Welcome back,
Sorry to return on such a somber tone but... here goes.
It's at moments like these that I find myself at my most weakest. Not physically but emotionally. When I feel like I'm losing control of my life, I lose control of my emotions and my vulnerabilities seep through the surface...
I cried today... I cried at not having a father. It's not as if he's dead or if I didn't know him while growing up. It's quite the contrary. He's very much alive and he has had an impact on my life. The problem is that the impact was mostly negative. When I became an adult (the magical age of 18 when the law determines you're no longer a minor), I decided to live my life in a way that was opposite to the example he set for me. I credited him with teaching me how to be a man by showing me what NOT to do. But I realize now, many years later, I still have a lot of work to do.
I sit here weeping as I realize that I may have ended up more emotionally stable had he actually died when I was young. Or if only he had decided to leave my mom instead of staying and slowly inflicting the damage he did to me, my mom, and my sister, like a deadly cancer. Instead, I sit here, with tears streaming down my face as I type this, envying those around me who have a father they respect, and love, and can turn to in times of need. I hate them... well, that's not entirely true nor is it fair. I hate that they have the luxury of having a good man, or even just a decent one, at their disposal.
I need someone to turn to. I need to feel safe. I need a rock to lean on. I need the wisdom that only comes with age. I need a father. Just not the one I have.
I don't typically cry. But lately I've found it comes really easily to me. I want to do so much more for those I love but feel handcuffed by my financial circumstances. Although money isn't everything (this isn't a cliché thrown in for effect... it truly isn't) I can't help but look at the situation we're in and recognize that we'd all have a little more piece of mind if we just had a little financial comfort. Instead, we claw and scratch and scrape together what we can to survive. I'm tired of surviving. I just want to live.
I want to enjoy life without wondering if my bills will get paid. Wondering if I'll have an apartment to live in next month. Wondering if I can get through the week. Wondering if I'll have food in the kitchen to cook a meal tonight. Wondering if I'll regain my sanity soon. Wondering what will drive me further down this hole next.
I want my dad. I need my dad. Shit... at this point, I'll take any dad. But only one will do. And that man doesn't exist. He never did.
Thanks for sticking with me, faithful reader.
Until next time......
Showing posts with label family. Show all posts
Showing posts with label family. Show all posts
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
Thursday, November 26, 2009
Gratitude and Acknowledgments
Happy Thanksgiving everyone!
In the spirit of the season, I'd like to take this time to express my gratitude and thank everyone who has had an impact in my life this past year (in no particular order, a.k.a. as you pop into my head):
My Twitter peeps - I shout you out first because in a year of craziness you guys and gals have provided me a modicum of sanity (by showing me how much crazier you all are!! LMAO). Thanks for letting me vent without judgment and criticism, for offering me feedback when I needed it, and for giving me my daily dose of entertainment.
INNER CIRCLE:
Alexis - To the man I've known the longest out of anyone in my entire life. We may not have our spontaneous Dunkin runs like we used to back in the day, but I still appreciate you being there for me at the end of 2008 when I was at an emotional low point (and when we broke the "Dunkin code"). Though we may not hang out as much as I'd like, I will always value our friendship and want you to know I will always have your back!
Jorge/Frans - These two guys are my road dogs for life. Words cannot adequately relate how much I value having you guys as friends. We have been there for each other through thick and thin for the majority of our lives and I hope this continues until we're old and gray.
Tito - You're irreplaceable, bro. Forever my Cuban/DR brother for life!! Thank you for always making me feel at home (going back to our PS148 days!). I don't see you nearly enough and plan to remedy that in the upcoming year. When will you be coming up to NYC?
JV - Despite all the time and distance between us, it still feels like yesterday every time we meet. Memories of Madrigal will never fail to bring a smile to my face. Hopefully, the New Year 2010 plans will pan out.
Liz - I'm always grateful for my 'twin' who is always there to lend an ear (and to come asking me for advice which she NEVER takes). When are you inviting me to one of your dozens of annual cruises?
Sofia - You aren't old enough to read this or even know what these words mean. But I need to tell you that you have no idea how much your smile brightens up my day. I can't help but laugh and smile every time I see the "Palpatine" video I took of you during one of my recent visits. Tio Alan loves you very much!
Valued Friends/Colleagues:
Jessie/Miko/Tara - I'm grateful for having you ladies back in my life. Even if it is only for a few drinks every few months, I feel grounded when hanging with you all and value your friendship as much today (if not more) I did back in the BxSci days.
ULF - For the road trips we took at the start of the year! I had a blast (even though it may not have seemed like it at times). OH... and for late-night murder burgers.
BJB - For Trivial Pursuit and Tanqueray (never again!!). I owe you a drink (at least one)! In loving memory of Jean Pierre... lol
ES/KL - For helping me out on the day I needed it most (when you could have been doing ANYTHING else) and for not throwing your relationship in my face.
J(w/a'K')D - a new friend who I've been comfortable enough to laugh with and share with. I hope we remain friends for years to come. May there be many more FU's in our future. =)
EZ/MdlS - For being my 'release valve' when I needed a shoulder to lean on or someone to listen when I was beginning to keep things inside again.
SL/JO - For Vegas. Nuff said.
CM - The greatest TA a professor could ask for. Thank you for making my life so much simpler this semester!!
D - For our weekly chats in the department that cause me to be late for class.
My colleagues at QC - To those of who who continue to support me and offer guidance when I need it, I am eternally grateful!
Family:
All my cousins (NMR, AR, NP, VP, among others) - I adore you all and am glad we've been able to reconnect this year. I hope we continue to grow closer.
Euli - Thank you for being a part of my life again. I'm sorry for the time I spent away from you and hope that we can continue growing closer and learning from each other for a very, very long time. Love you, baby sis.
Mom - For always keeping me grounded and reminding me how to love unconditionally. For showing me how to be strong in the face of adversity. For showing me how to remain positive even when the world seems to be crumbling down around you. For teaching me to appreciate the little things in life and to value contact with our family, even if it is only for a moment. I love you, Mom.
Dad - Wherever you are. I no longer hate you like I did before. And though I have not forgiven you, I often wonder what you're doing now. For better or worse, te quiero viejo. You helped shape who I am today. There's not a week that goes by that I don't think of you (though that's not always a good thing, sir).
~~~~~~~~~~
I am sure there are others who have been left off this list. Do not take offense for this does not mean I care for you any less. It was not a bout of negligence that led me to keep you off of this list but rather I blame my faulty memory. But those of you who have had a significant impact in my life this past year know who you are. If not, I'll do my best to remind you who you are in the coming days, weeks, and years.
I wish you all a happy and healthy Thanksgiving 2009. May your feast tonight be bountiful, your drinks plentiful, and your hearts full of love and joy this holiday weekend.
Until next time, faithful reader...
In the spirit of the season, I'd like to take this time to express my gratitude and thank everyone who has had an impact in my life this past year (in no particular order, a.k.a. as you pop into my head):
My Twitter peeps - I shout you out first because in a year of craziness you guys and gals have provided me a modicum of sanity (by showing me how much crazier you all are!! LMAO). Thanks for letting me vent without judgment and criticism, for offering me feedback when I needed it, and for giving me my daily dose of entertainment.
INNER CIRCLE:
Alexis - To the man I've known the longest out of anyone in my entire life. We may not have our spontaneous Dunkin runs like we used to back in the day, but I still appreciate you being there for me at the end of 2008 when I was at an emotional low point (and when we broke the "Dunkin code"). Though we may not hang out as much as I'd like, I will always value our friendship and want you to know I will always have your back!
Jorge/Frans - These two guys are my road dogs for life. Words cannot adequately relate how much I value having you guys as friends. We have been there for each other through thick and thin for the majority of our lives and I hope this continues until we're old and gray.
Tito - You're irreplaceable, bro. Forever my Cuban/DR brother for life!! Thank you for always making me feel at home (going back to our PS148 days!). I don't see you nearly enough and plan to remedy that in the upcoming year. When will you be coming up to NYC?
JV - Despite all the time and distance between us, it still feels like yesterday every time we meet. Memories of Madrigal will never fail to bring a smile to my face. Hopefully, the New Year 2010 plans will pan out.
Liz - I'm always grateful for my 'twin' who is always there to lend an ear (and to come asking me for advice which she NEVER takes). When are you inviting me to one of your dozens of annual cruises?
Sofia - You aren't old enough to read this or even know what these words mean. But I need to tell you that you have no idea how much your smile brightens up my day. I can't help but laugh and smile every time I see the "Palpatine" video I took of you during one of my recent visits. Tio Alan loves you very much!
Valued Friends/Colleagues:
Jessie/Miko/Tara - I'm grateful for having you ladies back in my life. Even if it is only for a few drinks every few months, I feel grounded when hanging with you all and value your friendship as much today (if not more) I did back in the BxSci days.
ULF - For the road trips we took at the start of the year! I had a blast (even though it may not have seemed like it at times). OH... and for late-night murder burgers.
BJB - For Trivial Pursuit and Tanqueray (never again!!). I owe you a drink (at least one)! In loving memory of Jean Pierre... lol
ES/KL - For helping me out on the day I needed it most (when you could have been doing ANYTHING else) and for not throwing your relationship in my face.
J(w/a'K')D - a new friend who I've been comfortable enough to laugh with and share with. I hope we remain friends for years to come. May there be many more FU's in our future. =)
EZ/MdlS - For being my 'release valve' when I needed a shoulder to lean on or someone to listen when I was beginning to keep things inside again.
SL/JO - For Vegas. Nuff said.
CM - The greatest TA a professor could ask for. Thank you for making my life so much simpler this semester!!
D - For our weekly chats in the department that cause me to be late for class.
My colleagues at QC - To those of who who continue to support me and offer guidance when I need it, I am eternally grateful!
Family:
All my cousins (NMR, AR, NP, VP, among others) - I adore you all and am glad we've been able to reconnect this year. I hope we continue to grow closer.
Euli - Thank you for being a part of my life again. I'm sorry for the time I spent away from you and hope that we can continue growing closer and learning from each other for a very, very long time. Love you, baby sis.
Mom - For always keeping me grounded and reminding me how to love unconditionally. For showing me how to be strong in the face of adversity. For showing me how to remain positive even when the world seems to be crumbling down around you. For teaching me to appreciate the little things in life and to value contact with our family, even if it is only for a moment. I love you, Mom.
Dad - Wherever you are. I no longer hate you like I did before. And though I have not forgiven you, I often wonder what you're doing now. For better or worse, te quiero viejo. You helped shape who I am today. There's not a week that goes by that I don't think of you (though that's not always a good thing, sir).
~~~~~~~~~~
I am sure there are others who have been left off this list. Do not take offense for this does not mean I care for you any less. It was not a bout of negligence that led me to keep you off of this list but rather I blame my faulty memory. But those of you who have had a significant impact in my life this past year know who you are. If not, I'll do my best to remind you who you are in the coming days, weeks, and years.
I wish you all a happy and healthy Thanksgiving 2009. May your feast tonight be bountiful, your drinks plentiful, and your hearts full of love and joy this holiday weekend.
Until next time, faithful reader...
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
Reunions and Looking Forward
Greetings,
It occurred to me today that I managed to upload pics from my trip to VA this past weekend to my Facebook profile but I still haven't posted my pics of my cousin Nelson's visit to NY yet!! What's wrong with me... smh. AH YES! I remember what happened now... Problems with the Facebook photo uploader. [Update: I managed to make it work while writing this blog entry. Hooray Beer!]
Speaking of VA, I HAD A BLAST this weekend catching up with old childhood friends in Richmond. This was the first time that all of us have been together under the same roof in almost a decade. We even made time (at the last possible minute, of course) to recreate the photo we took the last time we were together on that cold December night years ago back in T's house. This reunion also included a few new additions to the 'family' (a high school friend of T and Lex, and Lex's girlfriend, Cyn).
The only regret I have from this past weekend (it's a minor one, mind you) is that I missed out on the chance to check out the bar scene in downtown Richmond. I will say, though, that visiting Busch Gardens and spending time with childhood friends was a fair trade-off. On a related note, Busch Gardens was surprisingly fun and was better than Six Flags in NJ, if I do say so myself.
What else do I have planned, you ask? What's next for me?
Well... after talking with the fellas... we're trying set up a week-long cruise in Sept/Oct to the Caribbean. It'll be a chance for all the single guys of the crew to hang out and do our thing. Sorry Lex, though I'm sure you'd rather spend the time with Cyn anyway. =)
A few days ago, I had announced on Twitter that I was considering stopping by Atlantic City to get some money to go on this cruise (without having to tap into any savings) to which a friend responded: "geez vegas, road trips, ac, and a cruise! Lol crazy." I suppose it is... but I'm loving every second of it!!
To add to that "crazy" list of activities, I'm considering going skydiving in late August right before the Fall '09 semester starts. I'd prefer to do this with a friend but I'm willing to do it solo if no one steps up to join me. Anyone down?
I may also get my tattoo once the summer is over. I'll probably do it at the start of the school year (with that first paycheck of the semester). Some of you may have heard me talking about it since the start of the year but when deciding between ink or traveling, sight-seeing won over every time. I am serious about getting it so you can expect it to happen before the year's end.
There are a few things to sort out in my life between now and the end of the year but everything will happen in due time. Maybe I'll write about it next time, who knows.
Nevertheless, I have visions of craps tables in my head and may head out to Atlantic City soon. I've been dying to go since I've been back from Vegas. Wish me luck in case I decide to go!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I added a new MCB playlist today. It's been a while and my apologies to those of you who actually tuned in weekly for them in the past. This week's playlist features Beatles songs. No real reason other than it's great music that will never go out of style.
I'm also working on some new "Ultimate" playlists so keep your eyes open for that. For those who haven't read some of my earlier writing, the 'Ultimate's are lists of quintessential songs that define a genre and are must-haves in anyone's mp3 collection. They're an excellent starting point for people that are new to a particular genre looking to build their musical collection. I've completed playlists for Salsa, Bachata and Freestyle thus far. The genres I plan to tackle next are Vallenatos, Merengue, and Samba. When considering 'Ultimate's for English music, it gets a little more complicated but I will probably work on songs by genre and decade (a.k.a. rock from the 80's, R&B from the 90's, etc)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I'll leave you with this thought, borrowed from a blog I stumbled upon today:
"IF I HAD MY LIFE TO LIVE OVER
I'd dare to make more mistakes next time.
I'd relax, I'd limber up.
I would be sillier than I've been this trip.
I would take fewer things seriously, take more chances, take more trips.
I'd climb more mountains and swim more rivers.
I would eat more ice cream and fewer beans.
I would perhaps have more actual troubles, but I'd have fewer imaginary ones.
You see, I'm one of those people who lived seriously, sanely, hour after hour, day after day.
I've had my moments, and if I had to do over again, I'd have more of them.
I've been one of those persons who never goes anywhere without a thermometer, a hot water bottle, a raincoat, and a parachute.
If I had my life to live over, I would start going barefoot earlier in the spring, and stay that way later in the fall.
I would go to more dances, I would ride more merry-go-rounds, I would pick more daisies."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Until next time, faithful reader......
It occurred to me today that I managed to upload pics from my trip to VA this past weekend to my Facebook profile but I still haven't posted my pics of my cousin Nelson's visit to NY yet!! What's wrong with me... smh. AH YES! I remember what happened now... Problems with the Facebook photo uploader. [Update: I managed to make it work while writing this blog entry. Hooray Beer!]
Speaking of VA, I HAD A BLAST this weekend catching up with old childhood friends in Richmond. This was the first time that all of us have been together under the same roof in almost a decade. We even made time (at the last possible minute, of course) to recreate the photo we took the last time we were together on that cold December night years ago back in T's house. This reunion also included a few new additions to the 'family' (a high school friend of T and Lex, and Lex's girlfriend, Cyn).
The only regret I have from this past weekend (it's a minor one, mind you) is that I missed out on the chance to check out the bar scene in downtown Richmond. I will say, though, that visiting Busch Gardens and spending time with childhood friends was a fair trade-off. On a related note, Busch Gardens was surprisingly fun and was better than Six Flags in NJ, if I do say so myself.
What else do I have planned, you ask? What's next for me?
Well... after talking with the fellas... we're trying set up a week-long cruise in Sept/Oct to the Caribbean. It'll be a chance for all the single guys of the crew to hang out and do our thing. Sorry Lex, though I'm sure you'd rather spend the time with Cyn anyway. =)
A few days ago, I had announced on Twitter that I was considering stopping by Atlantic City to get some money to go on this cruise (without having to tap into any savings) to which a friend responded: "geez vegas, road trips, ac, and a cruise! Lol crazy." I suppose it is... but I'm loving every second of it!!
To add to that "crazy" list of activities, I'm considering going skydiving in late August right before the Fall '09 semester starts. I'd prefer to do this with a friend but I'm willing to do it solo if no one steps up to join me. Anyone down?
I may also get my tattoo once the summer is over. I'll probably do it at the start of the school year (with that first paycheck of the semester). Some of you may have heard me talking about it since the start of the year but when deciding between ink or traveling, sight-seeing won over every time. I am serious about getting it so you can expect it to happen before the year's end.
There are a few things to sort out in my life between now and the end of the year but everything will happen in due time. Maybe I'll write about it next time, who knows.
Nevertheless, I have visions of craps tables in my head and may head out to Atlantic City soon. I've been dying to go since I've been back from Vegas. Wish me luck in case I decide to go!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I added a new MCB playlist today. It's been a while and my apologies to those of you who actually tuned in weekly for them in the past. This week's playlist features Beatles songs. No real reason other than it's great music that will never go out of style.
I'm also working on some new "Ultimate" playlists so keep your eyes open for that. For those who haven't read some of my earlier writing, the 'Ultimate's are lists of quintessential songs that define a genre and are must-haves in anyone's mp3 collection. They're an excellent starting point for people that are new to a particular genre looking to build their musical collection. I've completed playlists for Salsa, Bachata and Freestyle thus far. The genres I plan to tackle next are Vallenatos, Merengue, and Samba. When considering 'Ultimate's for English music, it gets a little more complicated but I will probably work on songs by genre and decade (a.k.a. rock from the 80's, R&B from the 90's, etc)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I'll leave you with this thought, borrowed from a blog I stumbled upon today:
"IF I HAD MY LIFE TO LIVE OVER
I'd dare to make more mistakes next time.
I'd relax, I'd limber up.
I would be sillier than I've been this trip.
I would take fewer things seriously, take more chances, take more trips.
I'd climb more mountains and swim more rivers.
I would eat more ice cream and fewer beans.
I would perhaps have more actual troubles, but I'd have fewer imaginary ones.
You see, I'm one of those people who lived seriously, sanely, hour after hour, day after day.
I've had my moments, and if I had to do over again, I'd have more of them.
I've been one of those persons who never goes anywhere without a thermometer, a hot water bottle, a raincoat, and a parachute.
If I had my life to live over, I would start going barefoot earlier in the spring, and stay that way later in the fall.
I would go to more dances, I would ride more merry-go-rounds, I would pick more daisies."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Until next time, faithful reader......
Sunday, July 12, 2009
The Fake Sound of Progress
Hello once again,
A brief explanation to my RaUM-nivores: I've been fairly quiet recently but not because I haven't actually written anything. I've been recording a lot of my 'random and unforced musings' but there are certain things that are for my eyes only. Lately, when I've put the digital pen to paper, it's been more for the sake of self-therapy than public consumption. I thank you for understanding the importance of that personal writing process for me.
With that said, I think this would be a good time to fill you in on my weight loss/fitness progress.
I'm willing to go so far as to say that I am in the best shape of my adult life right now. In terms of weight, I've been staying steady at 195 pounds. I'm not too upset about that since I know that I'm leaner now than I've been in quite some time. Admittedly, I don't put a lot of stock in weight per se. I think that is where many people go wrong when trying to "lose weight". They focus on this one dimension, this single measurement to track their progress: the number on the scale.
This is not to downplay the importance of weight. It is surely the most visible and easily noticed change when someone adopts a new diet and/or an exercise plan. However, it's not the only tool at a person's disposal. For example, I know I'm leaner. My stomach is not as pronounced as it was when I first started my journey to better fitness/health. In addition to weighing myself, I also measure my mid-section to track how much girth I'm losing. The decrease in the size of the belly (along with hips, legs, and other body parts you may wish to measure) is an excellent motivator and an easy way to double check your progress when the scale doesn't make it overly apparent.
Many people overlook the role of new muscle built when beginning an exercise plan. I haven't completely abandoned the gym but I've tried to keep things simple by doing basic exercises at home. I haven't bulked up tremendously but I have noticed an improvement in my physique as a result of both the weight loss and the slight increase in muscle mass. With these two factors combined, there is a 'canceling out' effect on the scale. For all the fat I'm burning with my cardio, I'm replacing it with new muscle. I won't be naive enough to say it's a 1-to-1 ratio but I do recognize that the likely reason for not dropping more weight once I got under 200 lbs is due to new muscle.
Does this mean someone is not progressing if the scale keeps giving the same read out for weeks? Absolutely not. You have to consider other factors. Measuring your body is one tool. Another significant and, in my opinion, often overlooked factor is how you feel. Has your mood improved? Is there an increase in self-esteem? Are you feeling a sense of accomplishment? If not, it is likely that you're being too hard on yourself or that you have unrealistic expectations that need to be tempered. I've been there before. Now, I'm pleased knowing that sometimes I will make quick and immediately noticeable progress and have learned to accept that sometimes it'll take baby steps to get to where I want to be physically. I no longer get frustrated because I know that I'm taking all the right steps to ultimately arrive at my desired goal.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Personal milestone: I recently did 30 consecutive pushups. I probably could have done another 5-10 but had in my mind to complete 30 and stopped there. This is a significant milestone for me because prior to this year I was never able to do more than 15 pushups. Even when I managed to do 15 pushups, the last 3-4 were always a struggle and the jelly arms would kick in as I wobbled up and down the movement.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
My cousin Nelson flew in from Portugal this weekend and unfortunately only stayed in NYC for two days. I haven't seen him in about 2 years and I love when he visits. When we see each other it's as if we has seen each other just a few days before. The beauty of this trip was that it was the first time his wife has been in NYC. I have not had the honor or privilege of meeting her until now. She is very chill, down to earth, and has a good sense of humor. If she hadn't already been married to my cousin I'd would have hit on her. haha. ;)
I had a great time with them (and everyone else) last night at the family gathering. I offered to take them to the airport this morning for their flight to the west coast and had a nice convo with them during the car ride. I hate to see them go so soon but it gave me additional motivation to get my act together and visit them in Portugal soon.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
With that, I bid you adieu for now!
Until next time, faithful reader......
A brief explanation to my RaUM-nivores: I've been fairly quiet recently but not because I haven't actually written anything. I've been recording a lot of my 'random and unforced musings' but there are certain things that are for my eyes only. Lately, when I've put the digital pen to paper, it's been more for the sake of self-therapy than public consumption. I thank you for understanding the importance of that personal writing process for me.
With that said, I think this would be a good time to fill you in on my weight loss/fitness progress.
I'm willing to go so far as to say that I am in the best shape of my adult life right now. In terms of weight, I've been staying steady at 195 pounds. I'm not too upset about that since I know that I'm leaner now than I've been in quite some time. Admittedly, I don't put a lot of stock in weight per se. I think that is where many people go wrong when trying to "lose weight". They focus on this one dimension, this single measurement to track their progress: the number on the scale.
This is not to downplay the importance of weight. It is surely the most visible and easily noticed change when someone adopts a new diet and/or an exercise plan. However, it's not the only tool at a person's disposal. For example, I know I'm leaner. My stomach is not as pronounced as it was when I first started my journey to better fitness/health. In addition to weighing myself, I also measure my mid-section to track how much girth I'm losing. The decrease in the size of the belly (along with hips, legs, and other body parts you may wish to measure) is an excellent motivator and an easy way to double check your progress when the scale doesn't make it overly apparent.
Many people overlook the role of new muscle built when beginning an exercise plan. I haven't completely abandoned the gym but I've tried to keep things simple by doing basic exercises at home. I haven't bulked up tremendously but I have noticed an improvement in my physique as a result of both the weight loss and the slight increase in muscle mass. With these two factors combined, there is a 'canceling out' effect on the scale. For all the fat I'm burning with my cardio, I'm replacing it with new muscle. I won't be naive enough to say it's a 1-to-1 ratio but I do recognize that the likely reason for not dropping more weight once I got under 200 lbs is due to new muscle.
Does this mean someone is not progressing if the scale keeps giving the same read out for weeks? Absolutely not. You have to consider other factors. Measuring your body is one tool. Another significant and, in my opinion, often overlooked factor is how you feel. Has your mood improved? Is there an increase in self-esteem? Are you feeling a sense of accomplishment? If not, it is likely that you're being too hard on yourself or that you have unrealistic expectations that need to be tempered. I've been there before. Now, I'm pleased knowing that sometimes I will make quick and immediately noticeable progress and have learned to accept that sometimes it'll take baby steps to get to where I want to be physically. I no longer get frustrated because I know that I'm taking all the right steps to ultimately arrive at my desired goal.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Personal milestone: I recently did 30 consecutive pushups. I probably could have done another 5-10 but had in my mind to complete 30 and stopped there. This is a significant milestone for me because prior to this year I was never able to do more than 15 pushups. Even when I managed to do 15 pushups, the last 3-4 were always a struggle and the jelly arms would kick in as I wobbled up and down the movement.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
My cousin Nelson flew in from Portugal this weekend and unfortunately only stayed in NYC for two days. I haven't seen him in about 2 years and I love when he visits. When we see each other it's as if we has seen each other just a few days before. The beauty of this trip was that it was the first time his wife has been in NYC. I have not had the honor or privilege of meeting her until now. She is very chill, down to earth, and has a good sense of humor. If she hadn't already been married to my cousin I'd would have hit on her. haha. ;)
I had a great time with them (and everyone else) last night at the family gathering. I offered to take them to the airport this morning for their flight to the west coast and had a nice convo with them during the car ride. I hate to see them go so soon but it gave me additional motivation to get my act together and visit them in Portugal soon.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
With that, I bid you adieu for now!
Until next time, faithful reader......
Sunday, June 14, 2009
Thinking back - part 2
Welcome back,
Previously, I started recounted the story of my path from HS to when I dropped out of NYU (and the subsequent regret I had over that decision). This is the story of how I ended up at Queens College.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
After spending several years away from a classroom, I realized my life wasn't really progressing and I wasn't happy where I had been working. Some of the jobs I had in this time included working at a car parts warehouse, a car rental agency (both ends of the transaction: the guy that gives the customer his/her car AND later as the rental agent printing up contracts), and a video store, among others. In all these jobs (except the warehouse), I had either become, or was on the verge of being promoted to, a manager (whether it was P/T mgr or ass't mgr). But despite the increase in pay and responsibility, it was not the life I felt I needed to be living.
I made the decision to go back to school. I had been out of NYU for some time and two of my closest friends were in Queens College. I knew I would be disappointed with myself if I were to never go back and get a college degree. I went to Bronx-freaking-Science for Christ's sake!! I had friends who went to Ivy League schools. Others went to top universities throughout the country studying with faculty that were the experts in their fields of interest. What did I have to show for my time at Science? NOTHING. I was an NYU-drop out. I was bitter and needed to get back on the intellectual horse for my own sanity otherwise I'd never be able to live with myself.
I knew I couldn't afford a private university and opted for a CUNY education. I applied to all the CUNY's in Queens: LaGuardia CC, Queens College and Queensborough CC (QCC). Queens College was my first choice. Though I was willing to settle for admission to one of the CC's and transfer after a year or two. I was only accepted to Queensborough which was a blow to my ego but, at least, it got my foot in the door.
I tried to make the most of my time there but, quite frankly, I was so bored with my classes that I didn't feel challenged. I would spend more time hanging out with new friends than working on my class work. I fell behind in my course work and was very unmotivated. In the span of a year, I managed to pass 2 classes, dropped a few (I forgot how many exactly), and the others I failed outright for lack of attendance. I knew I had to get out of there.
I decided a transfer would do me some good. After all, the school I really wanted to go to was Queens College (QC). I need to confess that my primary motivation for going to QC was the fact that my friends were there. They'd tell me about how they spent time there, the people that they've met, and it sounded like fun. So much so, I even started spending my free time at QC and really liked the vibe on the campus. I often rushed out of class at QCC (when I actually went to class) and took the buses to QC just to hang out. I spent my time at the office for the student organization Alliance of Latin American Students (ALAS). It got to the point that people in ALAS thought I was a QC student and were shocked to find out I was going to QCC.
My decision to attend QC was not solely based on the social scene there. After all, it's not as if QC is a bad school, academically. It actually had (and still has) a very good reputation and is one of the few "respected" schools in the CUNY system.
I applied for a transfer during the summer. I didn't get a letter from CUNY Central telling me whether the transfer was accepted or not. Instead, I received a phone call from the Director of Admissions at QC (to this day, I wish I could remember her name). She wanted to interview me in person. I was surprised and excited. I didn't know what to expect but, even though I was extremely nervous, I figured this must be a good sign.
I walk into her office and I'm greeting by a friendly woman. She asks me to take a seat and proceeds to tell me that she has been looking over my application repeatedly. Immediately, my heart sank. I began wondering why I was even called here in the first place. This was a waste of my time! She's seen how badly I've done in QCC. She knows that I've been out of HS for so many years. I only had a B (maybe B-) average at Science. What do I really have going for me??
Well, it turns out... something in my application had caught her eye. Something that made her call me in for the interview. Something that she couldn't quite wrap her head around that caused her to want to meet me in person rather than make her decision based on what was on paper. She asked me how someone who graduated from Bronx Science could do so badly in QCC. Essentially, I explained that I didn't feel QCC was the place for me. I explained having visited QC and feeling a sense of belonging there. She reasoned, aloud, that I wasn't being challenged academically and I hadn't realized that until she said it. It was the first ray of sunshine in what had been a cloudy collegiate experience for me.
She reviewed my SAT scores (which, for the record, were quite good) and told me that my academic pedigree was strong. She understood why I didn't do well at QCC and she was willing to give me a chance to succeed at QC. This was based on a hunch. An intuition that she had gotten after speaking to me for about 10-15 minutes. I could not believe what had just happened. I was going to attend Queens College!
After completing a few formalities such as writing a short reply to a generic question she had prepared (to prove I can write in English) and filling out some forms, I was officially a QC student. The director then made me promise to follow up with her every semester to let her know how I was progressing. I easily agreed to this condition. After all, this woman had just changed my life!! In hindsight, she changed it in more ways than I could have EVER imagined.
I'll talk about my time at QC some other time but I did want to say one more thing about the QC Admissions Director. I successfully completed my first semester at QC the following fall and was beginning to erase the memory of QCC on my record. I made arrangements to swing by the Director's office in January. It was after the new year but before the start of the spring semester. When I walked into the Admissions Office, I learned that she had transferred to another school and was no longer working at QC. I was disappointed since I really did want to give her a progress report and to thank her for letting me transfer to QC.
If she could only see me now: a graduate of the MA program at QC and teaching other QC students. I don't know where she is now and I am fairly certain she isn't reading this entry but THANK YOU! Thank you for for believing in me and for taking the chance on me. It was just what I needed and I don't know where I would be without you!!
Until next time, faithful reader......
Previously, I started recounted the story of my path from HS to when I dropped out of NYU (and the subsequent regret I had over that decision). This is the story of how I ended up at Queens College.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
After spending several years away from a classroom, I realized my life wasn't really progressing and I wasn't happy where I had been working. Some of the jobs I had in this time included working at a car parts warehouse, a car rental agency (both ends of the transaction: the guy that gives the customer his/her car AND later as the rental agent printing up contracts), and a video store, among others. In all these jobs (except the warehouse), I had either become, or was on the verge of being promoted to, a manager (whether it was P/T mgr or ass't mgr). But despite the increase in pay and responsibility, it was not the life I felt I needed to be living.
I made the decision to go back to school. I had been out of NYU for some time and two of my closest friends were in Queens College. I knew I would be disappointed with myself if I were to never go back and get a college degree. I went to Bronx-freaking-Science for Christ's sake!! I had friends who went to Ivy League schools. Others went to top universities throughout the country studying with faculty that were the experts in their fields of interest. What did I have to show for my time at Science? NOTHING. I was an NYU-drop out. I was bitter and needed to get back on the intellectual horse for my own sanity otherwise I'd never be able to live with myself.
I knew I couldn't afford a private university and opted for a CUNY education. I applied to all the CUNY's in Queens: LaGuardia CC, Queens College and Queensborough CC (QCC). Queens College was my first choice. Though I was willing to settle for admission to one of the CC's and transfer after a year or two. I was only accepted to Queensborough which was a blow to my ego but, at least, it got my foot in the door.
I tried to make the most of my time there but, quite frankly, I was so bored with my classes that I didn't feel challenged. I would spend more time hanging out with new friends than working on my class work. I fell behind in my course work and was very unmotivated. In the span of a year, I managed to pass 2 classes, dropped a few (I forgot how many exactly), and the others I failed outright for lack of attendance. I knew I had to get out of there.
I decided a transfer would do me some good. After all, the school I really wanted to go to was Queens College (QC). I need to confess that my primary motivation for going to QC was the fact that my friends were there. They'd tell me about how they spent time there, the people that they've met, and it sounded like fun. So much so, I even started spending my free time at QC and really liked the vibe on the campus. I often rushed out of class at QCC (when I actually went to class) and took the buses to QC just to hang out. I spent my time at the office for the student organization Alliance of Latin American Students (ALAS). It got to the point that people in ALAS thought I was a QC student and were shocked to find out I was going to QCC.
My decision to attend QC was not solely based on the social scene there. After all, it's not as if QC is a bad school, academically. It actually had (and still has) a very good reputation and is one of the few "respected" schools in the CUNY system.
I applied for a transfer during the summer. I didn't get a letter from CUNY Central telling me whether the transfer was accepted or not. Instead, I received a phone call from the Director of Admissions at QC (to this day, I wish I could remember her name). She wanted to interview me in person. I was surprised and excited. I didn't know what to expect but, even though I was extremely nervous, I figured this must be a good sign.
I walk into her office and I'm greeting by a friendly woman. She asks me to take a seat and proceeds to tell me that she has been looking over my application repeatedly. Immediately, my heart sank. I began wondering why I was even called here in the first place. This was a waste of my time! She's seen how badly I've done in QCC. She knows that I've been out of HS for so many years. I only had a B (maybe B-) average at Science. What do I really have going for me??
Well, it turns out... something in my application had caught her eye. Something that made her call me in for the interview. Something that she couldn't quite wrap her head around that caused her to want to meet me in person rather than make her decision based on what was on paper. She asked me how someone who graduated from Bronx Science could do so badly in QCC. Essentially, I explained that I didn't feel QCC was the place for me. I explained having visited QC and feeling a sense of belonging there. She reasoned, aloud, that I wasn't being challenged academically and I hadn't realized that until she said it. It was the first ray of sunshine in what had been a cloudy collegiate experience for me.
She reviewed my SAT scores (which, for the record, were quite good) and told me that my academic pedigree was strong. She understood why I didn't do well at QCC and she was willing to give me a chance to succeed at QC. This was based on a hunch. An intuition that she had gotten after speaking to me for about 10-15 minutes. I could not believe what had just happened. I was going to attend Queens College!
After completing a few formalities such as writing a short reply to a generic question she had prepared (to prove I can write in English) and filling out some forms, I was officially a QC student. The director then made me promise to follow up with her every semester to let her know how I was progressing. I easily agreed to this condition. After all, this woman had just changed my life!! In hindsight, she changed it in more ways than I could have EVER imagined.
I'll talk about my time at QC some other time but I did want to say one more thing about the QC Admissions Director. I successfully completed my first semester at QC the following fall and was beginning to erase the memory of QCC on my record. I made arrangements to swing by the Director's office in January. It was after the new year but before the start of the spring semester. When I walked into the Admissions Office, I learned that she had transferred to another school and was no longer working at QC. I was disappointed since I really did want to give her a progress report and to thank her for letting me transfer to QC.
If she could only see me now: a graduate of the MA program at QC and teaching other QC students. I don't know where she is now and I am fairly certain she isn't reading this entry but THANK YOU! Thank you for for believing in me and for taking the chance on me. It was just what I needed and I don't know where I would be without you!!
Until next time, faithful reader......
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
48 Hours (the June 6-7 Edition)
Ladies and gents, now that was one helluva weekend!!!
I had a pretty packed weekend and loved every second of it. I got to do 4 different activities with 4 different social circles! Apparently, diversity was the theme of the weekend!
Let's review how things went down:
Saturday (6/6) - MORNING:
Drove to Belmont Park to watch the 141st running of the Belmont Stakes (the 3rd leg of horse racing's Triple Crown)! An old HS friend had an extra ticket and I was the first to step up to take it off his hands. I've always wanted to go to the three major races of the year (Kentucky Derby and the Preakness are the other two for those of you who don't know) and finally got to check one off my To-Do-List. =)
There was also the chance that Calvin Borel would be the first person to win horse racing's Triple Crown on two different horses. He won the Kentucky Derby on Mine That Bird and won the Preakness riding Rachel Alexandra (the first filly to win at Pimlico in 85 years). On this day, Borel would be back on the morning favorite, Mine That Bird.
I arrived with plenty of time to go over the past performances for the horses in the first few races. Post time for the first race was roughly 11:30am and I stayed until the finish of the Belmont Stakes (race #11 on the day with a post time of 6:30pm). I did place some bets throughout the day. I won early and won some on the big race but overall it was a net loss. Oh well, that's why they call it gambling. There were 2 other races after the Belmont Stakes but I had plans for the night and wanted to get home, have a decent meal, get a workout in, before going out. The lack of funds with which to gamble also played a major role in that decision, sadly... haha.
[Oh, for those of you wondering, Calvin Borel was NOT able to make history on this evening. Mine That Bird's half-brother Summer Bird win the big race taking the lead with about 1/8 mile left. Mine That Bird finished 3rd.]
NIGHT:
Saturday was a friend's birthday and I had been looking to hang out with her and the rest of the crew. She's been working so hard finishing up grad school (Columbia University, tyvm) that she's pretty much been MIA for most of the last year and a half. If it wasn't for Facebook and the major gatherings in that time (the Asqui wedding, BBQ, etc), I may not have ever seen her at all in that time. I got a ride from my friend who agreed to be my designated driver for the night only because he says he's been boozing too much lately and wanted to keep his alcohol intake to a minimum (better for me!).
When we arrived at the bar/lounge, it was pretty empty and the DJ was mediocre at best. Not simply because of his song choices but his transitions were bad as well. Most of you who know me personally know I do NOT dance. I get more enjoyment from the people I'm around and the music that's being played. A bad DJ can ruin my night faster than a drunk chick vomiting on my leg (which thankfully has never happened to me). This was shaping up to be a difficult night for me because I love the people I was hanging with but the DJ was really ruining it for me. I realized that leaving to another spot was NOT an option so I only had two choices left: (1) drink MUCH more or (2) take a breather and regroup. I went with option #2.
I decided to leave the lounge for a few minutes and go for a walk to collect myself. I reminded myself I was there for my homegirl's b-day and shouldn't let one bad DJ ruin that. I also didn't want to be everyone else's buzzkill. I came back and decided to get another drink and make the most of the night.
When I got back something miraculous occurred. Around 2 am... the DJ actually developed some skills. I don't know if someone came by and handed him a CD with pre-recorded mixes or if he was "saving his good stuff" for the end of the night but I was having an AMAZING time! There was a good mix of all music... even a little Spanish Rock which warmed my soul ("...y yo estoy aquí... borracho y loco!!!....")
Keeping in touch on fb with new friends during my walk, enjoying good company in person at the lounge, and loving life by the end of the night! I can't expect Sunday to top this!
Sunday (6/7) - MORNING:
I get to finally play some softball this 2009 season!!! We were set to start at noon so I had the chance able to sleep in a little... or so I thought. That was until I woke up really really angry at 9:30am. I was upset because I had missed my flight on Lufthansa. And the stupid employee at the gate didn't even try and help me out when I was trying to figure out what my options were.
At least that's how things went down in my dream. I had such a vivid recollection of the dream, I swore it really happened to me. It wasn't until I was awake for a few minutes that I realized it was a dream. Very strange feeling... that's never happened to me before.
AFTERNOON:
Game time!! I barely got any warm-up throws and had NO BATTING practice whatsoever so, needless to say, the first game of our annual ALAS v Bookstore battle was not a shining moment for yours truly. I got overanxious at the plate, had very opportunities to make any defensive plays at third base (my fave position), and just felt really rusty in Game 1.
Game 2 was a different story as I swung the bat a little better and even had a chance to pitch as well. There were at least 2 innings I can recall clearly where my team got two quick outs to start the inning and then an error on a potential 3rd out led to rallies of three runs or more. Oh well, can't win 'em all!
Are we gonna do this again next week, fellas? Lemme know!!!
EVENING:
My sister was freaking out a little when she saw my Facebook status indicating I was playing softball. You see, folks. She had called me earlier in the week asking if I wanted to go with her to a concert at Jones Beach. I'm not one to turn down a free ticket and a chance to hang with the baby sis. I asked her who was performing and she tells me Nine Inch Nails and Jane's Addiction.
I know she's a huge JA fan (an old friend of hers put her on to them several years ago). I only knew a handful of songs by JA and NIN. I figured the best way to introduce myself to a full discography of these bands was to see them perform their songs live. The thought of being around crazed white kids with pent up rage did concern me for about 3 seconds but I told her "I'm down".
After reading my status on Facebook Sunday afternoon, my sis starts panicking as if I won't be able to make the show (now would be a good time to mention that she doesn't drive and didn't want to go alone). I reassured her that I would make it as long as she met me in Queens. All I would need is time to shower, eat something, and we'd be good to go.
I did just that and she met me at my place. Despite leaving "late", we got to the Jones Beach Theater at 7:30pm for a show that was scheduled to start at 7. I tried telling her 7:30 was NOT late but she just didn't want to miss JA. Needless to say, the show had not begun yet. I had overlooked one tiny detail that would come back to haunt me by the end of the night. I was underdressed for an outdoor, night time concert by the ocean. All I had on was a t-shirt and shorts. The shorts were not an issue but my upper body was FREEZING for more than half the show. My hoodie would have done me a world of good!
NIN opened the show at 7:50 and at one point in their set Trent Reznor told the crowd they were keeping the bullshit to a minimum so they could get in as much music as possible. Thank God for a band that GETS IT!!
I'd like to take this time to recognize the polite girl sitting in front of us who turned around to ask "Is the smell bothering you?" At first, I wondered "What smell?" Despite not smelling anything, I quickly realized what she meant. We're in an OUTDOOR venue. At a rock concert. I EXPECTED there to be a huge cloud over the seats (and not from the smoke machines)! I assured her it would not be a problem at all. She later turned around to ask (with her bloodshot blue eyes) if it would be alright for her to stand up. Really dude?? Go for it!!! Just don't be a dick about it and abuse it, you know? My sis is a short girl and if she stands up, she won't be able to see over you and your boyfriend. (FYI, they didn't abuse it)
Any who.... NIN did their thing... great start to the show!
About a half hour later, JA came on stage. But I was not in my seat. No. I was on a freaking line. For the men's room. For almost 25 minutes!!! How insane is that!?!? Thankfully, I was almost inside but I didn't get to see the excitement on my sis' face when they first came out. I have a mental picture of how it probably looked. I'll have to live with that.
I have to admit, despite how much fun JA's lead singer, Perry Farrell, had performing his set (my sis and I were SURE he was higher than the full moon), NIN was the better band on this night (Sorry, sis... lol).
After the contact high wore off, I drove my sis home (in Brooklyn) and made it back to my house (in Queens) around 1am. A great end to a wonderful weekend.
Until next time, faithful reader......
I had a pretty packed weekend and loved every second of it. I got to do 4 different activities with 4 different social circles! Apparently, diversity was the theme of the weekend!
Let's review how things went down:
Saturday (6/6) - MORNING:
Drove to Belmont Park to watch the 141st running of the Belmont Stakes (the 3rd leg of horse racing's Triple Crown)! An old HS friend had an extra ticket and I was the first to step up to take it off his hands. I've always wanted to go to the three major races of the year (Kentucky Derby and the Preakness are the other two for those of you who don't know) and finally got to check one off my To-Do-List. =)
There was also the chance that Calvin Borel would be the first person to win horse racing's Triple Crown on two different horses. He won the Kentucky Derby on Mine That Bird and won the Preakness riding Rachel Alexandra (the first filly to win at Pimlico in 85 years). On this day, Borel would be back on the morning favorite, Mine That Bird.
I arrived with plenty of time to go over the past performances for the horses in the first few races. Post time for the first race was roughly 11:30am and I stayed until the finish of the Belmont Stakes (race #11 on the day with a post time of 6:30pm). I did place some bets throughout the day. I won early and won some on the big race but overall it was a net loss. Oh well, that's why they call it gambling. There were 2 other races after the Belmont Stakes but I had plans for the night and wanted to get home, have a decent meal, get a workout in, before going out. The lack of funds with which to gamble also played a major role in that decision, sadly... haha.
[Oh, for those of you wondering, Calvin Borel was NOT able to make history on this evening. Mine That Bird's half-brother Summer Bird win the big race taking the lead with about 1/8 mile left. Mine That Bird finished 3rd.]
NIGHT:
Saturday was a friend's birthday and I had been looking to hang out with her and the rest of the crew. She's been working so hard finishing up grad school (Columbia University, tyvm) that she's pretty much been MIA for most of the last year and a half. If it wasn't for Facebook and the major gatherings in that time (the Asqui wedding, BBQ, etc), I may not have ever seen her at all in that time. I got a ride from my friend who agreed to be my designated driver for the night only because he says he's been boozing too much lately and wanted to keep his alcohol intake to a minimum (better for me!).
When we arrived at the bar/lounge, it was pretty empty and the DJ was mediocre at best. Not simply because of his song choices but his transitions were bad as well. Most of you who know me personally know I do NOT dance. I get more enjoyment from the people I'm around and the music that's being played. A bad DJ can ruin my night faster than a drunk chick vomiting on my leg (which thankfully has never happened to me). This was shaping up to be a difficult night for me because I love the people I was hanging with but the DJ was really ruining it for me. I realized that leaving to another spot was NOT an option so I only had two choices left: (1) drink MUCH more or (2) take a breather and regroup. I went with option #2.
I decided to leave the lounge for a few minutes and go for a walk to collect myself. I reminded myself I was there for my homegirl's b-day and shouldn't let one bad DJ ruin that. I also didn't want to be everyone else's buzzkill. I came back and decided to get another drink and make the most of the night.
When I got back something miraculous occurred. Around 2 am... the DJ actually developed some skills. I don't know if someone came by and handed him a CD with pre-recorded mixes or if he was "saving his good stuff" for the end of the night but I was having an AMAZING time! There was a good mix of all music... even a little Spanish Rock which warmed my soul ("...y yo estoy aquí... borracho y loco!!!....")
Keeping in touch on fb with new friends during my walk, enjoying good company in person at the lounge, and loving life by the end of the night! I can't expect Sunday to top this!
Sunday (6/7) - MORNING:
I get to finally play some softball this 2009 season!!! We were set to start at noon so I had the chance able to sleep in a little... or so I thought. That was until I woke up really really angry at 9:30am. I was upset because I had missed my flight on Lufthansa. And the stupid employee at the gate didn't even try and help me out when I was trying to figure out what my options were.
At least that's how things went down in my dream. I had such a vivid recollection of the dream, I swore it really happened to me. It wasn't until I was awake for a few minutes that I realized it was a dream. Very strange feeling... that's never happened to me before.
AFTERNOON:
Game time!! I barely got any warm-up throws and had NO BATTING practice whatsoever so, needless to say, the first game of our annual ALAS v Bookstore battle was not a shining moment for yours truly. I got overanxious at the plate, had very opportunities to make any defensive plays at third base (my fave position), and just felt really rusty in Game 1.
Game 2 was a different story as I swung the bat a little better and even had a chance to pitch as well. There were at least 2 innings I can recall clearly where my team got two quick outs to start the inning and then an error on a potential 3rd out led to rallies of three runs or more. Oh well, can't win 'em all!
Are we gonna do this again next week, fellas? Lemme know!!!
EVENING:
My sister was freaking out a little when she saw my Facebook status indicating I was playing softball. You see, folks. She had called me earlier in the week asking if I wanted to go with her to a concert at Jones Beach. I'm not one to turn down a free ticket and a chance to hang with the baby sis. I asked her who was performing and she tells me Nine Inch Nails and Jane's Addiction.
I know she's a huge JA fan (an old friend of hers put her on to them several years ago). I only knew a handful of songs by JA and NIN. I figured the best way to introduce myself to a full discography of these bands was to see them perform their songs live. The thought of being around crazed white kids with pent up rage did concern me for about 3 seconds but I told her "I'm down".
After reading my status on Facebook Sunday afternoon, my sis starts panicking as if I won't be able to make the show (now would be a good time to mention that she doesn't drive and didn't want to go alone). I reassured her that I would make it as long as she met me in Queens. All I would need is time to shower, eat something, and we'd be good to go.
I did just that and she met me at my place. Despite leaving "late", we got to the Jones Beach Theater at 7:30pm for a show that was scheduled to start at 7. I tried telling her 7:30 was NOT late but she just didn't want to miss JA. Needless to say, the show had not begun yet. I had overlooked one tiny detail that would come back to haunt me by the end of the night. I was underdressed for an outdoor, night time concert by the ocean. All I had on was a t-shirt and shorts. The shorts were not an issue but my upper body was FREEZING for more than half the show. My hoodie would have done me a world of good!
NIN opened the show at 7:50 and at one point in their set Trent Reznor told the crowd they were keeping the bullshit to a minimum so they could get in as much music as possible. Thank God for a band that GETS IT!!
I'd like to take this time to recognize the polite girl sitting in front of us who turned around to ask "Is the smell bothering you?" At first, I wondered "What smell?" Despite not smelling anything, I quickly realized what she meant. We're in an OUTDOOR venue. At a rock concert. I EXPECTED there to be a huge cloud over the seats (and not from the smoke machines)! I assured her it would not be a problem at all. She later turned around to ask (with her bloodshot blue eyes) if it would be alright for her to stand up. Really dude?? Go for it!!! Just don't be a dick about it and abuse it, you know? My sis is a short girl and if she stands up, she won't be able to see over you and your boyfriend. (FYI, they didn't abuse it)
Any who.... NIN did their thing... great start to the show!
About a half hour later, JA came on stage. But I was not in my seat. No. I was on a freaking line. For the men's room. For almost 25 minutes!!! How insane is that!?!? Thankfully, I was almost inside but I didn't get to see the excitement on my sis' face when they first came out. I have a mental picture of how it probably looked. I'll have to live with that.
I have to admit, despite how much fun JA's lead singer, Perry Farrell, had performing his set (my sis and I were SURE he was higher than the full moon), NIN was the better band on this night (Sorry, sis... lol).
After the contact high wore off, I drove my sis home (in Brooklyn) and made it back to my house (in Queens) around 1am. A great end to a wonderful weekend.
Until next time, faithful reader......
Monday, May 4, 2009
Birthday Precursor (or B-day Hijinks - Part 1)
I've managed to finally recover from what had to have been the drunkest I've ever been (yes, my HS peeps, even more than that day on Harris Field) from one of the funnest and carefree birthday celebrations I've had.
The way early hours of my birthday went, I was seriously hoping that it would not be a foreshadowing of how the rest of the day would go.
A few days prior to my birthday, I had the bright idea to ring in the big day with a toast at midnight with several friends. Since it was all very last minute and people had to work the next morning (damn you, responsible folks! Killing my buzz before it even starts!), I ended up taking a ride to Brooklyn to enjoy a drink with my best bud, Jorge. It was likely that he wouldn't make my weekend festivities so I figured I'd bring the celebration to him. We've known each other for so long (damn, dude has it really been 20-plus years?!?!) and celebrating a b-day without him is still a foreign idea to me.
I made the drive down the BQE after teaching my night class (no, I did NOT let them out early, though I was tempted). My travel was somewhat delayed due to construction by the northern end of the Gowanus Expressway. Fortunately, I made it to Jorge's place around the time I had initially anticipated (close to 11PM).
Rather than hitting up one of the dive bars in Bay Ridge/Bensonhurst, I suggested we drive up to Park Slope for a place with a bit of ambiance. What I didn't consider was that there ARE NO actual BARS/PUBS in Park Slope. Almost all of the establishments in that area are restaurants/bars and when the kitchen closes, the place closes. I became increasingly frustrated as we drove up and down 5th and 7th Avenues seeing only closed storefronts. I found out later that just about every place closes at 11PM midweek in Park Slope. How annoying. I'm beginning to HATE Brooklyn.
Jorge then offered an excellent idea. Why not swing by downtown Brooklyn? We reasoned that there should be an open bar somewhere on Flatbush Avenue. After driving a few blocks on Flatbush, we began to question the logic behind this decision. That was, until we saw an Applebee's. Resigned to the fact that we may not find anything better, we pulled up and parked. When we tried to open the door we were surprised to find it locked. You see, all this driving around killed about an hour and it was now 5 minutes after midnight. On this particular night, Applebee's closed their doors at midnight.
All I wanted was a freaking drink at midnight. A midnight toast to ring in the ol' b-day. AAARRRGGGHHH!!!! (Yes, just like Charlie Brown... lol)
We decided the dive bars around his way were the last places we would visit but going to a diner may be the next best available option. On our first attempt, we found a diner where we could have a small meal and, thankfully, a drink or two from the bar. I ordered myself a Tequila Sunrise and J had a Whiskey Sour.
Shortly after ordering my drink, I proclaimed: "I have experienced so much disappointment after disappointment tonight, I'm just happy this drink will have some alcohol in it. But I still expect it to taste like ass."
Thankfully, the drink was wonderful. Good enough to order a second one, which I drank while eating my spinach/cheese omelette. I know that may not sound very appetizing to some of you but, trust me, it went surprisingly well.
My sister called me while we were eating and I got to speak to her for a little while which was nice. Don't get to speak to her as often as I would like. I'm just not a phone person. What can I say...
Reflecting back on the last night start to my birthday, although it didn't turn out the way I had originally planned, I had a great time with those close to me (even if one was via phone). I didn't know how the rest of the day would turn out, but I knew that if this was a foreshadowing, I was in for a fun-filled birthday.
But, I had to survive another work day first. Keep in mind, it was around 3AM when we left the diner (and close to 4 when I finally got home), I didn't expect to be productive at work the next day AT ALL.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Other memorable quotes from the late night "pre b-day" outing:
(1) "That looks more less gay."
(2) "I don't think "Argh, fuck you motherfucker" is pirate speak."
(3) "Brooklyn is f'n whack!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Ahhhh... good times, good times. HAHAHA... I guess you had to have been there.
Until next time, faithful reader......
The way early hours of my birthday went, I was seriously hoping that it would not be a foreshadowing of how the rest of the day would go.
A few days prior to my birthday, I had the bright idea to ring in the big day with a toast at midnight with several friends. Since it was all very last minute and people had to work the next morning (damn you, responsible folks! Killing my buzz before it even starts!), I ended up taking a ride to Brooklyn to enjoy a drink with my best bud, Jorge. It was likely that he wouldn't make my weekend festivities so I figured I'd bring the celebration to him. We've known each other for so long (damn, dude has it really been 20-plus years?!?!) and celebrating a b-day without him is still a foreign idea to me.
I made the drive down the BQE after teaching my night class (no, I did NOT let them out early, though I was tempted). My travel was somewhat delayed due to construction by the northern end of the Gowanus Expressway. Fortunately, I made it to Jorge's place around the time I had initially anticipated (close to 11PM).
Rather than hitting up one of the dive bars in Bay Ridge/Bensonhurst, I suggested we drive up to Park Slope for a place with a bit of ambiance. What I didn't consider was that there ARE NO actual BARS/PUBS in Park Slope. Almost all of the establishments in that area are restaurants/bars and when the kitchen closes, the place closes. I became increasingly frustrated as we drove up and down 5th and 7th Avenues seeing only closed storefronts. I found out later that just about every place closes at 11PM midweek in Park Slope. How annoying. I'm beginning to HATE Brooklyn.
Jorge then offered an excellent idea. Why not swing by downtown Brooklyn? We reasoned that there should be an open bar somewhere on Flatbush Avenue. After driving a few blocks on Flatbush, we began to question the logic behind this decision. That was, until we saw an Applebee's. Resigned to the fact that we may not find anything better, we pulled up and parked. When we tried to open the door we were surprised to find it locked. You see, all this driving around killed about an hour and it was now 5 minutes after midnight. On this particular night, Applebee's closed their doors at midnight.
All I wanted was a freaking drink at midnight. A midnight toast to ring in the ol' b-day. AAARRRGGGHHH!!!! (Yes, just like Charlie Brown... lol)
We decided the dive bars around his way were the last places we would visit but going to a diner may be the next best available option. On our first attempt, we found a diner where we could have a small meal and, thankfully, a drink or two from the bar. I ordered myself a Tequila Sunrise and J had a Whiskey Sour.
Shortly after ordering my drink, I proclaimed: "I have experienced so much disappointment after disappointment tonight, I'm just happy this drink will have some alcohol in it. But I still expect it to taste like ass."
Thankfully, the drink was wonderful. Good enough to order a second one, which I drank while eating my spinach/cheese omelette. I know that may not sound very appetizing to some of you but, trust me, it went surprisingly well.
My sister called me while we were eating and I got to speak to her for a little while which was nice. Don't get to speak to her as often as I would like. I'm just not a phone person. What can I say...
Reflecting back on the last night start to my birthday, although it didn't turn out the way I had originally planned, I had a great time with those close to me (even if one was via phone). I didn't know how the rest of the day would turn out, but I knew that if this was a foreshadowing, I was in for a fun-filled birthday.
But, I had to survive another work day first. Keep in mind, it was around 3AM when we left the diner (and close to 4 when I finally got home), I didn't expect to be productive at work the next day AT ALL.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Other memorable quotes from the late night "pre b-day" outing:
(1) "That looks more less gay."
(2) "I don't think "Argh, fuck you motherfucker" is pirate speak."
(3) "Brooklyn is f'n whack!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Ahhhh... good times, good times. HAHAHA... I guess you had to have been there.
Until next time, faithful reader......
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
Legacy
I'd like to welcome to my new readers and welcome back my loyal followers,
A good friend started working with Jose Cuervo recently. Yes, the tequila company and not some individual with the same name. Earlier today, he commented (via his Facebook status) about how he tasted one of their brands of tequila and it made me think about my grandparents.
My maternal grandfather owned a plenty of land in Portugal when my mother was young. Included in his list of properties was a vineyard where he grew his own grapes and made his own wine. He had a large staff that would perform most of the manual labor in the vineyards - cultivating the grapes, picking them, and processing them. The wines were bottled and sold regionally. The family has since sold the vineyard and it's part of some large conglomerate in Portugal.
My paternal grandfather worked at the Bavaria brewery in Colombia. [If you're curious about the brewery's timeline in Colombia, click here] His position with the brewery is the equivalent of what would now be considered the Quality Control specialist. Essentially, he spent his days drinking different batches of beer and putting his stamp of approval on beer before it was bottled. The brewery is still there but I don't think any of my relatives are employed with them any more.
You'd figure with this legacy of wine and beer in my family's history I would be a connoisseur of either wine or beer, if not both. Sadly, I'm not. This is not to say I don't appreciate a good beer or wine but I know very little about the different varieties, types, styles, tastes, etc. of wine and/or beer.
Growing up, my parents didn't really have much of an influence on my ability to discern good wine/beer from bad ones. My parents had simple tastes and a limited budget. They drank what they liked and what they were familiar with. My father may have drank different types of alcohol but he drank the same brands. Also, his taste buds were shot from decades of smoking. If tabasco sauce barely registers on your tongue and you can eat jalapeño peppers (seeds, pith, and all) in a few bites, it's not merely being accustomed to the taste and 'heat'. He barely sensed it at all! My mother also had a select few brands of wines that she would drink and wasn't much of a beer/liquor drinker. She'd have the occasional cocktail at a party but wasn't adventurous at all.
When I first started going out, I also stuck with what I knew.
--Beers: Coronas. Coors Light. Sagres (if I was at a function with my mom's family). Budweiser (if nothing else was around - just to have a beer in hand).
--Wines: To me, all reds were the same and whites were kinda sissy even though they went decently with seafood dishes.
--Liquors: Long Island Iced Teas to get you f'd up quicker (an easy way to get the 'poor man's buzz'). Rum and Coke (because a friend once told me they're really easy to make and hard to mess up).
After a few years, I explored other alcoholic beverages... more on the liquor end of the alcoholic spectrum: Red Devils (an suitable, if somewhat girly, alternative to the LI Iced Teas); White Russians; Anything with Kahlua!; Mojitos (mint in a drink? I was perplexed at first since I couldn't imagine how it could possibly work); I discovered the wonders and horrors of tequila - I understood why so many people avoided it (taste and the 'next day' effects) and why so few liked it; also, Aguardiente (as an expression of my Colombian-ness!).
However, without a 'guide', I was a blind man being led by other blind folks. My friends knew what they liked and also didn't seem to explore beyond those boundaries. I did what I could to try new drinks: incorporating them into Jello was my initial fascination but learning how to make 'party' drinks was also fun (punch, margaritas, etc.)
In recent years, I've decided to take some initiative and try buying different types of red wines. I did this to explore the differences between each type of wine and also to see if there really IS a difference between 'cheap' and 'expensive' wines. I don't feel I'm ready for a wine tasting session yet but definitely have that in my sights for the near future.
Though I may be viniculturally challenged, it was my personal exploration into reds that led me to discover my sangria recipe. The BFS actually ("Best Fn Sangria"). It's a labor of love but everyone that has tried it has given me very positive feedback thus far. I'm constantly looking to improve upon the original recipe and some tweaks have worked while other haven't. Though I have friends who can whip up a quick sangria (and delicious) at the bar, I'm a big believer that a better sangria can be made if the ingredients are given the chance to sit and "get to know each other a little" - preferably overnight but it can be for as few as 4 hours or so.
I was also introduced to Belgian beers by a friend earlier this year (didn't 2009 just start?!?!?), . I realized I have a lot to learn about beer and may have to include a beer tasting in my future as well. Maybe a few beerfests are what I need this summer/fall. Not just to get sloshed but to enjoy the different tastes and qualities of each type of beer.
Maybe the ghosts of my grandfathers can stop by once in a while and provide me with some guidance as well. Or maybe that would be insanely creepy and would scare the bejeezus outta me!! (Hmmm... be careful what you wish for, Alan...) I'll be sure to let you all know if I get any 'late night visitors'.
Until next time, faithful reader.......
A good friend started working with Jose Cuervo recently. Yes, the tequila company and not some individual with the same name. Earlier today, he commented (via his Facebook status) about how he tasted one of their brands of tequila and it made me think about my grandparents.
My maternal grandfather owned a plenty of land in Portugal when my mother was young. Included in his list of properties was a vineyard where he grew his own grapes and made his own wine. He had a large staff that would perform most of the manual labor in the vineyards - cultivating the grapes, picking them, and processing them. The wines were bottled and sold regionally. The family has since sold the vineyard and it's part of some large conglomerate in Portugal.
My paternal grandfather worked at the Bavaria brewery in Colombia. [If you're curious about the brewery's timeline in Colombia, click here] His position with the brewery is the equivalent of what would now be considered the Quality Control specialist. Essentially, he spent his days drinking different batches of beer and putting his stamp of approval on beer before it was bottled. The brewery is still there but I don't think any of my relatives are employed with them any more.
You'd figure with this legacy of wine and beer in my family's history I would be a connoisseur of either wine or beer, if not both. Sadly, I'm not. This is not to say I don't appreciate a good beer or wine but I know very little about the different varieties, types, styles, tastes, etc. of wine and/or beer.
Growing up, my parents didn't really have much of an influence on my ability to discern good wine/beer from bad ones. My parents had simple tastes and a limited budget. They drank what they liked and what they were familiar with. My father may have drank different types of alcohol but he drank the same brands. Also, his taste buds were shot from decades of smoking. If tabasco sauce barely registers on your tongue and you can eat jalapeño peppers (seeds, pith, and all) in a few bites, it's not merely being accustomed to the taste and 'heat'. He barely sensed it at all! My mother also had a select few brands of wines that she would drink and wasn't much of a beer/liquor drinker. She'd have the occasional cocktail at a party but wasn't adventurous at all.
When I first started going out, I also stuck with what I knew.
--Beers: Coronas. Coors Light. Sagres (if I was at a function with my mom's family). Budweiser (if nothing else was around - just to have a beer in hand).
--Wines: To me, all reds were the same and whites were kinda sissy even though they went decently with seafood dishes.
--Liquors: Long Island Iced Teas to get you f'd up quicker (an easy way to get the 'poor man's buzz'). Rum and Coke (because a friend once told me they're really easy to make and hard to mess up).
After a few years, I explored other alcoholic beverages... more on the liquor end of the alcoholic spectrum: Red Devils (an suitable, if somewhat girly, alternative to the LI Iced Teas); White Russians; Anything with Kahlua!; Mojitos (mint in a drink? I was perplexed at first since I couldn't imagine how it could possibly work); I discovered the wonders and horrors of tequila - I understood why so many people avoided it (taste and the 'next day' effects) and why so few liked it; also, Aguardiente (as an expression of my Colombian-ness!).
However, without a 'guide', I was a blind man being led by other blind folks. My friends knew what they liked and also didn't seem to explore beyond those boundaries. I did what I could to try new drinks: incorporating them into Jello was my initial fascination but learning how to make 'party' drinks was also fun (punch, margaritas, etc.)
In recent years, I've decided to take some initiative and try buying different types of red wines. I did this to explore the differences between each type of wine and also to see if there really IS a difference between 'cheap' and 'expensive' wines. I don't feel I'm ready for a wine tasting session yet but definitely have that in my sights for the near future.
Though I may be viniculturally challenged, it was my personal exploration into reds that led me to discover my sangria recipe. The BFS actually ("Best Fn Sangria"). It's a labor of love but everyone that has tried it has given me very positive feedback thus far. I'm constantly looking to improve upon the original recipe and some tweaks have worked while other haven't. Though I have friends who can whip up a quick sangria (and delicious) at the bar, I'm a big believer that a better sangria can be made if the ingredients are given the chance to sit and "get to know each other a little" - preferably overnight but it can be for as few as 4 hours or so.
I was also introduced to Belgian beers by a friend earlier this year (didn't 2009 just start?!?!?), . I realized I have a lot to learn about beer and may have to include a beer tasting in my future as well. Maybe a few beerfests are what I need this summer/fall. Not just to get sloshed but to enjoy the different tastes and qualities of each type of beer.
Maybe the ghosts of my grandfathers can stop by once in a while and provide me with some guidance as well. Or maybe that would be insanely creepy and would scare the bejeezus outta me!! (Hmmm... be careful what you wish for, Alan...) I'll be sure to let you all know if I get any 'late night visitors'.
Until next time, faithful reader.......
Wednesday, December 24, 2008
Happy Holidays and Thank You's
This is a special holiday blog:
I'm not one to get caught up in the holiday spirit but I felt this needed to be said:
First, I'd like to take this time to thank all of my readers for checking out my lil' ol' blog. I never expected to get any readers outside of my home base here in Queens, NY. But I've had hits in CA, SC, HI, MN, Canada, and even Italy. To all of you, thank you! I hope you hang on tight and buckle yourselves in cuz this train ain't stoppin' any time soon! :)
Secondly, for this holiday season, I'd like to take some time to thank some people for being in my life. I won't name names - sorry to disappoint you. =)
To those of who who have had my back through the darkest of nights and the worst of storms; to those who have been fair-weather friends and those who kicked me when I was down; to those with whom I've shared my greatest triumphs and successes; to those who have broken my heart and caused me pain; to those who have shown me joy and taught me to love; to those who I have known my whole life and those who I've met recently; to those who I have lost touch with and those who I have reconnected with; to those who have offered me sage advice and those who have led me astray; to acquaintances I've known for brief moments and to those who will be in my life forever; to those who overreact to me and my ways to those who totally get me; to the wingmen and the cockblockers; to my alcoholics and my non-drinkers; and to those who I will grow apart from and those who I have yet to meet...
Thank you for being a part of my life. I do not take the time to measure how big or small your contribution has been because, ultimately, without any of you I would not be the man I am today.
My hope this Christmas (and holiday season) is that you recognize the impact that others have had in your lives and that you take some time out to appreciate them even if it's in a small way. I can't ask anyone to be anything more than who they are. And for that I appreciate you, reader. Thank you for taking time to visit my page.
During this holiday season, may your days be full of joy, hope and love, may your cups be full, and may you enjoy the time spent together with family and friends for these are the moments that create memories for a lifetime.
To you, faithful reader:
Merry Christmas. Happy Hanukkah. Happy Kwanzah.
Until next time......
P.S. Be sure to check out the Special Xmas edition of the MCB on the right column of this page.
I'm not one to get caught up in the holiday spirit but I felt this needed to be said:
First, I'd like to take this time to thank all of my readers for checking out my lil' ol' blog. I never expected to get any readers outside of my home base here in Queens, NY. But I've had hits in CA, SC, HI, MN, Canada, and even Italy. To all of you, thank you! I hope you hang on tight and buckle yourselves in cuz this train ain't stoppin' any time soon! :)
Secondly, for this holiday season, I'd like to take some time to thank some people for being in my life. I won't name names - sorry to disappoint you. =)
To those of who who have had my back through the darkest of nights and the worst of storms; to those who have been fair-weather friends and those who kicked me when I was down; to those with whom I've shared my greatest triumphs and successes; to those who have broken my heart and caused me pain; to those who have shown me joy and taught me to love; to those who I have known my whole life and those who I've met recently; to those who I have lost touch with and those who I have reconnected with; to those who have offered me sage advice and those who have led me astray; to acquaintances I've known for brief moments and to those who will be in my life forever; to those who overreact to me and my ways to those who totally get me; to the wingmen and the cockblockers; to my alcoholics and my non-drinkers; and to those who I will grow apart from and those who I have yet to meet...
Thank you for being a part of my life. I do not take the time to measure how big or small your contribution has been because, ultimately, without any of you I would not be the man I am today.
My hope this Christmas (and holiday season) is that you recognize the impact that others have had in your lives and that you take some time out to appreciate them even if it's in a small way. I can't ask anyone to be anything more than who they are. And for that I appreciate you, reader. Thank you for taking time to visit my page.
During this holiday season, may your days be full of joy, hope and love, may your cups be full, and may you enjoy the time spent together with family and friends for these are the moments that create memories for a lifetime.
To you, faithful reader:
Merry Christmas. Happy Hanukkah. Happy Kwanzah.
Until next time......
P.S. Be sure to check out the Special Xmas edition of the MCB on the right column of this page.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)