No. I don't mean Neo (from the Matrix).
I'm referring to "THE ONE": the ideal mate that we all are destined to meet, fall in love with, and have a happy and fulfilling life with!
In a recent conversation with my best friend, we discussed the concept of "the one". There are many people who want to live by this idea and use it as the yardstick with which to measure all potential mates. The danger in that way of thinking is that you may end up having expectations that are exceedingly high. So high, in fact, that no person could realistically meet them. This is not to say a person should settle for less than they feel they deserve but we need to bear in mind how irrational the idea of the perfect mate ("the one") truly is. These people may be closing the door on opportunities with a potentially great mate and maybe, if they're lucky enough, their future husband or wife.
This model of perfection is something that we use to highlight all the characteristics we want in a mate, both on the inside and the outside. Some people are more shallow than others and only care about the outside while others consider themselves people of substance, more concerned with the inner beauty in a potential mate.
I think my "one" is somewhere in between. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't a little shallow regarding looks but I also don't want someone supermodel-esque (nor would I turn it away, I'm not stupid!). I've always been more of a 'natural beauty' kind of guy. I'm a sucker for a beautiful smile. It's not just about having nice teeth but also having their heart and soul shine in their laughter and smile. No fakeness to it at all. I'm neither a "boob man" nor an "ass man". This is not to say I want a flat-chested, flat-assed woman. I'm a fan of shapely women. Nice hips and curves are extremely sexy to me. =)
I like women with a great sense of humor. Sarcasm is always welcome. The ability to laugh at yourself is critical. Also, my 'one' need to be able to dish it out a little. She is someone who will keep me on my toes. I'm a smart man (toot toot) and need a woman who is on my level and can keep up with me when I drop the occasional one-liner. If I have to explain myself it kills the whole purpose of the joke, innuendo, or statement.
I want a woman who isn't afraid to speak her mind no matter how mundane or intimate a subject is. My 'one' is an affectionate woman who won't keep me guessing how she feels about me, our relationship, or anything else important to her (or us). One other facet of 'the one' deals with our sexual desires and needs. I won't discuss this aspect of my 'one' on this blog. But if you're wondering, I know what I would like and dislike from my 'one' when it comes to sex/sexuality/sensuality/etc.
This, by no means, is the entire list. These are the characteristics that have come to my mind while writing this blog entry. But, to me (as I'm sure it is for most people), the list is quite exhaustive and ranges from the minimal traits to characteristics that are "deal-breakers" for certain people. I believe the best we can all hope for is someone who matches the majority of the characteristics we hope to find in "the one".
There is one other issue with idea of 'the one'. The truth of the matter is that there is no ACTUAL "one". 'The one' is constantly evolving as we grow older (and wiser?). Our needs, expectations, and likes/dislikes change with time and 'the one' changes with us. The people we meet, the events in our lives, and other social factors constantly influence us and causes us to re-evaluate what we value in our lives. It's very difficult to find a person who will change along with us in the way that we would like. To expect someone to change in every little way to meet our selfish desires is one of the major causes of break-ups among many of my friends.
I consider 'the one' to be more like 'the one right now'. We can't anticipate what will change within us. And that's part of the beauty of life and living. We don't know what tomorrow will bring. The best we can hope for is someone who is understanding enough to accept us for who we are and that he/she is someone that we can do the same for.
Thanks for listening. What's your take on this?
Look forward to hearing from you.
Until next time, faithful reader......
3 comments:
I agree with the fact that you can never tell for certain if you're going to want the same things tomorrow as you do today, and I think many relationships go on long after one or both parties' interests have changed. Its happened to me personally twice so far, and I know that one of the hardest things anyone can do is look into the eyes of somebody who you care about deeply and tell them it just isn't there anymore. In the end we can't control who we feel or what/who we are attracted to, we just have to go along for the ride and hope it all works out in the end. Sort of a "follow your nose" kind of thing.
One additional thought/comment (spurred on by a comment received from one of my 'faithful readers'):
I think our idea of 'the one' HAS to be skewed. It needs to be a hyper-realistic model of perfection. We then strive to find someone that comes as close to our ideal person as possible. The moment we lower our standards for our perception of 'the one', we could end up with someone that falls short of the lesser ideal (the 'lesser one' if you will).
I agree we should definately not settle for the "lesser one". I agree it should be a hyper-realistic (emphasis on realistic) ideal of the most important core charactertics. It should be related to things we hold most dear. When we go off creating extensive lists of our perfect mate, we might actually start writing off great matches as the "lesser ones".
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