Who is The One?

No. I don't mean Neo (from the Matrix).

I'm referring to "THE ONE": the ideal mate that we all are destined to meet, fall in love with, and have a happy and fulfilling life with!

In a recent conversation with my best friend, we discussed the concept of "the one". There are many people who want to live by this idea and use it as the yardstick with which to measure all potential mates. The danger in that way of thinking is that you may end up having expectations that are exceedingly high. So high, in fact, that no person could realistically meet them. This is not to say a person should settle for less than they feel they deserve but we need to bear in mind how irrational the idea of the perfect mate ("the one") truly is. These people may be closing the door on opportunities with a potentially great mate and maybe, if they're lucky enough, their future husband or wife.

This model of perfection is something that we use to highlight all the characteristics we want in a mate, both on the inside and the outside. Some people are more shallow than others and only care about the outside while others consider themselves people of substance, more concerned with the inner beauty in a potential mate.

I think my "one" is somewhere in between. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't a little shallow regarding looks but I also don't want someone supermodel-esque (nor would I turn it away, I'm not stupid!). I've always been more of a 'natural beauty' kind of guy. I'm a sucker for a beautiful smile. It's not just about having nice teeth but also having their heart and soul shine in their laughter and smile. No fakeness to it at all. I'm neither a "boob man" nor an "ass man". This is not to say I want a flat-chested, flat-assed woman. I'm a fan of shapely women. Nice hips and curves are extremely sexy to me. =)

I like women with a great sense of humor. Sarcasm is always welcome. The ability to laugh at yourself is critical. Also, my 'one' need to be able to dish it out a little. She is someone who will keep me on my toes. I'm a smart man (toot toot) and need a woman who is on my level and can keep up with me when I drop the occasional one-liner. If I have to explain myself it kills the whole purpose of the joke, innuendo, or statement.

I want a woman who isn't afraid to speak her mind no matter how mundane or intimate a subject is. My 'one' is an affectionate woman who won't keep me guessing how she feels about me, our relationship, or anything else important to her (or us). One other facet of 'the one' deals with our sexual desires and needs. I won't discuss this aspect of my 'one' on this blog. But if you're wondering, I know what I would like and dislike from my 'one' when it comes to sex/sexuality/sensuality/etc.

This, by no means, is the entire list. These are the characteristics that have come to my mind while writing this blog entry. But, to me (as I'm sure it is for most people), the list is quite exhaustive and ranges from the minimal traits to characteristics that are "deal-breakers" for certain people. I believe the best we can all hope for is someone who matches the majority of the characteristics we hope to find in "the one".

There is one other issue with idea of 'the one'. The truth of the matter is that there is no ACTUAL "one". 'The one' is constantly evolving as we grow older (and wiser?). Our needs, expectations, and likes/dislikes change with time and 'the one' changes with us. The people we meet, the events in our lives, and other social factors constantly influence us and causes us to re-evaluate what we value in our lives. It's very difficult to find a person who will change along with us in the way that we would like. To expect someone to change in every little way to meet our selfish desires is one of the major causes of break-ups among many of my friends.

I consider 'the one' to be more like 'the one right now'. We can't anticipate what will change within us. And that's part of the beauty of life and living. We don't know what tomorrow will bring. The best we can hope for is someone who is understanding enough to accept us for who we are and that he/she is someone that we can do the same for.

Thanks for listening. What's your take on this?
Look forward to hearing from you.

Until next time, faithful reader......

Playlist #5 (The Ultimate Freestyle), Road Observations + My New Job

"Maria... the most beautiful sound I've ever heard. Maria..."
"I wonder if I take you home, will you still be in love, baby..."
"Where are you tonight, my love? In the arms of another man..."
"There's no reason for you to cry, my love, 'cause I'll always be around..."

If these lyrics mean anything to you then this list is for you!!

This weekend I've got the Ultimate Freestyle playlist for your enjoyment. I'm taking you back!! My list will lay out the tracks that are the MUST HAVES for the short lived genre known as freestyle. In it's time (mid 80's thru the mid-90's), it was a musical alternative to pop, rap (it wasn't quite "hip hop" yet), rock/metal, and the sappy music that would later be labeled as "Adult Contemporary".

Freestyle was born out the confluence of R&B, "underground" house music, latin music, and rap. Most songs were produced and sung by Latinos but adopted by everyone who loved a hot beat and lyrics that shared stories of love, heartache, and good times!!!

[Special thanks to Desi, Chulo, J, Doom, Mari, and Lizbet for their feedback]

The Ultimate Freestyle playlist
Maria - TKA
Change On Me - Cynthia
Spring Love - Stevie B
Where Are You Tonight - Coro
No Reason To Cry - Judy Torres
Without You - George Lamond
Show Me - Cover Girls
Take Me In Your Arms - Lil' Suzy
Dreamboy/Dreamgirl - Cynthia and Johnny O
Wonder If I Take You Home - Lisa Lisa & Cult Jam
Within My Heart - Voyce
Silent Morning - Noel
Yo No Sé - Pajama Party
Love Letter - Giggles
Temptation - Corina
When I Hear Music - Debbie Deb
Let The Music Play - Shannon (credited as being the first freestyle single on the wikipedia entry for "freestyle")
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The Ultimate Freestyle Artists
Freestyle is unique in that there are a handful of artists that had tremendous success and who have many great songs the exemplify what freestyle is all about. Any songs by these artists are worth having in your freestyle collection:
- George Lamond
- Judy Torres
- Stevie B
- Cynthia
- TKA
- Cover Girls
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Honorable Mentions
Endless Night - Cynthia
Thief of Hearts - Cynthia
Bad of the Heart - George Lamond
Come into My Arms - Judy Torres
Diamond Girl - Nice and Wild
Together Forever - Lisette Melendez
In My Eyes - Stevie B
Can You Feel the Beat? - Lisa Lisa & Cult Jam
Crying Over You - Coro
Point of No Return - Expose
Sincerely Yours - Sweet Sensation

[All this freestyle is taking me back... =)
There were PLENTY of songs not listed here. You can begin anticipating the release of the follow up to the Ultimate Freestyle list early in the New Year]

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VALIDATION OF MY THEORY::
Three examples from a busy driving day on Saturday, Dec. 27th -

(1) A driver cuts from the right lane to the left lane on the BQE only to go slower than the surrounding traffic (driving just under 40mph when the limit is 55)... in the left f*****n lane!!! The left-most lane is known to many as the PASSING lane!!! Slow vehicles to the right, passing vehicles on the left. It's not really too hard to remember. What is wrong with these people??? When I look over to the driver of this car, I see A middle aged South Asian male.
(2) Earlier in the day, again on the BQE: To enter the highway at this particular section, you must first stop at a STOP sign then merge into the right-most lane. One especially stupid person decided (a few cars ahead of me) that after waiting at the stop sign, that it was a good idea to change lanes (into the middle lane of a three-lane road) BEFORE getting up to highway speed!!! Another driver in that middle lane, traveling at a reasonable HIGHWAY speed, had to practically slam on his/her brakes and swerve to their left to avoid hitting this car. Thankfully, no one was in that left lane, otherwise, we would have had a very messy situation. Who is driving the car ahead of me, you ask??? A young Asian woman!
(3) Another slow driver in the left most lane (once again on the BQE) holding up the flow of traffic. Everyone (including me) decides that it is better to pass this car to their right (as opposed to passing on the left). Who is driving said vehicle, you ask again?? A middle aged male.

Can't win 'em all, I guess. But like I said before... these people are the aberration not the rule. It's the 1 out of 20 that I expect to find. that means my my theory has held true 95% of the time. I'll take those odds any day.
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The brief story of my new job

Back Story - I have a friend who is a professor at Queens College [QC]. We actually became friends after I took a few of his classes and received a recommendation from him for a job on campus. He taught several electives in Sociology and one required course: Social Statistics. For a short time, I was the stats tutor for the department and I would see some his students and some students from other stats classes. It was during that time that I began noticing that I was making a real difference with the students I helped.

I stopped tutoring when I started in the Masters Program (in Sociology) at QC. People still came looking for me based on recommendations from friends of theirs, former stats students that had been at my tutoring sessions. While I was finishing my time in the MA program this past summer, I seriously considering teaching Sociology (specifically, stats). I knew several previous MA graduates that began teaching at QC as a springboard to something a bit more permanent in the "real world". My prof friend was one of the former grads that stuck around.

I had been asked repeatedly by some faculty members, who I happen to be friendly with, whether I would consider teaching in the Fall semester. I didn't think I was ready and I was more focused on completing my thesis, first and foremost. I also wanted to try and find a full time job. The last thing I wanted was to take on some classes during day time hours only to have a job offer come my way. I'd then be forced to either drop my day classes and potentially burn bridges or turn down the offer.

But now that my friend is newly married and planning to move out of the city, he lobbied to have me take over his courses in the Spring semester. And through some arm twisting and underhanded office politics, I managed to squirm my way into the position. OK, so it wasn't really that devious but I did ask some people to speak up on my behalf and it paid off. I e-mailed the chair of the department to let him know I was interested in teaching the evening stats class and the e-mail response was "Consider it done". I never thought it would be that easy!!

Now I'm scheduled to take over my friend's evening stats class and a day section for another faculty member who the department lost due to a severe illness and subsequent surgery. I'm going to keep working in that non-profit agency in Brooklyn, for better or worse, and simply enjoy the extra income from teaching. It will allow me to travel (which I have been DYING to do!!!!) and save some more money.

I'm leading the vanguard of new Soc Stats instructors at Queens College, bitches!!! Be ready for the revolution!

OK... maybe not. But I definitely feel like we've got a movement of some sort here. Built more out of necessity than anything else. And I know I will put my heart and soul into the class early on because I want these kids to learn. I want to know that I equipped them with the knowledge needed to use what they know in other Soc courses. Also, there are changes that will be made to stats in the next year or so and I will be there involved in the decision making process! Exciting times are ahead, folks. Stay tuned!!

Until next time faithful reader....

The Bad Driver Theory: Learning to Profile Dangerous Drivers

Hello once again! Welcome back,

Today, I present to you my theory on bad drivers. FYI, those of you who have known me for a while may have heard this already.

There is no part of the world where you can avoid bad driving behavior. It could be a lack of courtesy for others on the road, a lack of proper judgment, not knowing the basic rules of the road, or some combination of the three. It could be a driver who is going very slow in the passing lane. Other times, it is the idiot who speeds up to keep you from changing into their lane. Sometimes, it's the moron who "forgets" to signal before changing lanes repeatedly in the span of a few short minutes (the driver I like to call the "Frogger"). The list goes on and on.

In my time as a driver, I've tried to take a quick look at the offending driver to see if a pattern would emerge. Lo and behold!!! After a few weeks, it became apparent that there were, in fact, three specific groups that continued to appear in my informal observations.

Before I give you the three groups (and an explanation as to why each group produces such bad drivers), I need to briefly address some concerns about my theory. [If you are a sensible person, that is not easily offended by observations about the world around us, you can skip the next five points and jump straight to the theory] I have heard a handful of complaints from the people I target in this theory, so I feel now would be a good time to include some caveats before I proceed:
(1) The "data" gathered as I formulated this theory were not collected using any formal empirical methods. They are, simply, random observations made in my travels.
(2) These observations were made only while driving in NYC (not the entire 5 boroughs, mainly in Queens and parts of Brooklyn). This is important because it would be hard for me to say this theory applies universally. Although, I would love to hear other people's experiences to see if it holds any water outside of my local area.
(3) Most theories are attempts at defining universal truths. As such, any test of the theory must also hold up. Though I call it a theory, what I present to you below is not meant to be a conclusive list of factors that influence bad driving behaviors but simply serves as a roadmap (plz forgive the pun) for anyone looking to avoid potentially bad drivers.
(4) As a theory that attempts to label human behavior into easily identifiable categories, one must accept that human behavior is highly malleable due to changes in social norms and customs. This means that the theory must also change with the times. The theory (in its current form) only represents the behavior of bad drivers at the present time. It is likely that the "danger" groups may still apply for years or even decades to come. But, it is reasonable to assume that reinforcing the stereotypes of these three groups would allow this theory to survive longer than it should.
(5) Though I highlight select groups for my theory, I want you to understand that I am a big believer that there are exceptions to everything in life. That is no different in this theory. Not everyone who belongs in any of the three groups are necessarily bad drivers though someone in any of the groups are more likely to be a bad driver.

Now that I've appeased the whiny bitches who complained about my theory addressed the concerns in my legal disclaimer... ON TO THE THEORY!!!

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The Bad Driver Theory
I feel that the worst drivers on the road are the elderly, women, and Asians. Here's why:

Group 1 - The Elderly
Now I don't mean to target the elderly but...
I once worked at a car rental agency in the Upper East Side. There were many times when we would have older customers rent a car for one day or sometimes for a weekend. I will admit that most of our elderly customers did not fit the stereotypical profile of the helpless old folks. Yet there were always more "close calls" outside of our doors when these drivers were leaving when compared with younger drivers. There was one really scary moment when one of the old drivers was so concerned about pulling out of the parking lot once there was not a single car coming down the road that they forgot to look AHEAD and nearly hit a young woman crossing the street.

The elderly are a driving hazard because of their age. I've always felt that once a person is eligible for retirement they should be required to take a road test when renewing their driver's license. This, of course, will never happen because the elderly are deemed by many to be "helpless" and are such a powerful lobbying group (because they ACTUALLY VOTE!! Let this be a lesson to the young folks reading this: the squeaky wheel gets the oil).

As I was saying... the elderly, by virtue of simply getting older, experience many physiological changes that hamper their ability to drive a vehicle: loss of vision, slowed reflexes, and reduced mental acuity that impacts reaction time. They are also more likely to suffer from physically and mentally debilitating diseases and ailments (e.g. Alzheimer's Disease, aftereffects of a stroke, etc) which affect a person's ability to drive as well.

Group 2 - Women
I'm expecting a bit of a backlash on this one. Nevertheless, there have been studies conducted proving that women perform worse than men when it comes to depth perception and spacial recognition (two critical components in driving).
If you cannot gauge the distance between you and other drivers around you, you pose a danger to the other drivers around you. Also, misinterpreting distance can cause the female driver to react in a manner that is difficult to anticipate for other drivers (males and females alike).

I've provided you with a link to a study that specifically looked at driving ability for men and women (http://www.waset.org/pwaset/v25/v25-53.pdf)

Group 3 - Asians
I know what you're probably thinking... Why is Alan picking on the Chinese!? (or maybe you're thinking "Yeah! Damn right, freaking Asians!") When I speak of the Asians, I'm not limiting this to only the Chinese, Japanese, and Koreans that most of us consider when we think of Asians. I also include those from southeast Asia (Indonesians, Malaysians, Thai, etc) as well as South Asians (Indians, Pakistanis, etc).

I haven't come up with a definitive explanation that I am 100% comfortable with. However, what seems to be the commonality for these people (other than geography) is the fact that they come from densely populated regions and/or impoverished areas. This results in folks that are constantly on the move, hustling their way from Point A to Point B because of the need to do things before others (as a survival mechanism) or as a tactic to avoid the hustle and bustle of daily life.

If I can think of a more rational or appropriate explanation I will include it here but truly, there are A LOT of Asians that have now been documented as bad drivers.
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One final note: Each of these groups, individually, pose a danger to us young, non-Asian male drivers and as such we should also recognize that any combination of these groups poses and even greater hazard. I'd rather be stuck behind a middle-aged
Asian man than an elderly female driver. I'm not picking favorites, just playing the odds. If I could, I'd avoid them both like the freaking plague.

So the next time you find yourself in traffic and you see some erratic behaviors on the road, try and take some time to look into that car. And, please, tell me if my theory holds up in your informal "data collection". I can tell you that, in my experience now, roughly 19 out of every 20 times, my theory is validated. I will take a 95% success rate any day!

Until next time faithful reader...