Lesson Learned?

I have been slowly unpacking a lot of my boxes. I have too much stuff and no where to put it. But I decided that I should go through some of these boxes to see what I can throw out (or sell on eBay and craigslist).

In one pile of old papers and notebooks I found some assignments I did back in junior high school. Among that pile o' junk I found Christmas cards I had gotten in the 7th grade. There was an envelope with a present drawn on it, meticulously colored in, and with the word "SUPRISE!" on the ribbon tied on the drawn gift box.

Inside the envelope was a nice card, presumably coming from a box of 15 other cards with similar designs and styles. From inside the card, out came a folded up note. The note was written in that neat penmanship - the kind of handwriting most girls seem to have in junior high school - on a small pink Hello Kitty notepad paper with tiny hearts along the top (where, incidentally, my name was spelled out with each letter inside it's own tiny heart).

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Alan,
You were right I do have some questions I'd like you to answer (You dont have to answer the questions if you dont want to but you do have to answer)
1) If you do like me wouldn't you want to know more about me? (If you want me to like you I would like to know more about you)
2) Why do you like me? (I know they are stupid questions but I have to get them out of my head)
P.S. Please answer them in a really answer if you know what I mean
P.P.S. Please write (or call) back

Love
S-----"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I found myself experiencing many mixed emotions as I processed what I had just read. This note was written almost 20 years ago. Why did I keep this card (and all my JHS junk) all this time? Why did this card/note re-appear in my life at this precise moment? What can I learn from this?

-- I was amused by how she told me I didn't have to answer... but I had to answer. =)
-- I have always claimed to be signal stupid and not someone who could gauge interest from women in my past. However, in hindsight, had I paid attention to what this girl was telling me in this note, my love life could have been different. Sometimes people want to know more about you because they find you interesting or are simply fishing for information. But it could also be that they might actually like you... not that this is the ONLY indicator but thinking back on moments in my life, I could have avoided confusion and missed opportunities had I learned this little lesson back in the 7th grade.
-- Why did I like her? An important question. Was it simply a physical attraction? Were there personality traits that drew me to her? These are not trivial details... but why DID I like her??...
-- The sad thing about this note is that I don't remember this girl. She isn't in my 8th grade yearbook (trust me, she isn't there. I checked... twice!) which means she probably switched schools at some point. *sigh* Yet another one of my JHS crushes abruptly exiting my life.
-- Nothing ever happened between me and this girl. I honestly cannot remember why... I don't think I ever answered this note. Is it possible I was a snob back then and was turned off by the fact she couldn't spell 'surprise' on the front of the card?? Did I get the card before the winter break and forgot all about the note by the time we came back to school?
-- The important thing about this note, for her, was that it gave her a chance to clean out the clutter from her head. I've realized this past holiday weekend that the clutter in my apartment isn't the only mess I'm dealing with. There is something I've been wrestling with lately and I'm using the emergence of this note as a catalyst for giving myself some piece of mind...

I've said it before and I'll say it again now: I'm a firm believer that coincidences aren't mere accidents. They occur in our lives for a purpose. We just need to be receptive to the reasons for these 'coincidences'. I don't claim to know why this happened to me now at this point in my life, but I do know it opened my eyes to something I should have taken care of a while ago.

Until next time, faithful reader......

Gratitude and Acknowledgments

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

In the spirit of the season, I'd like to take this time to express my gratitude and thank everyone who has had an impact in my life this past year (in no particular order, a.k.a. as you pop into my head):

My Twitter peeps - I shout you out first because in a year of craziness you guys and gals have provided me a modicum of sanity (by showing me how much crazier you all are!! LMAO). Thanks for letting me vent without judgment and criticism, for offering me feedback when I needed it, and for giving me my daily dose of entertainment.

INNER CIRCLE:
Alexis - To the man I've known the longest out of anyone in my entire life. We may not have our spontaneous Dunkin runs like we used to back in the day, but I still appreciate you being there for me at the end of 2008 when I was at an emotional low point (and when we broke the "Dunkin code"). Though we may not hang out as much as I'd like, I will always value our friendship and want you to know I will always have your back!

Jorge/Frans - These two guys are my road dogs for life. Words cannot adequately relate how much I value having you guys as friends. We have been there for each other through thick and thin for the majority of our lives and I hope this continues until we're old and gray.

Tito - You're irreplaceable, bro. Forever my Cuban/DR brother for life!! Thank you for always making me feel at home (going back to our PS148 days!). I don't see you nearly enough and plan to remedy that in the upcoming year. When will you be coming up to NYC?

JV - Despite all the time and distance between us, it still feels like yesterday every time we meet. Memories of Madrigal will never fail to bring a smile to my face. Hopefully, the New Year 2010 plans will pan out.

Liz - I'm always grateful for my 'twin' who is always there to lend an ear (and to come asking me for advice which she NEVER takes). When are you inviting me to one of your dozens of annual cruises?

Sofia - You aren't old enough to read this or even know what these words mean. But I need to tell you that you have no idea how much your smile brightens up my day. I can't help but laugh and smile every time I see the "Palpatine" video I took of you during one of my recent visits. Tio Alan loves you very much!

Valued Friends/Colleagues:
Jessie/Miko/Tara - I'm grateful for having you ladies back in my life. Even if it is only for a few drinks every few months, I feel grounded when hanging with you all and value your friendship as much today (if not more) I did back in the BxSci days.

ULF - For the road trips we took at the start of the year! I had a blast (even though it may not have seemed like it at times). OH... and for late-night murder burgers.

BJB - For Trivial Pursuit and Tanqueray (never again!!). I owe you a drink (at least one)! In loving memory of Jean Pierre... lol

ES/KL - For helping me out on the day I needed it most (when you could have been doing ANYTHING else) and for not throwing your relationship in my face.

J(w/a'K')D - a new friend who I've been comfortable enough to laugh with and share with. I hope we remain friends for years to come. May there be many more FU's in our future. =)

EZ/MdlS - For being my 'release valve' when I needed a shoulder to lean on or someone to listen when I was beginning to keep things inside again.

SL/JO - For Vegas. Nuff said.

CM - The greatest TA a professor could ask for. Thank you for making my life so much simpler this semester!!

D - For our weekly chats in the department that cause me to be late for class.

My colleagues at QC - To those of who who continue to support me and offer guidance when I need it, I am eternally grateful!

Family:
All my cousins (NMR, AR, NP, VP, among others) - I adore you all and am glad we've been able to reconnect this year. I hope we continue to grow closer.

Euli - Thank you for being a part of my life again. I'm sorry for the time I spent away from you and hope that we can continue growing closer and learning from each other for a very, very long time. Love you, baby sis.

Mom - For always keeping me grounded and reminding me how to love unconditionally. For showing me how to be strong in the face of adversity. For showing me how to remain positive even when the world seems to be crumbling down around you. For teaching me to appreciate the little things in life and to value contact with our family, even if it is only for a moment. I love you, Mom.

Dad - Wherever you are. I no longer hate you like I did before. And though I have not forgiven you, I often wonder what you're doing now. For better or worse, te quiero viejo. You helped shape who I am today. There's not a week that goes by that I don't think of you (though that's not always a good thing, sir).

~~~~~~~~~~

I am sure there are others who have been left off this list. Do not take offense for this does not mean I care for you any less. It was not a bout of negligence that led me to keep you off of this list but rather I blame my faulty memory. But those of you who have had a significant impact in my life this past year know who you are. If not, I'll do my best to remind you who you are in the coming days, weeks, and years.

I wish you all a happy and healthy Thanksgiving 2009. May your feast tonight be bountiful, your drinks plentiful, and your hearts full of love and joy this holiday weekend.

Until next time, faithful reader...

My New Apartment (Part 2)

Welcome back RaUM-nivores,

I need to back track for just a moment... There was one little detail that I may have overlooked in my previous post ("My New Apartment (Part 1)"). I had been looking for apartments for more than 6 weeks. But my search before those last 6 weeks had been half-hearted and full of optimism since the first apartment I viewed was a wonderful 1 bedroom apartment in Forest Hills. I assumed, having found that first apartment so quickly (and easily), that I would have no trouble finding another one JUST like it if I had to.

Now, I only had 2 weeks left in October and I needed to find an apartment ASAP. That Sunday (the 18th), I found a listing on craigslist.org for an apartment in Middle Village. It was less than $1,000/month and all the utilities were included. It was too good to be true in my opinion. My experience during this apartment hunt had been if it's too good to be true, it's because IT IS! But this place, though a little on the small side, was a nice little apartment with lots of natural light and it was in the same neighborhood (which I grew to love in my 3 years living there).

After meeting with the home owner, I practically committed to the place (after finding out that cable AND internet was also included at no additional charge). I was asked to come back to meet the owner's wife. I mentioned that my teaching schedule would prohibit me from stopping by at a reasonable hour in the evenings. We decided to meet later that week on Friday night.

The next day, Monday, after I was hit with a wave of curiosity I quickly browsed through a new list of apartments online. I saw a listing for a 1 BR apartment in Fresh Meadows which intrigued me. I decided to sneak a peek at an apartment in this neighborhood that I was somewhat familiar with since I had friends (Desiree and Carlos) that used to live there. I made an appointment to see the place on Tuesday before my evening class.

There must have been magic in the air that day. Or perhaps it was a convergence of cosmic forces. Something seemed to indicate it was a day I was destined to live through. A feeling more profound than deja vu. The one major surprise I had that day was running into Desiree while waiting for my appointment with the real estate broker. For some reason, she was in her old neighborhood (you see, her and Carlos had moved into their own home away from this area a while ago). She was in her car, her mom was riding shotgun, and her son was in his car seat in the back. I remember asking her what she was doing around there but she ended up asking me about why I was there, she told me about the broker I was meeting up with, and she gave me some tips on what to expect from him. It seemed like an odd coincidence at the time, but I've come to realize that in life we seldom experience mere coincidences. There is typically something more to those 'coincidences'. Why was it that I ran into her then and there, when I haven't seen her or spoken to her (or Carlos even) in several months?

A few minutes later, I was walking into a beautiful, spacious 1 BR apartment that I fell in love with immediately. The rent was reasonable and I liked everything about this place. It was the only apartment I had seen (other than the one in Forest Hills that I had seen a few months before) where I could envision myself living for years to come. Every other apartment I had seen had it's share of pros and cons. Ultimately they were all apartments that I knew I would either outgrow or get tired of living in after several months.

This was not a trivial detail. After all, this was the first apartment where I would be living on my own: my own space; my stuff; occupied by me, myself and I. Finding the right place was a huge decision for me. I've moved so much in my life that all I want is to feel settled, to have a place I can call my home. I didn't want to be hasty about selecting the "right" apartment.

This was the perfect fit. I knew it. Sure enough, in the span of an hour I had run into Des, I saw the apartment, and I was handing over a modest payment which was needed to 'hold' my apartment while they performed a credit and background check.

I remember running back to school that evening and wanting to share the news with someone. I didn't want to keep the news of my major decision to myself. Thankfully, I got to tell the good news to a friend of mine who happened to still be on campus that evening (and it was totally worth being late to my class for!)

Two days later, I was signing my lease (and also violating my #1 rule for apartment hunting, paying a broker's fee).

MY LEASE.

MY... LEASE...

...for my very own apartment. It was a moment of tremendous pride and joy for me.

~~~~~~~~~~

Stay tuned for the third (and final) part of my story where I regale you with tales from my last week in the old apartment, the move on Halloween weekend, and my first days in the new apartment.

Until next time, faithful reader......

My New Apartment (Part 1)

Hello there,

It certainly has been a while, hasn't it?

When I started writing this entry it was a week before Halloween. I was excited that I had finally found my next apartment. My bona fide bachelor pad. Then, the reality of having to pack, moving, and getting settled in the new place smacked me in the face. Hard!

Here's the story of my new apartment...

I had been actively looking for an apartment for almost 6 weeks. My roommate has found a place and moved out already. I was living alone in an apartment that was too big (and, frankly, too expensive) for just me. And even though I was alone, the apartment didn't feel like my own. It has been shared for several years and I couldn't shake the history that existed in that apartment. It would never be "MY" place no matter how long I lived there.

I spoke with my landlord in September and informed her I'd be forced to move (and thus breaking my lease). We agreed that, as long as they found someone to move in immediately, I wouldn't lose any part of my deposit.

I set a personal deadline of October 15th as my final day in the apartment. I figured I would find a place to move into by the 1st. This would give me two solid weeks to organized my things and move into the new apartment without having to rush. Well, Oct 1st passed and I started considering a quicker move. Perhaps I'd move on the weekend of the 15th instead. The stubborn old me wanted to stick to my self-imposed deadline. In the meantime, the landlord had people visiting my apartment every weekend. I didn't mind. If anything, I welcomed all the visitors. Every new person walking into my place was another potential resident who would assure me the full amount of my deposit.

Panic didn't set in until around the 15th. I hadn't been able to find a suitable apartment up to that point. Time was running out and I certainly didn't want to move in the winter. I've done a cold weather move before and it is BRUTAL. I definitely did NOT want to live through that again. Also, I didn't want my friends (those who would help me move) to deal with bad weather either.

That weekend, my landlord had set-up several appointments to view my apartment. I indicated to her that I wanted to move by Nov 1st. I had a concrete date now. A fixed deadline. I didn't want to back down on my word. I had to find a place... and soon!

(To be continued, faithful reader......)

RaUM's 1st Anniversary

I'll keep this brief.

Thank you to all of the readers who have been following my blog, from those of you who check in sporadically to those who have devoured every word, picture, and video posted on RaUM in the past 12 months. =)

When I started this blog last year I honestly never expected to continue writing for a sustained period of time as frequently as I have. I didn't expect my friends to read more than a handful of entries much less having strangers referred to my blog. I am humbled by the support I've received through this blog and it's become a part of my life now. I'm not sure how long it will last but, for now, I'm enjoying the ride. I'm grateful that you have decided to ride shotgun with me!

Thank you again, from the bottom of my heart! I appreciate your readership and hope you stick around a while longer.

Until next time, faithful reader......

(P.S. Now that I'm finally moved into the new apartment, it's safe to say that regular updates will resume this weekend.)