] Alan: but he says it was something his doctor gave him and neither him nor his doctor knew it violated the drug policy
[14:34] Manny: yeah Ok
[14:34] Alan: (and it wasn't confirmed to NOT BE steroids)
[14:34] Manny: like the rest of them
[14:34] Alan: i know... makes the average fan very cynical
[14:34] Alan: it's too bad but good that it's happening...
[14:34] Alan: in about 10 years there will be more confidence in the players as being more "natural" athletes
[14:34] Manny: im done with baseball
[14:34] Manny: long time i have my gloves in the attic
[14:34] Manny: inside a bag inside another bag
[14:35] Alan: haha!
[14:35] Alan: damn man!
[14:35] Manny: in another 10 years there will be another way to cheat the game that's untraceable
[14:36] Alan: that may be true but for as long as there has been sports (of any kind) there has been someone looking to find the one thing that would give them the competitive advantage
[14:36] Manny: credibility is down the toilet - i followed the game but I wont waste my time anymore
[14:36] Alan: nothing new in mankind's history
[14:36] Alan: will you abandon all sports because of this?
[14:37] Manny: credibility - I follow something to be true if it's not true then why follow
[14:37] Manny: it becomes a fictitious game
[14:38] Alan: so my question again is, will you give up on all sports?
[14:38] Alan: b/c they're really all the same no matter what era you talk about
[14:38] Manny: if they are not true yes
[14:38] Manny: i will - then just believe in my game and what I'm capable of
[14:38] Alan: I'm telling you there is no sport immune to the effects of mankind wanting to make themselves just a little better than the rest
[14:38] Alan: the issue is have they been caught or not
[14:40] Alan: the only game you can truly rely on and have 100% confidence in is your own
[14:40] Manny: just like the others - every single big player has something
[14:40] Manny: proven!
[14:42] Alan: true
[14:42] Manny: is like going to school to become a janitor@
[14:42] Alan: but big players and small alike are not immune to trying to find an edge somehow
[14:42] Alan: why don't we get upset at the scrubs that get caught but give up on baseball when manny and a-rod get caught?
[14:43] Manny: if you are a big player you don't need to try anything because you are already BIG
[14:44] Alan: HAHA.... ok so this argument only applies to players you like?
[14:44] Manny: A-Rod is a different case - didn't like the guy from the get go! So I don't care about him
[14:44] Manny: never did - has too much ego going on - But Manny? cmon ? is there a true player out there?
[14:44] Alan: lol... good to know
[14:44] Manny: nooo actually
[14:45] Manny: to all players
[14:45] Alan: i never liked a-rod but i respected his talent
[14:45] Alan: manny i liked and respected (even if he was a bit of a character)
[14:45] Alan: i mean let's be honest... the Rome that baseball built after the players strike in '93 is finally burning
[14:45] Manny: I always thought bout A-Rod using steroids
[14:46] Manny: just like McGuire and Sosa
[14:46] Alan: you know what? i actually NEVER did... i thought alex was clean from the beginning... so it upset me to learn he used steroids
[14:46] Manny: and Bond c'mon? Barry !
[14:47] Manny: my question is : What percentage of players you think are dirty?
[14:49] Alan: oh man... define dirty? do you mean based on what is tested for now? or anyone trying to find an edge?
[14:50] Manny: anything that gives you an edge is unfair to the game
[14:50] Manny: therefore dirty
[14:51] Manny: if you use anything on a test that helps you pass that test is consider cheating
[14:51] Manny: unless specified by rules - disclaimer
[14:51] Alan: ok... then i'll say this... other than mechanical adjustments and studying your opponent's behaviors, patterns, etc, focusing simply on injecting, ingesting, or in any way consuming some drug to help your game....
[14:52] Alan: i'd say it is more likely that batters would be dirty than pitchers
[14:52] Manny: watching the game is just like studying for a test so that's fair
[14:53] Alan: pitchers make up approx 33% of MLB rosters so looking only at batters... from the bench players to the stars.... i'd be willing to be roughly half of the batters are "dirty" which would mean about 1/3 of MLB is dirty
[14:53] Manny: injecting, ingesting or any mechanical help is dirty
[14:53] Alan: but i don't think it's more than that
[14:53] Alan: by mechanical i meant body mechanics (adjustments to body motions to be more efficient, etc)
[14:54] Alan: not like cyborg attachments, etc... lol
[14:54] Manny: that's adapting yourself to a movement to improve so that's studying
[14:54] Alan: right...
[14:54] Manny: corked bats falls under mechanical help
[14:55] Manny: bats LOOOL
[14:55] Alan: yes!!!
[14:55] Alan: ugh... i HATE that more than anything else...
[14:55] Manny: yeah that's f-up
[14:55] Alan: they should have one type of wood... and the ONLY difference would be weight/length....
[14:55] Manny: grease balls
[14:55] Manny: that's the worse
[14:56] Manny: or mechanical helps
[14:58] Manny: if I want an unrealistic game - just like the game of baseball we see everyday - then I would just turn my PS3 on and play any MLB game - at the end of the day I know for a fact that the players are going to be the same !
[14:59] Alan: lol... good point...
[14:59] Manny: and not even that -
[14:59] Alan: but you know what? why should we abandon the game when we have players that ARE out there playing the game the "right way"
[14:59] Alan: it's not fair to those players who ARE clean
[14:59] Manny: what makes you think they are playing the right way?
[15:05] Alan: the right way meaning the clean ones...
[15:05] Manny: credibility is an unknown word for the sport of baseball - I guess I go back to playing video games and spending my $50 baseball ticket money on something else
[15:05] Alan: they worked their way up to the majors with hard work, dedication, and love for the game
[15:05] Alan: and now they have to pay for the sins of the cheaters
[15:06] Manny: isn't that what happened when Adam and Eve?
[15:06] Alan: HAHA!
[15:06] Manny: not to be religious or anything
[15:07] Alan: no not at all... i understand
[15:08] Alan: but it's a fair point...
On an added note, I don't feel that Manny should be allowed to play in the All Star Game primarily because he was suspended for "cheating". MLB can always justify the decision to freeze him out of the big game by saying he didn't play that many games in the first part of the season to warrant being selected over other players who did play the majority of games this season.
Until next time, faithful reader......
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